3.5 year age gap and my best memories are from when our 2nd was a baby. I loved that time. But I had childcare for my oldest while I was on a long maternity leave with the second and we were always on the go on the weekends.

Once the baby was about 18 mos and very mobile with a feisty personality it got VERY hard. Tiny TH, shared bedroom, no playroom, toddler constantly messing with sibling's stuff. The dynamic of pesty attention-seeking younger sib/annoyed older sib persists even at 9 and 5 and I find it harder now than ever! I think once the 5 year old is a little more mature I'll enjoy it more again.

Sometimes it's harder but other times so much easier. My first grader has a teacher workday today and we chose to keep his little sister home from daycare (2 years apart almost to the day). They've been entertaining each other almost all morning while I work on a huge proposal that's due Monday. Had she gone to daycare, he would have been asking me to play all morning

We think their ability to play together took huge leaps during the March-June 2020 quarantine period. It just happened to hit us as a decent time in their development.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, sorry folks. Parent of an only here. It’s easier. Not necessarily better, but easier. It’s less expensive too!

I’m not bragging. I wanted a second but could not conceive and then Covid hit and I got furloughed and we had to table it. Now it probably won’t happen. Sometimes I’m sad about it, but other times when we are talking to or hanging out with friends with multiple, I remember: this is easier. It’s obviously easier.

Yep. It’s SO much easier. I nod and smile when my friends commiserate about how hard parenting is, but honestly I can’t relate at all because parenting my only is a breeze. I’m sad about it sometimes too, but social stigma aside, having one is great for parents and for many kids.

+1 Only-kid mom here too (but by choice). I need parenting on easy mode. I'm not a patient person and I cringe at loud chaos.

+2 Only-kid mom by choice. It's great.

Anonymous wrote:I think a 4 year age gap is really hard. A 2 year age gap is easier.

We have a 4 year gap and it has been awesome from the very start.

I'd venture a guess that it depends mostly on the personalities of the kids. Our older was a "difficult" infant (severe GERD, tongue tie, really bad sleeper, etc.) and our younger was a dream from day one. Our older is super helpful and adores the little one, and I honestly think it has been easier to have him around than it would have been without him. He entertains the baby, helps grab things, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, sorry folks. Parent of an only here. It’s easier. Not necessarily better, but easier. It’s less expensive too!

I’m not bragging. I wanted a second but could not conceive and then Covid hit and I got furloughed and we had to table it. Now it probably won’t happen. Sometimes I’m sad about it, but other times when we are talking to or hanging out with friends with multiple, I remember: this is easier. It’s obviously easier.

Yep. It’s SO much easier. I nod and smile when my friends commiserate about how hard parenting is, but honestly I can’t relate at all because parenting my only is a breeze. I’m sad about it sometimes too, but social stigma aside, having one is great for parents and for many kids.

+1 Only-kid mom here too (but by choice). I need parenting on easy mode. I'm not a patient person and I cringe at loud chaos.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a 4 year age gap is really hard. A 2 year age gap is easier.

+1

what is OP suppose to do with this information?

Nothing, but what is the point of posting on DCUM if not to get high on the smugness that your decisions are correct and any that differs is an idiot?

This is so true. And, as an older mom with grown kids, it's also so laughable.

I don't doubt for a second that having one is easier, but mine are now 5 and 2.5 and they can actually play together, my younger one is starting to be more self sufficient, etc, and things are so so much easier than they were in the beginning!

Anonymous wrote:Having two kids is SO MUCH HARDER. Mine are exactly two years apart and the second child’s first year with a two-year-old sibling was absolutely the hardest year of my life!

Now the older one is three and the little one is 16 months and it’s so much easier. Not easy but definitely easier!

This gives me hope (mine are just turned 2 and 6 weeks 🤪 and things are already better than they were four weeks ago but still)

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, sorry folks. Parent of an only here. It’s easier. Not necessarily better, but easier. It’s less expensive too!

I’m not bragging. I wanted a second but could not conceive and then Covid hit and I got furloughed and we had to table it. Now it probably won’t happen. Sometimes I’m sad about it, but other times when we are talking to or hanging out with friends with multiple, I remember: this is easier. It’s obviously easier.

Yep. It’s SO much easier. I nod and smile when my friends commiserate about how hard parenting is, but honestly I can’t relate at all because parenting my only is a breeze. I’m sad about it sometimes too, but social stigma aside, having one is great for parents and for many kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are almost two years apart. It was incredibly hard for the first year but so easy ever since. Once your past infancy, I think it is easier to have two. At least if they get along ….

Ha, says someone who has no first hand experience parenting one elementary aged kid. Trust me, it's not.

I disagree. I have two in elementary school and a 3 year old. Apart from activities and homework, it is much easier than having infants/toddlers (and in my opinion much more fun).

Uh, you actually think you know what parenting an only child is like? You have three…

I think PP was having a reading comprehension issue. The question was one versus two kids, not babies versus elementary age.

Yeah, sorry folks. Parent of an only here. It’s easier. Not necessarily better, but easier. It’s less expensive too!

I’m not bragging. I wanted a second but could not conceive and then Covid hit and I got furloughed and we had to table it. Now it probably won’t happen. Sometimes I’m sad about it, but other times when we are talking to or hanging out with friends with multiple, I remember: this is easier. It’s obviously easier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not that I ever doubted it. Just having a newborn and 4yo and balancing their needs and spending time with both is already quite hectic! Can imagine it will get even more so as baby grows up…

OP, down the road, they will keep each other occupied on occasion, which makes it easier.

Hang in there!

PP who said a 4 year age group is harder, and I agree. Pretty soon your older child will be able to read books to their younger sibling and it will just melt your heart!

My kids are 5.5 years apart, and I think it's a great age gap. My DC1 was actually helpful when DC2 was born....much of the time anyway. Also DC1 was in full-day kindergarten, so I got lots of one-on-one time with the baby. At night, DH took over baby care and I got to spend time with DC1. It worked well, IMO.

They are 18 and 23 now and are good friends. Would not have done it any different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are almost two years apart. It was incredibly hard for the first year but so easy ever since. Once your past infancy, I think it is easier to have two. At least if they get along ….

Ha, says someone who has no first hand experience parenting one elementary aged kid. Trust me, it's not.

I disagree. I have two in elementary school and a 3 year old. Apart from activities and homework, it is much easier than having infants/toddlers (and in my opinion much more fun).

Uh, you actually think you know what parenting an only child is like? You have three…

Having two kids is SO MUCH HARDER. Mine are exactly two years apart and the second child’s first year with a two-year-old sibling was absolutely the hardest year of my life!

Now the older one is three and the little one is 16 months and it’s so much easier. Not easy but definitely easier!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not that I ever doubted it. Just having a newborn and 4yo and balancing their needs and spending time with both is already quite hectic! Can imagine it will get even more so as baby grows up…

OP, down the road, they will keep each other occupied on occasion, which makes it easier.

Hang in there!

Of course, half the time, they'll be occupying one another with some stupid argument over nonsense, so I say enjoy the time when one can't speak!