I can’t imagine as a parent allowing my adult children to pay. Parents take care of their kids, not the other way around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I try to pay and my father looked at me and said “you will not pay while I am still above ground”. He’s just old school that way, so I gave up trying. He’s nearly 90 and I’m in my mid-50s and making good money, and he still tries to slip me cash from time to time.

Very similar in my family. They like to and they can afford it, but sometimes I get away with paying. We don't go out all that much anyway, so it's not a big deal.

I love this.

I'm a widow with three kids. My stepfather will always pay as a point of paternal pride. But there are times for my mom's or his birthday or something I make it clear they're my guests and no arguments. Families are so wonderful and so weird.

We always pay. Both sets of parents worked very hard and sacrificed to raise us well. We love to treat them now.

With my parents, they generally pay.

ILs, we rarely went out to eat with them--I can think of two occasions. Once, we paid. The other time, it was actually a large group which included Dh's brother, his wife, and the wife's parents. The wife's parents paid for all of us.

I never let my parents pay. Ever, and they can fight about it I will still pay. They have enough money, but they paid for everything of mine until I was on my feet. College, cars, etc. It is my turn and I can afford it. They took care of me, now my turn.

It depends. Try to avoid going out with them because its so uncomfortable. Mom or Dad bring their partner and some of their friends/kids and if we pay we get stuck paying for everyone and we don't have a relationship with any of them really.

For my MIL we always paid but she had little money.

When its our kids, we'd always pay.

Two sets of ILs (only living parents):

With one, we always pay, they are on a lower fixed income

With the others, we split it

My dad if my parents, my FIL if DHs parents, always pay. They are old fashioned and would be offended if we insisted. 20 years ago (we've been married longer than that), my DH told my dad that we were adults and could pay for our meal, and my dad said as long as he was alive and able, he would be paying for his children's meals. Whatever makes him happy 🤷‍♀️

Anonymous wrote:My parents pay.
With my in laws we pay often.

+1. In my situation, my parents have a lot more expendable income than we do and my in-laws have a lot less.

OP obviously it varies.

Sometimes we pay, sometimes my parents pay, sometimes we split. There’s no real pattern; it just depends on the individual situation.

My in-laws always pay, unless we’re visiting them and specifically say we want to take them out as a thank you for hosting us. I’d like it if we paid for them a little more, but they really don’t want us to.

With my 20s kids we always pay. With my father and his wife we split it. With my mother we pay about 80% of the time. When ILs were alive we often paid. We are high earners and both my parents have plenty of money so it’s not a big issue.

My parents always pay unless it is one of their birthdays and I will pay as their gift. They don't want presents so it makes it easy for everyone. My in-laws expect their son to pay (and to make the invitation in the first place) but they always invite out and pay for their 35 year old married daughter because "a daughter is always your princess" (direct quote from FIL). Gag.

When they visit us, we pay. When we visit them, they pay. This usually happens due to logistics (e.g., we order Thai and go pick it up for everyone and hence pay the bill).

I grew up working class and am now UMC. I'm the only one of my siblings who is UMC, although two of the others are MC now. I live in DC and they all still live in middle America.

If we are eating someplace they normally go when we're not around, and it's just 1-2 of us from my little family, my parents will often pay. Same is true if they're picking up take out from one of their usual restaurants for just 1 or 2 of us. But if we go somewhere "fancy" then I pay for everyone, including all siblings and their little families. A bill of $40/person isn't a big deal for me, but it would be way more than what they are accustomed to spending. I don't want for them to ever look upon a visit from us as something that costs them money. But I also don't want to be limited in where we eat/go by their finances. I also pay for hotels and often gas money if we're going to do a side trip while we're visiting them in Middle America. Over the past summer when we visited, I paid for everyone to take a weekend beach trip and covered all the major costs. They got their own sodas or snacks along the way. But if say we decide to take the kids mini-golfing at the beach, or rent a charter boat, I cover all of that.

Also, now that the nephews and nieces are preteens, I will usually give them about $40 each to spend during our excursions. My own kid is used to having pocket money for popcorn or other vacation junk, and I don't want for the rest of the kids to feel left out or for him to stand out too much.