OP - why don’t you just let nature decide?

My 5 year old gs did was NOT happy about mom having another baby. Not impressed, said baby wasn't going to play with his toys. Wasn't even crazy about for the first 4-5 months after he was born.

Within a year, he was playing with and taking care of him and very protective. And has been that way every since (they're now 15 and 10)

I would not base on how my child felt about it.

That said, My sister's first DD did not want a sibling and got one any way. 16 years later she still hasn't warmed up to her. First DD hated and hates everyone else in life but her mom and that was obvious from the start. She was a miserable child and is a miserable adult now. So if this is your child and you are set on having another, I wouldn't do it.

Our son was/is like this too. Constantly talked about how he was happy with Mommy, Daddy, him… was kind of skittish around babies, etc. A couple years of secondary infertility and I am now pregnant. He is 5 and in a total plot twist, is VERY excited for a sibling. Rubs my stomach, talks about ways he will help calm sib, things he wants to buy sib, etc.
I get your concerns, we were super worried too! We were a happy little trio for a relatively long time, but you never know, your daughter might surprise you!

Anonymous wrote:What would I do?

Seek out some serious therapy to figure out why I’m considering the whims of a 4 year old when planning my family. I’d also look into working with a parenting coach.

+1

Probably by the time the baby gets here, your daughter will be in full day kindergarten (if she’s not already in full day care). Also, this is such an age gap that you’ll prob have to divide and conquer with your husband bc your daughter has such different needs from a baby. So, it’s not like you’re going to have an 18 mo and a newborn at home all day together, where it really impacts the other kid’s life all day everyday. She’ll be fine.

A 4 year old doesn't get a say in family planning.

You don't have a second child to give your child a sibling. You have a second child because you want two.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People really get over-the-top with the snarky replies.

I read it as OP is hitting pause so that they can be prepared about how to handle, not because they're jumping to the whims of their kid.

OP here! Thank you, that’s what I meant. Nobody is consulting her in family planning. However, I do feel bad and concerned that the arrival of a little one won't be a joyful occasion for her. She may be, as someone said, not a baby person. I am not a dog person and won't be psyched if my parents got a dog.

Again. She is 4 years old. She has little understanding of what kind of person she is let alone the ability to determine what is joyful for her or not. 4 year olds are mercurial. They like dogs one day and another day are terrified of them.

The poster with the 8 year old who doesn’t like multi kid homes is more understandable as he is 8 and doesn’t like what comes with siblings as he has experienced that and has a more developed brain/understanding.

OP, if you are letting a 4yr old make this decision for you, then, please don't have any more children.

Hey OP, coming from me, I absolutely didn’t want a younger sibling, but as I grew older, I started to fantasize about having a sibling, having someone to confide in. I was jealous of my friends. Being an only child sucks. Your child’s opinion changes. Trust me on this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People really get over-the-top with the snarky replies.

I read it as OP is hitting pause so that they can be prepared about how to handle, not because they're jumping to the whims of their kid.

OP here! Thank you, that’s what I meant. Nobody is consulting her in family planning. However, I do feel bad and concerned that the arrival of a little one won't be a joyful occasion for her. She may be, as someone said, not a baby person. I am not a dog person and won't be psyched if my parents got a dog.

It won’t(probably). Younger siblings suck! You need to accept this and make things easier for her.

P.s: Please, PPs, don’t say that Olivia, Sophia and Noah love “their babies.” Not the point.

Anonymous wrote:What would I do?

Seek out some serious therapy to figure out why I’m considering the whims of a 4 year old when planning my family. I’d also look into working with a parenting coach.

OP here. Funny you say this. As someone working in a closely related field, I believe that these recommendations should come with the name of the therapist, their rates, and availability. Otherwise, your goal is to hurt, not help.

Anonymous wrote:People really get over-the-top with the snarky replies.

I read it as OP is hitting pause so that they can be prepared about how to handle, not because they're jumping to the whims of their kid.

OP here! Thank you, that’s what I meant. Nobody is consulting her in family planning. However, I do feel bad and concerned that the arrival of a little one won't be a joyful occasion for her. She may be, as someone said, not a baby person. I am not a dog person and won't be psyched if my parents got a dog.

Anonymous wrote:I have three but not sure I ever gushes about babies to my kids. She can articulate she wants you all to herself because she is developmentally designed to be selfish at this point. Not a good way to make life decisions.

This is the part I don’t add IRL but wish I could: if your kid is that into being an only, they need a sibling. Because they need to learn the world doesn’t revolve around them, and they haven’t picked it up yet.

Completely agree with this.