Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you ask your parents/in-laws for their opinion. This is going to be YOUR CHILD, not theirs.

And everyone loves a baby. If your MIL won't accept an adopted child, then she doesn't deserve to see her son and grandchildren ever gain. Buh-bye Granny.

But…this hypothetical child might not actually be a baby.

So? It's not MIL's child, and if they are weird towards your child, you cut them off.

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you ask your parents/in-laws for their opinion. This is going to be YOUR CHILD, not theirs.

And everyone loves a baby. If your MIL won't accept an adopted child, then she doesn't deserve to see her son and grandchildren ever gain. Buh-bye Granny.

But…this hypothetical child might not actually be a baby.

Anonymous wrote:I would let her know that your family planning decisions are not up for her opinions or commentary and that you'd cut her off if she is going to be rude or hateful or play favorites

Well, OP asked her so...

I think OP and her husband should not ask questions they don't want the answers to.

Would OP have asked before having biological children?

If you need to ask for permission from your parents before adopting children, perhaps you shouldn't adopt(or perhaps you should seek therapy and work on yourself before adopting).

All children(adopted and biological) need parents who are not in dysfunctional relationships with other people(in this case with MIL).

Anonymous wrote:My MIL openly said she doesn’t want adopted grandchild. What would you do?

Doesn’t matter. You go ahead and live your life, if she loves her son and wants to be a part of his family, she’ll come around. If not, her loss.

Adopted child... maybe you are the problem.

If you do decide to go through with the adoption process (and it is a very long process in most cases) I’d tell your DH to let her know that her only option is showing love and acceptance towards her grandchild. If she can’t do that then she can’t be a part of your family.

That said, I’d wait until you are actually going through the process to have this conversation. As it stands there is no use in arguing over a hypothetical future.

I would let her know that your family planning decisions are not up for her opinions or commentary and that you'd cut her off if she is going to be rude or hateful or play favorites

Why is this a question? There's no question or issue here. Your MIL is a horrible person. That's what you've learned. It hasn't got anything to do with whether or not you adopt a child or not. This is what I would say: "Hey, MIL, good thing your opinion in our family doesn't matter, but thanks for the heads up of what kind of person and role model you will be for any children we have- adopted or biological. No thanks."

Her narrow-mindedness is astonishing, and I may even be older than she is.

Signed,
Adoptee in my 60s (!) who is a different ethnicity and appearance from my entire adopted family and whose immigrant grandmother (adopted grandmother) had my back from day 1. Day 1 until she died when I was 23.

DCUM is full of lousy grandparents who are disinterested in their grand children. She will just be one more.

Anonymous wrote:I would have responded well that will make holiday planning so much easier. Guess this will be the last Christmas we see you.

You would break ties with your family over a non-existent hypothetical child? That seems insane.

I would have responded well that will make holiday planning so much easier. Guess this will be the last Christmas we see you.

Anonymous wrote:Good grandparents are important if you have shitty parents. If you have great parents, they are nice to have, but not that important. Be great parents and your children won't miss having grandparents.

Love this. Thank you

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL openly said she doesn’t want adopted grandchild. What would you do?

Cut her off.

This.
End of story.

"Don't let the door hit you in the ass, Grandma"

Anonymous wrote:Good grandparents are important if you have shitty parents. If you have great parents, they are nice to have, but not that important. Be great parents and your children won't miss having grandparents.

This is so helpful to keep in mind (not OP). My DH and I both have really crappy parents (mine as a child, his later on) and I had a wonderful bond with my paternal grandparents. They raised me for entire summers and I lived with them for a bit out of HS. They were the only adults I trusted and worried about disappointing. Thank you <3