Anonymous
Post 01/08/2022 13:37     Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My grandfather's uncle cut him off when he married my grandmother, a Catholic (they were Lutheran). This was all in North Dakota. His name was Knut Knutson.


(I have cousins from ND with the same last name but not the same family AFAIK--my aunt married a Knutson).

How long ago was that? In the early 60s my cousin (different family) from NW Minnesota married a Catholic and was completely disowned by her father, who was a large scale farmer and very well off (trust funds for all the grandkids except her 2 kids). Later they divorced and she returned to the family fold, married a Lutheran farmer and they were able to rejoin the family (then she divorced him when they were in their 60s).

By the 80s you would once in awhile see a wedding where there was both a priest and a Lutheran pastor. But in the 50s people raised eyebrows over my very devout (Lutheran Bible Institute grad) aunt having a Catholic has a close friend.


Haha I'm sure we're related. This was all in Crookston and Grand Forks.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2022 10:10     Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My uncle refused to drive my mother to the airport because he was tired, he just got home from his shift at the hospital. He called her a taxi. She didn't talk to him for FIFTEEN YEARS after that. FIFTEEN.


My FIL arrived 2 hours early to a brunch at our house. We were not ready (understandably). I had a young baby who wasn't dressed, I hadn't showered, we hadn't finished cooking. My DH nicely asked his FIL to go to a coffee shop for at least an hour until we could get ready.

FIL was so, so, so pissed!! He left and came back, but he was angry, and stayed angry for about 10 years. Then he disinherited DH in his will!

Insane, but that's my FIL.


Holy sh!t you made him LEAVE?!? He couldn’t sit and watch tv? Read a newspaper? Help?
I’m pissed for him. That is INCREDIBLY rude.
(Yes, I know showing up 2 hours early is rude, but your reaction is on a whole other level.)


+1
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2022 22:07     Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My uncle refused to drive my mother to the airport because he was tired, he just got home from his shift at the hospital. He called her a taxi. She didn't talk to him for FIFTEEN YEARS after that. FIFTEEN.


My FIL arrived 2 hours early to a brunch at our house. We were not ready (understandably). I had a young baby who wasn't dressed, I hadn't showered, we hadn't finished cooking. My DH nicely asked his FIL to go to a coffee shop for at least an hour until we could get ready.

FIL was so, so, so pissed!! He left and came back, but he was angry, and stayed angry for about 10 years. Then he disinherited DH in his will!

Insane, but that's my FIL.


Holy sh!t you made him LEAVE?!? He couldn’t sit and watch tv? Read a newspaper? Help?
I’m pissed for him. That is INCREDIBLY rude.
(Yes, I know showing up 2 hours early is rude, but your reaction is on a whole other level.)


Yeah, the FIL was right in this case. This is beyond crazy. I would never kick a guest out of my home even though they arrived 2 hours early. That was not petty. The FIL just realized what hateful undeserving people. I hope he left the money to strangers or distant relatives.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2022 21:58     Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everyone in my family is estranged from each other, ha. LOTS of drama. Here’s how it happened:

- My dad is a marital counselor and offered to help his nephew with counseling. Nephew and his parents were expecting my dad to side with him and tell the wife she was in the wrong and needed to just do what her husband said. When dad refused (and actually encouraged her to leave this abusive dynamic), dad’s entire family cut us all off.

- When I left my NPD husband, my mom and siblings all sided with him against me. He’s very charming and persuasive. They gave him a ton of info to use against me to gain custody (which didn’t work, judges don’t care I took SSRIs as a teen) and xH convinced them to sabotage my job and any relationship I tried to have after him. Things like contacting clients to tell them I don’t know what I’m doing and harassing a man I was dating by calling repeatedly, calling his job, etc. So I don’t talk to mom and siblings anymore.

- Mom’s sister hooked up with her husband, so my stepdad. They obviously don’t talk anymore.

- Mom has 4 sisters (5 girls total) who were all very close their whole lives. Then 2 of the sisters left their husbands after the kids were grown. Mom went crazy on them for divorcing - thought it was the wrong thing for them to do - everyone else was pressured into picking sides and eventually just stopped talking to each other because of all the drama.

- Mom and stepdad are still married but basically estranged/separated. She got tired of his crap and bought him a house in another state so she wouldn’t have to deal with him.

So the only people I talk to are my dad (who is awesome), and one aunt who calls me about once a year when drunk, rambles on, then hangs up without saying bye.



First off, your dad could have lost his license. You do NOT do counseling with family members. Totally unethical.


First off? Was there supposed to be more?

It’s legal to counsel family as long as you remain objective. You don’t lose a license over it.


No. Completely unacceptable.


Completely unacceptable to the licensing board? Or you?
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2022 21:57     Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
I refuse to have anything to do with my stepbrother.


After my dad and stepmom died, we were dividing up the stuff. It was a very fraught and difficult experience. My stepbrother said, "I made that jar. I want it."

My brother said, "But our dad's ashes are in that jar."

"Oh," said stepbrother, "I'll just toss them out in the woods."


OK. We are done.

We had to decant our dad into a different vessel so stepbrother could have his jar. We scattered the ashes at the wildlife refuge that our dad always loved.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2022 21:57     Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My uncle refused to drive my mother to the airport because he was tired, he just got home from his shift at the hospital. He called her a taxi. She didn't talk to him for FIFTEEN YEARS after that. FIFTEEN.


My FIL arrived 2 hours early to a brunch at our house. We were not ready (understandably). I had a young baby who wasn't dressed, I hadn't showered, we hadn't finished cooking. My DH nicely asked his FIL to go to a coffee shop for at least an hour until we could get ready.

FIL was so, so, so pissed!! He left and came back, but he was angry, and stayed angry for about 10 years. Then he disinherited DH in his will!

Insane, but that's my FIL.


Holy sh!t you made him LEAVE?!? He couldn’t sit and watch tv? Read a newspaper? Help?
I’m pissed for him. That is INCREDIBLY rude.
(Yes, I know showing up 2 hours early is rude, but your reaction is on a whole other level.)
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2022 21:18     Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
Anonymous wrote:My father physically and emotionally abused me. My mom knew and let it happen, sometimes relying on him to “discipline” me when we really were just being kids. I’ve learned through therapy that what I suffered was really severe and wrong. When I had kids, they tried to play nice to see the grandkids and I felt a lot of guilt. I heard a lot of “just forgive and move on.” I only felt more sick to my stomach imagining how they could do that to a kid seeing my own kids and loving them so deeply. So needless to say, I’m estranged from them and the majority of my family who didn’t speak up for me. It sucks.


Wow. This sounds so much like me that I thought I had written it…

Anonymous
Post 01/07/2022 19:33     Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
My MIL thought FIL was cheating so she dug through his phone and computer. Discovered instead he was involved in some pretty major high level white collar fraud and turned him in. He’s in prison now. My spouse hasn’t spoken to FIL in 10 years, and his two siblings don’t speak to either parent anymore.

Oh and MIL was right, FIL was also cheating. But that didn’t come out until his trial.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2022 19:32     Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
my sister brought her married (but not to her) boyfriend to my wedding. lied to everyone about the relationship. in retrospect, i should have seen it. but i felt bad, didn't want her to be alone at my wedding, she's my only sister, so i said ok. it came out during my wedding that they had been dating for a few years. AT.MY.WEDDING.

this was nearly 10 years ago...she is still living with him, he has not divorced his wife, not sure if his three kids even know...

...we're not 100% estranged. we will text around birthdays and holidays, i'll occasionally send her photos of her nephew, but the relationship is not on solid ground. i wont even acknowledge her married boyfriend or speak his name.

Anonymous
Post 01/07/2022 19:27     Subject: Re:what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
My mom was having a mental breakdown of some sorts while visiting me (happened before/she was involuntarily committed to a mental ward twice), called the cops, and falsely accused me of scratching/hurting her just to get her way. I have not seen her or spoken to her since. I have also stopped paying her phone bill, stopped running her errands, and driving her everywhere as she does not have a license. Had to hire an attorney and go to court twice to get charges dropped/dismissed. She was an abusive and physically violent parent when I was growing up.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2022 18:13     Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My father physically and emotionally abused me. My mom knew and let it happen, sometimes relying on him to “discipline” me when we really were just being kids. I’ve learned through therapy that what I suffered was really severe and wrong. When I had kids, they tried to play nice to see the grandkids and I felt a lot of guilt. I heard a lot of “just forgive and move on.” I only felt more sick to my stomach imagining how they could do that to a kid seeing my own kids and loving them so deeply. So needless to say, I’m estranged from them and the majority of my family who didn’t speak up for me. It sucks.

It does suck, but you're doing the right thing.


Thanks. It was harder than I thought when I had kids. It was sad to not have family support, even just to talk. I found people generally assume you do and don’t know how to respond when you don’t.



Yes, I’ve also learned that people don’t like to talk about how mean or abusive grown parents are to us when we’re grown. I also know you’re doing the right thing. Get it, intergenerational trauma breaker! Follow the Holistic psychologist on Insta
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2022 18:04     Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My father physically and emotionally abused me. My mom knew and let it happen, sometimes relying on him to “discipline” me when we really were just being kids. I’ve learned through therapy that what I suffered was really severe and wrong. When I had kids, they tried to play nice to see the grandkids and I felt a lot of guilt. I heard a lot of “just forgive and move on.” I only felt more sick to my stomach imagining how they could do that to a kid seeing my own kids and loving them so deeply. So needless to say, I’m estranged from them and the majority of my family who didn’t speak up for me. It sucks.

It does suck, but you're doing the right thing.


Thanks. It was harder than I thought when I had kids. It was sad to not have family support, even just to talk. I found people generally assume you do and don’t know how to respond when you don’t.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2022 16:01     Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everyone in my family is estranged from each other, ha. LOTS of drama. Here’s how it happened:

- My dad is a marital counselor and offered to help his nephew with counseling. Nephew and his parents were expecting my dad to side with him and tell the wife she was in the wrong and needed to just do what her husband said. When dad refused (and actually encouraged her to leave this abusive dynamic), dad’s entire family cut us all off.

- When I left my NPD husband, my mom and siblings all sided with him against me. He’s very charming and persuasive. They gave him a ton of info to use against me to gain custody (which didn’t work, judges don’t care I took SSRIs as a teen) and xH convinced them to sabotage my job and any relationship I tried to have after him. Things like contacting clients to tell them I don’t know what I’m doing and harassing a man I was dating by calling repeatedly, calling his job, etc. So I don’t talk to mom and siblings anymore.

- Mom’s sister hooked up with her husband, so my stepdad. They obviously don’t talk anymore.

- Mom has 4 sisters (5 girls total) who were all very close their whole lives. Then 2 of the sisters left their husbands after the kids were grown. Mom went crazy on them for divorcing - thought it was the wrong thing for them to do - everyone else was pressured into picking sides and eventually just stopped talking to each other because of all the drama.

- Mom and stepdad are still married but basically estranged/separated. She got tired of his crap and bought him a house in another state so she wouldn’t have to deal with him.

So the only people I talk to are my dad (who is awesome), and one aunt who calls me about once a year when drunk, rambles on, then hangs up without saying bye.



First off, your dad could have lost his license. You do NOT do counseling with family members. Totally unethical.


First off? Was there supposed to be more?

It’s legal to counsel family as long as you remain objective. You don’t lose a license over it.


No. Completely unacceptable.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2022 15:55     Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
My whole family became estranged from my sister after she abused our Mom on her deathbed - a revenge fantasy of hers. I think my sister is mentally ill so it's just as well that we are safe from her, she has done other horrible things to our family. She has told her family lies, so I think they don't know the truth about what she did.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2022 15:45     Subject: what is the craziest reasons your family members have become estranged?
My father paid for my same-age cousin’s entire college education after her mom (my aunt) died and the dad left them. She went to college, lived with an uncle for a while, then branched out on her own, and got married. She always said she felt like the poor relation to the rest of the family. My dad went to the baby shower for her first child because he lived nearby and was invited, and the cousin gave him a photo of an expensive item she expected him to buy her in front of the group. He was so embarrassed and annoyed at her gift grab, he cut off contact with her after that. We are not even Facebook friends now.