Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No absolutely not
Never


You’ll be miserable


And you’ll always be the bread winner, you’ll hold resentment for that exact reason and always fee superior to that person.


No

What would you think if the question "were would you marry a woman with no money/" and men gave this answer? So much for enlightened feminism and equal treatment.

I’d think she’s probably going to end up supporting his career and handling his life/kids, is what I’d think.

DH and I made the same amount of money the first 8 years of our marriage. He shoved every domestic thing off on me and his career has been a wild success. I’m not happy about it but at least I can sob into my Birkin. The problem is, the low income men I know also shove all the domestic stuff on their wives.

Yes, I did. That said he received a family inheritance that is worth several years salary, so that probably helped. We had no idea the inheritance existed when we married 15 years ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not recommend it. My DH is a teacher and his low wages really hurt our family. I make 200K and he is at 75K. I dream of the things me and the kids could do if he made equal pay. The difference definitely builds resentment and my husband has no interest in switching careers to earn more money for his family.

You sound awful

+1 If you struggle living on $275k, you need to figure out your spending and create a realistic budget. Our current HHI is the same and we do really well.

Anonymous wrote:I did and it’s been great. He might not have maximized his earning potential (he’s a public defender), but he isn’t a financial liability - he’s a saver who isn’t into consumption. He has no ego about how much he earns and doesn’t spend my/our money to appear richer or more financial successful than he actually is. At 160k, I make more than enough money to compensate for his lower salary and we are able to fully save for retirement, have a nice home in a wonderful neighborhood, adequately save for college, vacation regularly and not worry about money.

I should also add that DH loves his job and would be substantially less happy at any other job. I would rather him be happy at home than he be miserable with a higher income. DH is also deeply competent with our kids and easily does the majority of the childcare. That’s not because of his lower income though. He does more because that’s what I negotiated before agreeing to have kids with him (he wanted kids, I didn’t). He’s held up his end of the bargin and now that our kids actually exist he’s the lead with the kids, and I’m the lead with managing the household.

Anonymous wrote:If he was hard working and self sufficient, I'd consider it. I am not well off but I pay my own bills.

+1 He’d also have to be open to being a SAHP if it made sense for our family.

Anonymous wrote:I would not recommend it. My DH is a teacher and his low wages really hurt our family. I make 200K and he is at 75K. I dream of the things me and the kids could do if he made equal pay. The difference definitely builds resentment and my husband has no interest in switching careers to earn more money for his family.

Gosh, I am a single mom, I make $200k and feel rich. If I had a partner who also made any kind of money I'd be so grateful. If he's generally a helpful partner around the house, with the kids, etc. If he's another dependent (ie man baby) then no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No absolutely not
Never


You’ll be miserable


And you’ll always be the bread winner, you’ll hold resentment for that exact reason and always fee superior to that person.


No

What would you think if the question "were would you marry a woman with no money/" and men gave this answer? So much for enlightened feminism and equal treatment.

+1

I wouldn’t think anything of it. There are plenty of men who prefer to date women who have money and won’t date someone who makes minimum wage.

Don’t pretend that only women care about this because it’s not true.

Exactly. I think $60k is actually less than minimum wage, is he a migrant worker?

Could be your kid’s teacher, a nurse administering your meds, a firefighter who shows up to save your sorry, out-of touch life…

I did and it’s been great. He might not have maximized his earning potential (he’s a public defender), but he isn’t a financial liability - he’s a saver who isn’t into consumption. He has no ego about how much he earns and doesn’t spend my/our money to appear richer or more financial successful than he actually is. At 160k, I make more than enough money to compensate for his lower salary and we are able to fully save for retirement, have a nice home in a wonderful neighborhood, adequately save for college, vacation regularly and not worry about money.

I did, it's been pretty good overall. But it's a complete gender reversal money wise.

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t YOU go out and bring in money OP?

I guess you didn’t read her follow-up post?

Anonymous wrote:
210k puts your household in top 10% of household income in the US. Would I refuse to marry someone who is “wonderful” solely because our combined income would “only” put us in top 10% of families based on incomes? NO. Money does not equal happiness.

Yes, but she will always have to work to provide. Turn off!!

Why can’t YOU go out and bring in money OP?

It depends on more than a person’s income at one point in time.

How old are you?
Is s/he working in a professional capacity?
Savings/debt?
Future earnings potential
Ambition
Total HHI
Is s/he an equal contributor to household tasks/parenting

PP with an HHI of 275k and being resentful of what she can’t afford is totally out of touch and out of line. Many people enjoy their line of work, but will never be wealthy. Why shame and resent them? Learn to live within your means.

Lots of people meet young and broke. Together they work their way up in life.

An equal, loving partner certainly goes a long ways toward marital happiness, and that can come at many incomes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No absolutely not
Never


You’ll be miserable


And you’ll always be the bread winner, you’ll hold resentment for that exact reason and always fee superior to that person.


No

What would you think if the question "were would you marry a woman with no money/" and men gave this answer? So much for enlightened feminism and equal treatment.

I’d think she’s probably going to end up supporting his career and handling his life/kids, is what I’d think.

DH and I made the same amount of money the first 8 years of our marriage. He shoved every domestic thing off on me and his career has been a wild success. I’m not happy about it but at least I can sob into my Birkin. The problem is, the low income men I know also shove all the domestic stuff on their wives.

Anonymous wrote:I would not recommend it. My DH is a teacher and his low wages really hurt our family. I make 200K and he is at 75K. I dream of the things me and the kids could do if he made equal pay. The difference definitely builds resentment and my husband has no interest in switching careers to earn more money for his family.

You sound awful

Wife is only good for sex and DH is only good for money so no.