Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how only on DCUM is a mother completely ripped apart and told she’s a bad mom because she follows COVID guidelines and leaves her kids with dad for Christmas after they all tested positive. Meanwhile a parent who LITERALLY JUST GOT OUT OF REHAB is drinking again to the point the kids have discovered it and all anyone can say is “omg that must be so hard for you!”

And enough with the mumbo jumbo of “it’s a disorder and a disease like cancer!” No, it’s not. You made the choice. Don’t bring the stuff in your home, don’t buy it at the store.

Know what’s hard? Growing up in a family of alcoholics, which is what I did. Not understanding why mom gets angry and lashes out. Relationships getting torn apart. People going to jail and even dying. And yea, I carry the genes, too, and my drinking has gotten out of control. But once I was a parent I cut that sh!t out, I don’t touch the stuff, I don’t allow it in my home, I avoid drinkers like the plague. Because life is hard for everyone, you suck it up and do what’s right for your kid.

Yes, you sound like an amazing parent…who doesn’t understand addiction at all, and has major anger issues. Good luck to your kids.

Anyone who is the child of alcoholics understands PLENTY about addiction, trust. We know it intimately from the standpoint of the child depending on a drunk adult and trying to manage their addiction for them. I am a DP but also cut out drinking when I had kids, I wanted to break the cycle.

OP, it is troubling that you are citing a 90-95% failure rate for AA/rehab and slipping and instead of working your discharge plan you are posting here first. Esp with a child in the home who is acting responsible for you. I hope this is a troll post. You did not just happen to slip, you had to BUY the booze, there were several steps involved here. Presumably your house was cleared of alcohol when you went to rehab.

Only you can decide when you are committed to being sober but get your child into another, more stable and emotionally protected living situation with family, a residential school, whatever is available, maybe where he was while you were in rehab. He deserves to be in a healthier environment with stable adults caring for him instead of being traumatized trying to control your behavior and addiction when he is only a kid. He may never enjoy Christmas after this, or he may become an alcoholic too. The past can't be changed but he deserves a better living situation than you are able to provide right now.

The current scenario is not working for you either. Get him stabilized elsewhere and then decide if you want more inpatient where you were or to try something else. Good luck, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Put him in Al-anon NOW. I was the kid who always found moms stash, she made me lie, etc. Its a f'ed up position to be in. I'm sorry I don't feel sorry for you, but I do feel sorry for him. He didn't ask for this. You messed up, do better.

Coddling an addict does not help.

I was that kid too. OP, your kid needs support, Alateen and a private therapist. He needs to get to be a kid and not feel like the only one who has an alcoholic parent. He should not have to be parentified. If you are relapsing so quickly going back for a longer stay might be beneficial.

The program Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families has helped me but it does not change a pretty crap childhood in which I did not get to be a child. I have few happy memories connected to the holidays.

Where is his dad? Could he go live with him? Put his needs first and if dad is not an option, maybe boarding school.

OP, you need to find your "why" - you do not sound "all in" on recovery. As someone with a lot of alcoholics and addicts in my extended family, my sympathy and concern is with your son. You do not sound like you are ready to change.

Was curious about the differences between AA and SMART. Here are the results of an NIH comparison. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5884451/).

Compared to 12-step members, those identifying SMART as their primary group at baseline fared worse across outcomes, and those affiliating with LifeRing showed lower odds of total abstinence. Still, these effects became nonsignificant when controlling for baseline alcohol recovery goal, suggesting that any group differences may be explained by selection of those with weaker abstinence motivation into LifeRing and (especially) SMART.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you relapsed OP. Go to an AA meeting tomorrow and get support. You can do this with the tools of the program.

Did you kinda miss what OP had to say about AA success rates and that she would be doing an online SMART meeting? Not that an AA meeting would be necessarily bad for OP, but this varies. Some people who go the SMART route do so because they find AA extremely destructive for them, and the SMART tools (basically CBT concepts rather than spirituality) work far better for them.

AA is there when nothing else works. AA has helped millions of people around the world.

Generally not being in recovery is going to be much more destructive than an AA program and also more destructive to the family members.

+1. No need to trash AA, which has helped millions. If by “destructive” pp means spirituality, different AA chapters handle the higher power issue differently—if that doesn’t work for you, you can almost certainly find a group in your area that doesn’t use that. AA does behavioral stuff too—you can’t reduce it to spirituality.

Plus, OP’s language around this is confusing. SMART does not consider addiction to be a disease, but OP and AA do.

Both AA and SMART are programs that have helped many.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to the helpful PPs.

As far as rehab not working - maybe you've never been if you think it's an easy fix. I went to one of the better places on the East Coast, but it's very 12-step (aka AA) oriented, which has a 5-10% chance of success.

To the posted that asked why I have kids if I'm an alcoholic? The proper term is Alcohol Use Disorder. It's a condition, like cancer or diabetes. My son is in his teens and I developed it later, due to multiple causes including trauma. I'm working on it. Why did you have kids if you're going to be a judgmental prick?

I have people I can call and I can log into a SMART recovery meeting. Thanks for those of you who are kind. I wouldn't wish this on anyone - the guilt and shame is tremendous.

Admitting you have a problem is the 1st step. Calling it some made up name and comparing it to cancer is a joke. Do better.

I'm not OP, but alcoholism IS a disease. And they never graduate from program. They just have to work their program, and relapse is unfortunately part of recovery.

People choose to take that first drink, tell me who chooses to get cancer? Calling it a disease gives the drunk a built in excuse.

You don’t just skip chemo or radiation when you have cancer. The comparison drives me insane. (Adult child of alcoholic who died at 57, after years of unhealthy codependent relationships with family who did not believe in truth/tough love).

Sorry about your loss but your post makes no sense.

^ Meaning, yes cancer is a disease but you have to take steps in treatment. Just like alcoholics need to take steps in treatment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to the helpful PPs.

As far as rehab not working - maybe you've never been if you think it's an easy fix. I went to one of the better places on the East Coast, but it's very 12-step (aka AA) oriented, which has a 5-10% chance of success.

To the posted that asked why I have kids if I'm an alcoholic? The proper term is Alcohol Use Disorder. It's a condition, like cancer or diabetes. My son is in his teens and I developed it later, due to multiple causes including trauma. I'm working on it. Why did you have kids if you're going to be a judgmental prick?

I have people I can call and I can log into a SMART recovery meeting. Thanks for those of you who are kind. I wouldn't wish this on anyone - the guilt and shame is tremendous.

Admitting you have a problem is the 1st step. Calling it some made up name and comparing it to cancer is a joke. Do better.

I'm not OP, but alcoholism IS a disease. And they never graduate from program. They just have to work their program, and relapse is unfortunately part of recovery.

People choose to take that first drink, tell me who chooses to get cancer? Calling it a disease gives the drunk a built in excuse.

You don’t just skip chemo or radiation when you have cancer. The comparison drives me insane. (Adult child of alcoholic who died at 57, after years of unhealthy codependent relationships with family who did not believe in truth/tough love).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to the helpful PPs.

As far as rehab not working - maybe you've never been if you think it's an easy fix. I went to one of the better places on the East Coast, but it's very 12-step (aka AA) oriented, which has a 5-10% chance of success.

To the posted that asked why I have kids if I'm an alcoholic? The proper term is Alcohol Use Disorder. It's a condition, like cancer or diabetes. My son is in his teens and I developed it later, due to multiple causes including trauma. I'm working on it. Why did you have kids if you're going to be a judgmental prick?

I have people I can call and I can log into a SMART recovery meeting. Thanks for those of you who are kind. I wouldn't wish this on anyone - the guilt and shame is tremendous.

Admitting you have a problem is the 1st step. Calling it some made up name and comparing it to cancer is a joke. Do better.

I'm not OP, but alcoholism IS a disease. And they never graduate from program. They just have to work their program, and relapse is unfortunately part of recovery.

People choose to take that first drink, tell me who chooses to get cancer? Calling it a disease gives the drunk a built in excuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s good to hear you are familiar with SMART Recovery (I am an Online Meeting Helper for several Facilitators) and the difference between a lapse, a one-time occurrence verses a relapse which is a sustained event.

In SMART there is an analogy used to describe the process of continuing your recovery: say you are driving from NY to LA and your car breaks down in Dallas, TX. Do you fix your flat, turn around, go back to NY and start driving again to LA? Or do you fix your flat in TX and then keep on going to LA. So, keep going!

Don’t beat yourself up, just keep going.

Thanks! I’m ignoring PP and focusing on what I have today. I had a lapse, But it doesn’t have to turn into a full relapse. Thanks to facilitators like you

It wasn't a one-off. You bought alcohol, you hid it, and you were drinking it. Your son caught you. You then went to DCUM to be coddled. DCUM instead of checking in with one of your facilitators. DCUM with a cutesy little title coupled with an I suck soliloquy meant to garner empathy and to be told it's not a big deal. You did all this 1 week after in patient rehab. You need to get real OP.

+1. People are so afraid of facing the truth. That's step 1 OP.

Alcoholics and addicted are great at being manipulative to get people to feel sorry for them. The kid is the one suffering here. Guarantee OP used some kind of language like “you can’t be more mad at me than I already am at myself,” kid shut down and withdrew and OP came back to say they had a good day. I know this pattern so damn well and it sucks. Work your program and get real help Op. your kid doesn’t deserve this bullshit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sucks. You do not suck. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe this is a push you needed to try again. Don’t give up OP.

I absolutely hate posts like this. There is nothing wrong with op taking some ownership of her own issues/weaknesses. It is not always someone or something else’s fault. I’d definitely say op sucks. Get better, try harder.

+10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s good to hear you are familiar with SMART Recovery (I am an Online Meeting Helper for several Facilitators) and the difference between a lapse, a one-time occurrence verses a relapse which is a sustained event.

In SMART there is an analogy used to describe the process of continuing your recovery: say you are driving from NY to LA and your car breaks down in Dallas, TX. Do you fix your flat, turn around, go back to NY and start driving again to LA? Or do you fix your flat in TX and then keep on going to LA. So, keep going!

Don’t beat yourself up, just keep going.

Thanks! I’m ignoring PP and focusing on what I have today. I had a lapse, But it doesn’t have to turn into a full relapse. Thanks to facilitators like you

It wasn't a one-off. You bought alcohol, you hid it, and you were drinking it. Your son caught you. You then went to DCUM to be coddled. DCUM instead of checking in with one of your facilitators. DCUM with a cutesy little title coupled with an I suck soliloquy meant to garner empathy and to be told it's not a big deal. You did all this 1 week after in patient rehab. You need to get real OP.

+1. People are so afraid of facing the truth. That's step 1 OP.

+2 This thread is disgusting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s good to hear you are familiar with SMART Recovery (I am an Online Meeting Helper for several Facilitators) and the difference between a lapse, a one-time occurrence verses a relapse which is a sustained event.

In SMART there is an analogy used to describe the process of continuing your recovery: say you are driving from NY to LA and your car breaks down in Dallas, TX. Do you fix your flat, turn around, go back to NY and start driving again to LA? Or do you fix your flat in TX and then keep on going to LA. So, keep going!

Don’t beat yourself up, just keep going.

Thanks! I’m ignoring PP and focusing on what I have today. I had a lapse, But it doesn’t have to turn into a full relapse. Thanks to facilitators like you

It wasn't a one-off. You bought alcohol, you hid it, and you were drinking it. Your son caught you. You then went to DCUM to be coddled. DCUM instead of checking in with one of your facilitators. DCUM with a cutesy little title coupled with an I suck soliloquy meant to garner empathy and to be told it's not a big deal. You did all this 1 week after in patient rehab. You need to get real OP.

+1. People are so afraid of facing the truth. That's step 1 OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s good to hear you are familiar with SMART Recovery (I am an Online Meeting Helper for several Facilitators) and the difference between a lapse, a one-time occurrence verses a relapse which is a sustained event.

In SMART there is an analogy used to describe the process of continuing your recovery: say you are driving from NY to LA and your car breaks down in Dallas, TX. Do you fix your flat, turn around, go back to NY and start driving again to LA? Or do you fix your flat in TX and then keep on going to LA. So, keep going!

Don’t beat yourself up, just keep going.

Thanks! I’m ignoring PP and focusing on what I have today. I had a lapse, But it doesn’t have to turn into a full relapse. Thanks to facilitators like you

It wasn't a one-off. You bought alcohol, you hid it, and you were drinking it. Your son caught you. You then went to DCUM to be coddled. DCUM instead of checking in with one of your facilitators. DCUM with a cutesy little title coupled with an I suck soliloquy meant to garner empathy and to be told it's not a big deal. You did all this 1 week after in patient rehab. You need to get real OP.

You don’t suck, but you are an addict.

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s good to hear you are familiar with SMART Recovery (I am an Online Meeting Helper for several Facilitators) and the difference between a lapse, a one-time occurrence verses a relapse which is a sustained event.

In SMART there is an analogy used to describe the process of continuing your recovery: say you are driving from NY to LA and your car breaks down in Dallas, TX. Do you fix your flat, turn around, go back to NY and start driving again to LA? Or do you fix your flat in TX and then keep on going to LA. So, keep going!

Don’t beat yourself up, just keep going.

Thanks! I’m ignoring PP and focusing on what I have today. I had a lapse, But it doesn’t have to turn into a full relapse. Thanks to facilitators like you