Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say some people are going through the process you went through to heal, they just aren't there yet. They may be in the anger stage and that is completely normal.

Its nice to have compassion in life and realise that not everyone else is having a great day like you are. Its ok if they are sad, hurt or angry. Its probably still raw for them.

Just because you are over and done with it doesn't mean everyone else is. Imagine you told a friend you were getting a divorce because he cheated and they simply told you to get over it. I imagine its healthier to go through that rage stage, no point keeping it held inside.

ITA but after a while it's so unhealthy. My MIL is still not over it over 10 years later and frankly it is getting annoying for everyone, including her adult kids.

What you don’t understand about loss that destroys your life and life dream is that is does not ever resolve. It compounds over time. All the milestones all the would have beens the whole unfulfilled life runs alongside your actual lived life, mocking you, forever. To get over or past it you have to literally change who you are, lie to yourself about what you believed and wanted, adjust your values to your reality instead of the reverse; while all around you are people still living your dream. That’s why.

This is the kind of unhealthy obsession that OP is talking about.

+ 1. NP.

The OP was not being mean. The threads are constant, the misogynistic attacks by alleged betrayed wives are always vicious, the insults are non-stop, we’ve all seen it. The “parallel lives” post above just shows a deep need for help. It’s not required to live that way, and not everyone does.

Anonymous wrote:Wonder what Op thinks about talking about the holocaust or racism…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

What’s your question?

People can still divorce, heal and tell their truths wherever or whenever they want.

Last month I had dinner with an old high school coach of mine who was in town. While catching up he had an earful to say about his divorce 20 years ago. Did I complain or fault him for merely saying his truth? No.

Grow up OP. Esp for an anonymous chat board where all you have to do is go read something else. Your post is asinine.

Comprehension is your friend. My post was not about people posting about their affair pain. My post was about the name calling and immature attacks on people who have been in affairs. My post was asking do people get therapy to heal from their affair pain or do they just post hateful comments here attacking people as their way of healing.

It's ok if you don't agree. If you had to use an old high school coach as a reference for someone you know who has divorced, then obviously this post was not about you. I was a betrayed spouse. I was speaking to others who have been through it. Not people who know somebody who knows somebody who coached them in high school.

You’re beyond dense or delusioned Op, or just super fake and it’s too obvious.

That is not what you previously posted nor your previous message during this thread. Don’t bother contorting yourself now to change your tune.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say some people are going through the process you went through to heal, they just aren't there yet. They may be in the anger stage and that is completely normal.

Its nice to have compassion in life and realise that not everyone else is having a great day like you are. Its ok if they are sad, hurt or angry. Its probably still raw for them.

Just because you are over and done with it doesn't mean everyone else is. Imagine you told a friend you were getting a divorce because he cheated and they simply told you to get over it. I imagine its healthier to go through that rage stage, no point keeping it held inside.

ITA but after a while it's so unhealthy. My MIL is still not over it over 10 years later and frankly it is getting annoying for everyone, including her adult kids.

What you don’t understand about loss that destroys your life and life dream is that is does not ever resolve. It compounds over time. All the milestones all the would have beens the whole unfulfilled life runs alongside your actual lived life, mocking you, forever. To get over or past it you have to literally change who you are, lie to yourself about what you believed and wanted, adjust your values to your reality instead of the reverse; while all around you are people still living your dream. That’s why.

This is the kind of unhealthy obsession that OP is talking about.

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

What’s your question?

People can still divorce, heal and tell their truths wherever or whenever they want.

Last month I had dinner with an old high school coach of mine who was in town. While catching up he had an earful to say about his divorce 20 years ago. Did I complain or fault him for merely saying his truth? No.

Grow up OP. Esp for an anonymous chat board where all you have to do is go read something else. Your post is asinine.

Comprehension is your friend. My post was not about people posting about their affair pain. My post was about the name calling and immature attacks on people who have been in affairs. My post was asking do people get therapy to heal from their affair pain or do they just post hateful comments here attacking people as their way of healing.

It's ok if you don't agree. If you had to use an old high school coach as a reference for someone you know who has divorced, then obviously this post was not about you. I was a betrayed spouse. I was speaking to others who have been through it. Not people who know somebody who knows somebody who coached them in high school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

I can tell this thread is a bash women thread so we should ignore

Exactly. OP is not a "healed wife"

OP here. You are correct, I'm a healed EX-wife. The point is to make a choice, get some healing and move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t get therapy because they don’t see that they are part of the problem in their own misery, and often feel like being a victim gets them some kind of social leverage.

I understand that being cheated on can be a very traumatic event to some people, but the choice to not heal and move on to real happiness is what baffles me.

This. But it's probably just a handful of women with too much time on their hands. They just show up in every thread because the whole world must know.

Anonymous wrote:Some people can't adjust and move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say some people are going through the process you went through to heal, they just aren't there yet. They may be in the anger stage and that is completely normal.

Its nice to have compassion in life and realise that not everyone else is having a great day like you are. Its ok if they are sad, hurt or angry. Its probably still raw for them.

Just because you are over and done with it doesn't mean everyone else is. Imagine you told a friend you were getting a divorce because he cheated and they simply told you to get over it. I imagine its healthier to go through that rage stage, no point keeping it held inside.

ITA but after a while it's so unhealthy. My MIL is still not over it over 10 years later and frankly it is getting annoying for everyone, including her adult kids.

What you don’t understand about loss that destroys your life and life dream is that is does not ever resolve. It compounds over time. All the milestones all the would have beens the whole unfulfilled life runs alongside your actual lived life, mocking you, forever. To get over or past it you have to literally change who you are, lie to yourself about what you believed and wanted, adjust your values to your reality instead of the reverse; while all around you are people still living your dream. That’s why.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

What’s your question?

People can still divorce, heal and tell their truths wherever or whenever they want.

Last month I had dinner with an old high school coach of mine who was in town. While catching up he had an earful to say about his divorce 20 years ago. Did I complain or fault him for merely saying his truth? No.

Grow up OP. Esp for an anonymous chat board where all you have to do is go read something else. Your post is asinine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

I'm glad for you if you are in a healthy place. For some people, the destruction of ones marriage has life long negative implications, and also for one's children. It's not easy to just shrug off the trauma when you still have to live it, for example, raising the cheater's children for about 20 years.

And I say that as someone who has forgiven my dad and step mom for cheating and wrecking our family, and who is friendly with my cheating, gaslighting ex, to the point where we do extended family vacations together.

But there are some wounds that take decades to heal. Decades.

Anonymous wrote:


Please report, people. It's a troll.


I've been on DCUM for close to 15 years now, and there's been a recent uptick in such posts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t get therapy because they don’t see that they are part of the problem in their own misery, and often feel like being a victim gets them some kind of social leverage.

I understand that being cheated on can be a very traumatic event to some people, but the choice to not heal and move on to real happiness is what baffles me.

This. But it's probably just a handful of women with too much time on their hands. They just show up in every thread because the whole world must know.

I find it odd to blame the victims. How about the nasty cheaters bragging about what crappy people they are.[b]

To be fair we are all here.....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a ton here. Ranting and raving about how awful cheaters are on every thread, name calling, immature snarkiness. My ex-husband had an affair, we separated, we reconciled, he did it again, we divorced. It was painful, it was ugly, but craps happens. Heal and get over it, and move on with your life. Giving non-useful advice isn't going to heal you. And all the AP/cheating husband name calling in the world isn't going stop them.

Do betrayed spouses get therapy, or is bleeding all over DCUM therapy for you?

Just wondering.

I can tell this thread is a bash women thread so we should ignore

Exactly. OP is not a "healed wife"