Anonymous
12/12/2021 17:00
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
I'm in my 40's. I still remember the very first day of grade 9, that the one teacher had a very blunt talk with us girls about boys and sex. That they would be doing everything they could to get into our pants including pressuring, mocking, saying they would break up with us etc.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 16:59
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.
Depends on the state and the lawyer. Could be done.
They could also just press police charges and let the district attorney go after him.
Sometimes the healthiest thing for w9men and girls to do is to fight back and feel strong in their own agency.
She needs to learn this without prosecuting this young man. She said yes. She was not threatened or forced - “I’m going to break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not a threat to her person.
I think he is a sleazeball - but seriously, why do y’all think 17-18 year old guys date freshmen? It’s not because your daughter is so awesome. It’s a lot easier to talk a 14 yo into sex acts (vs a 17-18 girl).
She said no many times first and was 14! He was close to legal adulthood and at the end of high school.
I would go after him if she was my daughter.
I would also do all the other stuff her family is already doing.
"Go after him" how? Legally? You can't, it's not a crime to break up with someone.
Physically? Now THAT would be assault, and then he CAN "go after" YOU legally.
I would Look into pressing police charges, which would still be within statute of limitations.
I Would look forward lawyer who specializes in sexual assaults against minors.
He coerced a near child into sex she did not want. That is assault against a minor and in some states 14 years old is below the age of consent for any9ne even older teens.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 16:56
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.
Depends on the state and the lawyer. Could be done.
They could also just press police charges and let the district attorney go after him.
Sometimes the healthiest thing for w9men and girls to do is to fight back and feel strong in their own agency.
She needs to learn this without prosecuting this young man. She said yes. She was not threatened or forced - “I’m going to break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not a threat to her person.
I think he is a sleazeball - but seriously, why do y’all think 17-18 year old guys date freshmen? It’s not because your daughter is so awesome. It’s a lot easier to talk a 14 yo into sex acts (vs a 17-18 girl).
She said no many times first and was 14! He was close to legal adulthood and at the end of high school.
I would go after him if she was my daughter.
I would also do all the other stuff her family is already doing.
"Go after him" how? Legally? You can't, it's not a crime to break up with someone.
Physically? Now THAT would be assault, and then he CAN "go after" YOU legally.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 16:54
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.
Depends on the state and the lawyer. Could be done.
They could also just press police charges and let the district attorney go after him.
Sometimes the healthiest thing for w9men and girls to do is to fight back and feel strong in their own agency.
She needs to learn this without prosecuting this young man. She said yes. She was not threatened or forced - “I’m going to break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not a threat to her person.
I think he is a sleazeball - but seriously, why do y’all think 17-18 year old guys date freshmen? It’s not because your daughter is so awesome. It’s a lot easier to talk a 14 yo into sex acts (vs a 17-18 girl).
She said no many times first and was 14! He was close to legal adulthood and at the end of high school.
I would go after him if she was my daughter.
I would also do all the other stuff her family is already doing.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 16:51
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not all asshole behavior is a crime.
This boyfriend sounds like a tool but come on, saying “I’ll break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not rape. If she had been a little older and wiser she probably would have seen this for the red flag that it is. He was selfish. He sounds like a crappy boyfriend and not a great person. That doesn’t make him a rapist though.
I hope your niece gets help and I hope she stays away from the jerk guys in the future.
saying he'll break up with her can be considered a threat
He’s not obligated to continue to date her! We are failing our girls if we don’t tell them that sex can create feelings of attachment, especially for girls and young women. It’s an intimate act. I feel terrible for this girl, and yes, the guy sounds like a horrible person, but what he did wasn’t criminal. We need to do a better job with our girls and the messages we give them about sex.
Disagree and agree.
The young man should be held accountable.
Yes girls need to be warned.
Accountable for what? For having sex? Should girls be accountable for having sex?
Anonymous
12/12/2021 16:47
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not all asshole behavior is a crime.
This boyfriend sounds like a tool but come on, saying “I’ll break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not rape. If she had been a little older and wiser she probably would have seen this for the red flag that it is. He was selfish. He sounds like a crappy boyfriend and not a great person. That doesn’t make him a rapist though.
I hope your niece gets help and I hope she stays away from the jerk guys in the future.
saying he'll break up with her can be considered a threat
No.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 16:33
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
It is so strange that every 17 year old boy is seen as a predator. I wonder if this was his first girlfriend…most likely be of the senior freshman thing.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 16:24
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.
Depends on the state and the lawyer. Could be done.
They could also just press police charges and let the district attorney go after him.
Sometimes the healthiest thing for w9men and girls to do is to fight back and feel strong in their own agency.
She needs to learn this without prosecuting this young man. She said yes. She was not threatened or forced - “I’m going to break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not a threat to her person.
I think he is a sleazeball - but seriously, why do y’all think 17-18 year old guys date freshmen? It’s not because your daughter is so awesome. It’s a lot easier to talk a 14 yo into sex acts (vs a 17-18 girl).
Not really because believe it or not many girls want to have sex, specially by 17-18. You act like it is only the boys want to try sex. All girls are just helpless flowers go can be easily talked into sex by any boys.
I agree with this sentiment, but not the way it was expressed. Rape is real, and terrible, and consent is critical.
But females have agency. We get to make choices.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 16:22
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:My niece, 14-year-old freshman, dated a 17-year-old senior at her high school. She liked him because he was popular and smart. He found out that she liked him and asked her out. With the exception of one date where they saw a movie, their relationship consisted of him driving her to his house during lunch period and things progressed sexually. She did not want to have sex, told him she didn’t want it, but he pressured her and coerced her. Told her he would break up with her if she didn’t. She reluctantly went through with it but hated it. She eventually started cutting herself and other self-harm. After he graduated, he called her to say he was breaking up with her because he was going to college. She became depressed and had substance abuse issues. She is in therapy. Is what happened to her just poor judgment or self esteem on her part, or did the guy commit some kind of actionable offense against her?[/quote
What is the timeline here? He broke up with her last June?
The devil is in the details of the bolded, specifically the "coerce" part.
I don't necessarily think it is wrong for a boy that age to want to have sex, to express that desire, and to try encourage a girlfriend. All of that can happen while still being very respectful of consent.
And "threatening to break up if she doesn't have sex" is really just saying that the couple is not compatible.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 16:21
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.
Depends on the state and the lawyer. Could be done.
They could also just press police charges and let the district attorney go after him.
Sometimes the healthiest thing for w9men and girls to do is to fight back and feel strong in their own agency.
She needs to learn this without prosecuting this young man. She said yes. She was not threatened or forced - “I’m going to break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not a threat to her person.
I think he is a sleazeball - but seriously, why do y’all think 17-18 year old guys date freshmen? It’s not because your daughter is so awesome. It’s a lot easier to talk a 14 yo into sex acts (vs a 17-18 girl).
Not really because believe it or not many girls want to have sex, specially by 17-18. You act like it is only the boys want to try sex. All girls are just helpless flowers go can be easily talked into sex by any boys.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 16:07
Subject: Re:Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
This is sad and unfortunate but would never be prosecuted.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 16:02
Subject: Re:Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
I have no idea.
Your niece’s parents need to get their act together though. Even if it’s 100% this boy, and he is a predator, there is a reason that this girl was interested in a boy like that, and there is a reason that he thought she was easy prey.
More likely, she isn’t getting a lot of her emotional needs met at home or through friends, and this relationship took on outsized importance in her life. She probably did have sex with him because she was afraid of losing him. Whether or not he actually pressured her is not that important (to her). She felt that he did.
Your niece’s parents need to get their act together though. Even if it’s 100% this boy, and he is a predator, there is a reason that this girl was interested in a boy like that, and there is a reason that he thought she was easy prey.
More likely, she isn’t getting a lot of her emotional needs met at home or through friends, and this relationship took on outsized importance in her life. She probably did have sex with him because she was afraid of losing him. Whether or not he actually pressured her is not that important (to her). She felt that he did.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 15:53
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just because something cannot be proven to be a criminal offense doesn't mean it isn't an act worthy of unequivocal condemnation.
I am so sorry for your nice. I hope that this guy never touches another girl or woman. But he is probably just going to destroy more lives.
And just because the girl tells her parents and family she was pressured does not make it so. I bet the family is really concerned and upset about the cutting and to them the boyfriend must be the problem. She could have “felt“ that he would break up with her but who knows what was said. I really doubt a senior dating a freshman is going to break up over sex. You all forget this boy is a senior who could not date anyone in his grade or the two grades below. I bet he was virgin.
This.
Did anyone see the movie “Thirteen?” At the end of the movie both girls’ mothers blame the other girl for their daughter’s issues.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 15:45
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
This was assault. Whether it can be prosecuted is a different matter (I’m not a lawyer). But it was wrong, it wasn’t her fault and now please find a good therapist who can help.
Anonymous
12/12/2021 15:22
Subject: Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.
Depends on the state and the lawyer. Could be done.
They could also just press police charges and let the district attorney go after him.
Sometimes the healthiest thing for w9men and girls to do is to fight back and feel strong in their own agency.
She needs to learn this without prosecuting this young man. She said yes. She was not threatened or forced - “I’m going to break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not a threat to her person.
I think he is a sleazeball - but seriously, why do y’all think 17-18 year old guys date freshmen? It’s not because your daughter is so awesome. It’s a lot easier to talk a 14 yo into sex acts (vs a 17-18 girl).