Anonymous
Post 12/13/2021 17:58     Subject: Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
Appetite stimulant medications
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2021 17:56     Subject: Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Throw some pediasure at her?


This. Or could do yummy chocolate Simply Terra's Whey powder shake from Moms Organic Market, blend with ice and milk, can add little Stevia if you like. It doesn't have weird herbal stuff added to it.


My kid has been very low weight her whole life, between <1 and 5th percentile. Our ped was adamant about no pediasure or other supplement drinks. Why would you take a perfectly healthy kid with a smallish appetite and fill them up with weird supplements?


+1000. I haaaaaate people who suggest crap supplemental drinks.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2021 12:44     Subject: Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
You are creating a more positive relationship surrounding mealtime and food!

In time she will come around to not associating the presence of food with anger and frustration around her being bad for not eating.
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2021 12:38     Subject: Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
Good update, OP! Keep at it and things will improve, I am sure. You are employing some good tactics to change behaviors and show her that she is in control of how much she eats from what you give her. yes, keep reminding yourself that she is not starving. A hungry child will eat, when they need to, I promise.
jsmith123
Post 12/13/2021 11:03     Subject: Re:Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
Anonymous wrote:This is OP- thought I'd give an update since people seemed interested. Last night was night 3 of 'no interference dinner'. We incorporated a few of the things people suggested, plus a couple other things.

First, we made a clear-set start to dinner by saying a blessing- something which we never did before, but a friend suggested incorporating some kind of ritual to formally start meal time.
Then, we set a 20 minute timer. I use a timer we got from a Lovevery kit, which has a color countdown, so she can see how much time she has.
I am continuing to serve her the same food that we eat, which always includes something she likes.
And, we've eliminated desserts, just to get rid of the whole: you didn't eat enough dinner to have a cookie argument.
Both DH and I have ceased commenting at all on how much she eats.

Day 1 was very stress inducing (internally) for me, because she ate NOTHING. She was giving us side-eye the whole time waiting for us to say something, but otherwise seemed pretty happy about the evening. No arguments at all.
Day 2 she ate a good 1/3 of the food on her plate, which was amazing. No arguments whatsoever.
Day 3 dinner was a little late, and she had a hangry tantrum about the existence of cauliflower. Once she calmed down though, she nibbled at her chicken and couscous, and ended the evening in a great mood.

Overall, I'd say that so far, this is mostly a success. She's happier, I'm happier that she is happier, and I enjoy not being the mean food police. BUT it is still a serious struggle watching her not eat. I've pulled up this thread a few times and reread it for reassurance that she's not starving, and that's been helpful.





Thanks for the update OP. The fact that you've seen progress in 3 days is awesome!
Anonymous
Post 12/13/2021 10:55     Subject: Re:Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
This is OP- thought I'd give an update since people seemed interested. Last night was night 3 of 'no interference dinner'. We incorporated a few of the things people suggested, plus a couple other things.

First, we made a clear-set start to dinner by saying a blessing- something which we never did before, but a friend suggested incorporating some kind of ritual to formally start meal time.
Then, we set a 20 minute timer. I use a timer we got from a Lovevery kit, which has a color countdown, so she can see how much time she has.
I am continuing to serve her the same food that we eat, which always includes something she likes.
And, we've eliminated desserts, just to get rid of the whole: you didn't eat enough dinner to have a cookie argument.
Both DH and I have ceased commenting at all on how much she eats.

Day 1 was very stress inducing (internally) for me, because she ate NOTHING. She was giving us side-eye the whole time waiting for us to say something, but otherwise seemed pretty happy about the evening. No arguments at all.
Day 2 she ate a good 1/3 of the food on her plate, which was amazing. No arguments whatsoever.
Day 3 dinner was a little late, and she had a hangry tantrum about the existence of cauliflower. Once she calmed down though, she nibbled at her chicken and couscous, and ended the evening in a great mood.

Overall, I'd say that so far, this is mostly a success. She's happier, I'm happier that she is happier, and I enjoy not being the mean food police. BUT it is still a serious struggle watching her not eat. I've pulled up this thread a few times and reread it for reassurance that she's not starving, and that's been helpful.



Anonymous
Post 12/12/2021 23:22     Subject: Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I understand, OP. My kids eat pretty well during the day, but dinner is always a crapshoot. They are hungry at 4:00pm (after school), but can take up to two hours to touch any food we prepare. They nibble a little and mostly ignore the food.

Then, almost invariably, at 8:00pm, after teeth are brushed and we're getting ready for bed, they demand a full 8-course meal (and will eat it).

I have no idea what to do. Watching this thread closely for ideas.


Do you give them the dinner you prepared as the 8 course meal? Or something else? Why don’t you just serve it at 7:30 and then do bedtime routine?



Pp here. Because they are seriously hangry at 4:00pm. I’ve tried giving them just a snack, but they invariably want to stuff their faces with the snack food. Then when presented a balanced meal, turn their noses up and beg for more snacks. Better to give them the balanced meal when they are hungriest. But then they pick at it. When that happens we allow them pouches or a pbj sando, at the advice of a nutritionist.
Anonymous
Post 12/12/2021 04:34     Subject: Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
Hi, this is a really good question because they can be such picky eaters! Everyone has such good advice too.
I was wondering if anyone is willing to share more about your experiences on a 25 minute focus group?
It is running until 18th December 2021 with a prize draw for £100 and in the focus group we can hear more about your struggles.
Also if you are a parent that has overcome this struggle you can share it with others.
Anyone with a spare 25 minutes would be much appreciated! Thanks, Stella

Learn more about the event: https://sites.google.com/view/sehtis-group/home
Register directly here: https://forms.office.com/r/KbrhGQpTnh
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2021 06:40     Subject: Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
Any other signs of ADHD?
Anonymous
Post 12/11/2021 03:52     Subject: Re:Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
At 20 percentile and with no concerns from your pediatrician, it doesn’t sound like her eating is a problem. If she drops off her growth curve, your pediatrician will tell you. But absent that, there is no reason to be concerned.

Anonymous
Post 12/11/2021 03:04     Subject: Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
I agree with many others here. Set a length of time for a meal. A countdown clock could help if she needs help figuring out how long a half hour is, for example.

Provide three meals and two snacks a day. I don’t get why you don’t give snacks on weekends if she’s not eating a lot at meals? It’s another opportunity to get calories in so I would absolutely provide weekend snacks. And if breakfast is her best meal, put more on her plate then. An extra slice of wheat toast, a full fat yogurt, a turkey sausage patty etc.

I’m sure you’ve tried everything, but what has helped my kiddo get out of a no food rut is: 1. Helping cook/prepare the meal; 2. Getting free range to pick one new food to try a week at the grocery store; 3. The power of smoothies. Mine loves helping blend them and I know I can get milk protein, veggies and fruit in that way if she’s not into meals one day.

Otherwise, make sure she is getting plenty of liquids, and I’d layoff the cajoling or pressure. She is at a healthy weight and height, some kids just eat more or less than average. It could be a phase, or she could be a high metabolism kid. I have a friend who eats maybe 800 calories a day as an adult. Not to try to be a certain size or anything, but rather, that’s just how she has built. She doesn’t need a ton of calories. Some people are just like that.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2021 22:43     Subject: Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
Just let it go. The more you push, the more she will resist.

I have a friend who's kid sees a food therapist- rule of thumb, don't push, don't play games, don't bribe. If they don't want any real food but want ice cream, they get ice cream. (of course this depends on age and the child's health). But relatively speaking.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2021 21:39     Subject: Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
Yeah, when my kid was 4, he ate a big breakfast, including milk, at home. Then breakfast, lunch, and snack with two servings of milk at school. He was rarely hungry for dinner. We just got used to not “seeing” much of what he ate.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2021 20:16     Subject: Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate the Ellyn Satter advice. My 5 year old kid is the same, OP. She will ignore her body and her hunger and thirst as long as she can go. Then she will have multiple tantrums over it and still we have to suggest to her that it’s because she’s hungry and she will scream, I’m not hungry. Hysterics ensue. When we can get food into her, get her to use the bathroom, and then drink water she turns into a different kid. We talk when she’s calm about why that happened and remind her to pay attention to her body. Yet it happens with regularity. So we regularly bother and bribe her to eat to avoid an hour of hysteria that will follow if we don’t and prevent us from literally getting to school and to bed and anywhere else we ever need to go. I feel like a hostage with this behavior but we have routines we have to follow.


I think I posted this before in a similar thread but I also have a kid who will melt down when hangry. We allow fruit and vegetables any time and if the kid is truly hungry they will eat a piece of fruit and that is often enough to head off the tantrum. We also allow a glass of milk before bed if they are hungry. I think the problem is when snacks are junk food like white crackers so obviously kids want to fill up on that instead of their meals.


The choice of snack thing is key. Our issue is that we tried the thing where she could always have fruit, but then she very suddenly started rejecting all fruit. It was tough.

So we still allow snacks but we’ve had t expand our ideas and it’s hard because so many snacks are cracker based. We do: apple sauce (this has escaped the fruit ban somehow), peanut butter on something (sometimes I can sneak fruit into this situation), popcorn, a small amount of goldfish, string cheese.

It’s not great because the popcorn doesn’t fill her up and contributes to mindless snacking. But at least then she’ll be hungry for dinner. Whereas peanut butter does calm the hangries but can also diminish appetite for dinner.

This kid really keeps me on my toes. Every time I think I’ve figured something out, she weaves left. Recently she told us she doesn’t like pizza anymore. Pizza! Thank gif she’ll still eat Mexican food. It’s the only thing keeping family dinners alive. And pasta, though she will only do a butter cream sauce right now. Sigh.


Stop with the snacks and just give four meals a day. I like her style if she'll only have a cream sauce.


I mean she gets two snacks at school no matter what I do (and they are usually junk). Plus she’ll pick at her lunch no matter what. So I only give her one snack a day, but it’s after hours of eating snacks and skipping lunch so it’s a bit of a bind.


That's why she's not hungry. She's getting three snacks a day. Can you send food for snacks and make it a meal vs. snack. Give her a meal right when she gets home. That's what we always did with our kids when they were that age as they were starving after school. Then we'd do a large snack/meal before bed. If she had breakfast, a snack at 10:30 and lunch at noon that makes sense why she's not hungry. With three meals and three snacks, if they are big, that's too much for a 4 year old.
Anonymous
Post 12/10/2021 20:03     Subject: Four year old won't eat meals- so exhausted with the struggle
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I hate the Ellyn Satter advice. My 5 year old kid is the same, OP. She will ignore her body and her hunger and thirst as long as she can go. Then she will have multiple tantrums over it and still we have to suggest to her that it’s because she’s hungry and she will scream, I’m not hungry. Hysterics ensue. When we can get food into her, get her to use the bathroom, and then drink water she turns into a different kid. We talk when she’s calm about why that happened and remind her to pay attention to her body. Yet it happens with regularity. So we regularly bother and bribe her to eat to avoid an hour of hysteria that will follow if we don’t and prevent us from literally getting to school and to bed and anywhere else we ever need to go. I feel like a hostage with this behavior but we have routines we have to follow.


I think I posted this before in a similar thread but I also have a kid who will melt down when hangry. We allow fruit and vegetables any time and if the kid is truly hungry they will eat a piece of fruit and that is often enough to head off the tantrum. We also allow a glass of milk before bed if they are hungry. I think the problem is when snacks are junk food like white crackers so obviously kids want to fill up on that instead of their meals.


The choice of snack thing is key. Our issue is that we tried the thing where she could always have fruit, but then she very suddenly started rejecting all fruit. It was tough.

So we still allow snacks but we’ve had t expand our ideas and it’s hard because so many snacks are cracker based. We do: apple sauce (this has escaped the fruit ban somehow), peanut butter on something (sometimes I can sneak fruit into this situation), popcorn, a small amount of goldfish, string cheese.

It’s not great because the popcorn doesn’t fill her up and contributes to mindless snacking. But at least then she’ll be hungry for dinner. Whereas peanut butter does calm the hangries but can also diminish appetite for dinner.

This kid really keeps me on my toes. Every time I think I’ve figured something out, she weaves left. Recently she told us she doesn’t like pizza anymore. Pizza! Thank gif she’ll still eat Mexican food. It’s the only thing keeping family dinners alive. And pasta, though she will only do a butter cream sauce right now. Sigh.


Stop with the snacks and just give four meals a day. I like her style if she'll only have a cream sauce.


I mean she gets two snacks at school no matter what I do (and they are usually junk). Plus she’ll pick at her lunch no matter what. So I only give her one snack a day, but it’s after hours of eating snacks and skipping lunch so it’s a bit of a bind.