Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now might be the time to ask your DC what she REALLY thinks. If she doesn’t like it have her ask grandma. Please don’t call me that ! My name is Sarah.

I mean, this is not a terrible approach.

But I also think we do our kids a service by teaching tolerance and an understanding that we can't control our environment and everything around us. There is no reason in this thread so far to think that grandma is anything other than a loving presence in the child's life who wants to bond with her. This use of a nickname is not malicious or manipulative or intended to cause any harm at all. In fact, quite the opposite. So why not just let it go?

But it is manipulative, even if it’s not intentional. Grandma is trying to co-opt a level of intimacy that the parents have built with the child. This is not a nickname that was born organically out of grandma-granddaughter relationship.

If grandma tried to pull this with an adult, she would be shut down pretty quickly. Most adults I know would find it uncomfortable if a friend decided to use a pet name their husband uses. Yet we think it’s perfectly ok to violate children’s intimacy boundaries this way.

There is an awful lot of imputed intentions and charged language here. Also likely- grandma heard the nickname, thought it was adorable, and started using it. It is not uncommon in families for a nickname to be used by a lot of family members.
And "violating intimacy boundaries" is... an odd use of all three words individually, and more odd when strung together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now might be the time to ask your DC what she REALLY thinks. If she doesn’t like it have her ask grandma. Please don’t call me that ! My name is Sarah.

I mean, this is not a terrible approach.

But I also think we do our kids a service by teaching tolerance and an understanding that we can't control our environment and everything around us. There is no reason in this thread so far to think that grandma is anything other than a loving presence in the child's life who wants to bond with her. This use of a nickname is not malicious or manipulative or intended to cause any harm at all. In fact, quite the opposite. So why not just let it go?

But it is manipulative, even if it’s not intentional. Grandma is trying to co-opt a level of intimacy that the parents have built with the child. This is not a nickname that was born organically out of grandma-granddaughter relationship.

If grandma tried to pull this with an adult, she would be shut down pretty quickly. Most adults I know would find it uncomfortable if a friend decided to use a pet name their husband uses. Yet we think it’s perfectly ok to violate children’s intimacy boundaries this way.

I just wish DCUM parents (and so many others) would learn that their children are not possessions to squirrel away, and that the more people who love them and surround them with love is better for them. It doesn’t take away your love to have someone else adore them too.

Time to fade out the nickname.

Let it go

Anonymous wrote:OP, I didn’t read all of the other responses, but I can totally relate to this.
My middle daughter has a long name and DH and I came up with an adorable nickname for her straight away. In the hospital my MIL heard it and stuck with it for awhile.
Sadly, it bothered me and sadly, I rarely use it now because I wanted the nickname to mine for DD.
Haters can hate, but I relate to your post.

My solution was to phase it out (in public). Hope this helps for you.

Wow. I just posted about the trollishnish of this post and can't believe someone else relates.

When I first read the OP, I thought MIL made up the silly nickname. Does everyone get that OP (and her DH) came up with the nickname and use it??! She is fine with the name and uses it around MIL but doesn't want MIL to use it. Crazy. I almost think this has to be a troll.

OP, I didn’t read all of the other responses, but I can totally relate to this.
My middle daughter has a long name and DH and I came up with an adorable nickname for her straight away. In the hospital my MIL heard it and stuck with it for awhile.
Sadly, it bothered me and sadly, I rarely use it now because I wanted the nickname to mine for DD.
Haters can hate, but I relate to your post.

My solution was to phase it out (in public). Hope this helps for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now might be the time to ask your DC what she REALLY thinks. If she doesn’t like it have her ask grandma. Please don’t call me that ! My name is Sarah.

I mean, this is not a terrible approach.

But I also think we do our kids a service by teaching tolerance and an understanding that we can't control our environment and everything around us. There is no reason in this thread so far to think that grandma is anything other than a loving presence in the child's life who wants to bond with her. This use of a nickname is not malicious or manipulative or intended to cause any harm at all. In fact, quite the opposite. So why not just let it go?

Tolerance yes, but I wouldn’t teach my kids to be passive regarding their name.

Silly nicknames should stop entirely.

Anonymous wrote:Now might be the time to ask your DC what she REALLY thinks. If she doesn’t like it have her ask grandma. Please don’t call me that ! My name is Sarah.

I mean, this is not a terrible approach.

But I also think we do our kids a service by teaching tolerance and an understanding that we can't control our environment and everything around us. There is no reason in this thread so far to think that grandma is anything other than a loving presence in the child's life who wants to bond with her. This use of a nickname is not malicious or manipulative or intended to cause any harm at all. In fact, quite the opposite. So why not just let it go?

My MIL made up a ridiculous nickname for my DD. Think Kather weeny. Didn’t go over well.

Now might be the time to ask your DC what she REALLY thinks. If she doesn’t like it have her ask grandma. Please don’t call me that ! My name is Sarah.

OP let it go. You’re making a difficult situation where there is none. Your kid will be fine if you stop making it a big deal.

This takes the cake. I hate my MIL. My kid also has a pet name that DH and I use at home. When MIL started using the name (also only at home) after hearing it, there was no way I would say anything. She's adopting a term of endearment for a close family member she loves dearly. And commenting "...do you mean Sarah?" is truly rude. How would she intuit that the nickname is only for your use? Parents are typically not territorial to that extreme and you've shown that yes, the nickname does in fact = Sarah. Seriously, I am never team MIL but you are awful.

I’m guessing your daughter doesn’t like when you say it either, but since she is a people pleaser she doesn’t tell you.

That will change as she gets older.

Stop using the nickname. Period.