There is a married man at our daughter's school who keeps trying to be "friends" with my wife. He is always asking her to meet for coffee, and makes a beeline to her at school events. She finds it annoying. At first I was a bit jealous, but he is such a clown that now we just laugh about it. Not all male/female friendships are as transparent as this one, but if you look closely, you can see that all men pursuing friendships with women are like this guy on some level. They are just more skilled.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I’m a woman, I have close male friends who aren’t my husband. We all have young children though so we don’t go out alone for drinks anymore…it’s just too complicated. And

I've found that part of this for me is as a working mom, I get a limited amount of free time. The order in which I want to spend that free time is:

1) me + husband alone time

2) me + whole family quality time

3) me - hobby alone time

4) me + friends alone time

So that hierarchy makes me REALLY picky about which friends I "expend" that free time with.
And that's not even accounting for the Covid risk calculations.

From a woman's perspective, of course they can be friends.

But from the man's, it is mainly about sex. If he is single, or if he is married but willing to cheat, then the "friendship" is about the opportunity. If he is married and faithful, then he won't put on the moves, but still he is fantasizing.

I am sorry to be the reality broker, but that is how people are wired.

Anonymous wrote:
Not necessarily, she could be too hot and out of their league guys know not to reach too high. Also she might be rally assertive and not be f-able to most guys because they cant handle the assertiveness. Or maybe she’s a b*tch and guys don’t want to f her.

Some computer/engineering guys want to f really mean, non-hot women. They look at hot women in porn though.

I am in a very male dominated field and so most of my friends are men. My closest friendships though are with women.

I don’t even understand this question. Of course men and women can be friends!

I can be really good friends with attractive women. They just can’t be potentially sexually available for me. A lot of my male friends have hot girlfriends and wives. Since I won’t sleep with them, we can be friends. Same deal with a hot lesbian who is my best friend.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but honestly I only made close male friends before marriage; since then it's maintenance of those old friendships, and maybe friendly co-workers/spouses of friends.

+1. Plus a couple of exes I’ve remained friendly with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in my early 50s, married since late 20s. Friends of mine from HS who are male, who I've been friends with for decades, are still my friends. Nothing romantic or sexual, we've known each other for what feels like forever.

I work in a customer service industry, and have male clients (not really the right word, but close enough) whom I have become friendly with. I am happily married, they are happily married, and yes, we are friends. Meaning, if I left the job tomorrow, we would stay in touch, go out for a meal, and remain friends.

You must be ugly. I can only be friends with a woman whom I’m not attracted to. If there is attraction, then
can’t be friends - the sex part always gets in the way. Sorry…I’m not a bad guy - just a normal heterosexual dude.

Not necessarily, she could be too hot and out of their league guys know not to reach too high. Also she might be rally assertive and not be f-able to most guys because they cant handle the assertiveness. Or maybe she’s a b*tch and guys don’t want to f her.

Yes, that definitely happens too. The men just flock and are happy to be friend-zoned, especially if they're married with kids. It adds a little piquant to their lives, in a safe way. I assume the same is true for women and handsome men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No not really. You can be acquaintances at best, or friends in a group or as couples. Men don’t want a close 1:1 woman friendship. They just don’t.

See, this is sexist. It's like thinking homosexuals present in one way, and heteros in another. People are people and you will get various personalities associated with various genders and sexual orientations.

I'm willing to bet, pp you're responding to is a guy., and you are a woman, why do the women here get mad at guys for not thinking like women? There are differences between men and women and how they approach relationships and the world whether you like it or not,

Yes and no. I am a woman, and I've known heterosexual men seek one-on-one friendships with women, without looking for sex. One is friends with me right now, in fact. Now I'm perfectly willing to concede that the thought crosses their minds. That's OK, and for women too. We can all have a nice friendships with others of any sexual orientation who are great company and whom we can call on for help, and help out ourselves, with or without sexual or romantic tension.

So I completely disagree with the other poster's premise that men don't want individual friendships with women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in my early 50s, married since late 20s. Friends of mine from HS who are male, who I've been friends with for decades, are still my friends. Nothing romantic or sexual, we've known each other for what feels like forever.

I work in a customer service industry, and have male clients (not really the right word, but close enough) whom I have become friendly with. I am happily married, they are happily married, and yes, we are friends. Meaning, if I left the job tomorrow, we would stay in touch, go out for a meal, and remain friends.

You must be ugly. I can only be friends with a woman whom I’m not attracted to. If there is attraction, then
can’t be friends - the sex part always gets in the way. Sorry…I’m not a bad guy - just a normal heterosexual dude.

Not necessarily, she could be too hot and out of their league guys know not to reach too high. Also she might be rally assertive and not be f-able to most guys because they cant handle the assertiveness. Or maybe she’s a b*tch and guys don’t want to f her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In theory, yes, but in reality, one usually has or develops romantic hopes or feelings for the other eve if they never verbalize it to that person

So what, this is probably true in many same sex friendships as well, just completely repressed due to social norms. Some of the feelings I’ve had for women friends have been very intense.

I think we probably have thoughts and feelings of all kinds for all kinds of people in all kinds of relationships — parents, teachers, colleagues, etc. It doesn’t prevent those relationships from going forward. Reality is complicated.

1. The question is about men and women so we aren't discussing same sec friends and relationships.


2. No I don't think most people develop romantic feelings for parents, teachers, colleagues etc, and one is just suppressing the.


3. Get a clue and lose the attitude!

How rude. I think the poster you are responding to has a point. I disagree about the frequency of romantic or sexual feelings, I don't think they occur all that often, but of course that depends on the circumstances and the individual.

Yes, I’m a woman, I have close male friends who aren’t my husband. We all have young children though so we don’t go out alone for drinks anymore…it’s just too complicated. And

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in my early 50s, married since late 20s. Friends of mine from HS who are male, who I've been friends with for decades, are still my friends. Nothing romantic or sexual, we've known each other for what feels like forever.

I work in a customer service industry, and have male clients (not really the right word, but close enough) whom I have become friendly with. I am happily married, they are happily married, and yes, we are friends. Meaning, if I left the job tomorrow, we would stay in touch, go out for a meal, and remain friends.

You must be ugly. I can only be friends with a woman whom I’m not attracted to. If there is attraction, then
can’t be friends - the sex part always gets in the way. Sorry…I’m not a bad guy - just a normal heterosexual dude.

New poster and ignore this hateful troll. While I am as red blooded and sex motivated as any man, I have lots of attractive female friends
And yes, I want to sleep with many of them but no it doesn't get in the way of our friendship

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in my early 50s, married since late 20s. Friends of mine from HS who are male, who I've been friends with for decades, are still my friends. Nothing romantic or sexual, we've known each other for what feels like forever.

I work in a customer service industry, and have male clients (not really the right word, but close enough) whom I have become friendly with. I am happily married, they are happily married, and yes, we are friends. Meaning, if I left the job tomorrow, we would stay in touch, go out for a meal, and remain friends.

You must be ugly. I can only be friends with a woman whom I’m not attracted to. If there is attraction, then
can’t be friends - the sex part always gets in the way. Sorry…I’m not a bad guy - just a normal heterosexual dude.

Define an attractive woman. Like average-ish?

Anonymous wrote:

And to add, I have absolutely had true female friendships and still do, with attractive women but I want to have sex with them and probably would if they were down

But isn't this no big deal? The important thing is that you're friends. Friends give each other the gift of company, and occasionally or regularly help each other out (friends with benefits extend that to other services ). I don't think it's important if sexual attraction sneaks in there. You could argue the same for a gender-fluid person who is occasionally attracted to member of their own sex, while still prioritizing the friendship.