Anonymous
12/04/2021 11:47
Subject: Re:Having Doubts About Girlfriend
People are responding with not helpful advice. This isn’t about whether the Op thinks they are “soul mates” or having unrealistic expectations.
When your dram man looks like Chris Evans and makes $1m a year, but you end up finding yourself madly in love with someone who looks more “regular” and makes $100k and you have real chemistry and are totally aligned with what you want out of life…… that is NOT settling.
When you are dating someone for a year and they are kind and good enough looking and want children and a similar life to you, and you enjoy their company and probably “love “ them and certainly respect them, but maybe don’t have super strong flutters with them, but you are 30 and want kids so you push aside the little voice in your head that you’re not exactly super excited about this person….. that is settling.
I don’t understand these people saying that if the OP is in love with his GF he should just marry her. What does that have to do with the question??? And I don’t understand the people saying that OP needs to grow up and we don’t all get to marry our soul mates. He’s not talking about that. He’s talking about scenario 2 above. And if I were madly in love with someone but knew they only felt about me scenario 2….. I would not want to marry that person with that info.
OP talk to your GF. Talk to an objective best friend or family member you trust who likes and knows the GF but may be able to provide third party advice. And probably talk to a counselor.
When your dram man looks like Chris Evans and makes $1m a year, but you end up finding yourself madly in love with someone who looks more “regular” and makes $100k and you have real chemistry and are totally aligned with what you want out of life…… that is NOT settling.
When you are dating someone for a year and they are kind and good enough looking and want children and a similar life to you, and you enjoy their company and probably “love “ them and certainly respect them, but maybe don’t have super strong flutters with them, but you are 30 and want kids so you push aside the little voice in your head that you’re not exactly super excited about this person….. that is settling.
I don’t understand these people saying that if the OP is in love with his GF he should just marry her. What does that have to do with the question??? And I don’t understand the people saying that OP needs to grow up and we don’t all get to marry our soul mates. He’s not talking about that. He’s talking about scenario 2 above. And if I were madly in love with someone but knew they only felt about me scenario 2….. I would not want to marry that person with that info.
OP talk to your GF. Talk to an objective best friend or family member you trust who likes and knows the GF but may be able to provide third party advice. And probably talk to a counselor.
Anonymous
12/04/2021 09:06
Subject: Having Doubts About Girlfriend
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating my girlfriend for six months, and while I’m happy, I have some worries about the relationship. She told me on the first date that she was looking to get married and settle down, which I understood and respected. I’m at a place in my life where I want the same thing too. She has had a timeline of when she wants to be married and have her first kid. I can’t help but wonder if she loves and sees a future with me, or if I just fit into her plan. One of her best friends admitted that she was not super in love with her husband at the time, but he fit most of wants, and she was ready to get married and started a family. My girlfriend said she understood and sometimes you have to settle a little in order to get the life you want. I’ve asked her about it and she said she loves me and she would not marry if she was sure, but I have this nagging feeling that I’m just one of the many guys she can fit into the role of her husband. Sometimes I think it’s crazy and I’m a paranoid, and other times I think it’s valid and worried about it. I love her and see my life with her, but I wonder if she feels the same way.
Are you a teenager? This is true for everyone. If you dump her, I guarantee she’ll date one of many men who she could be compatible enough to marry. And guess what? So will you! Get over yourself, OP.
The idea that we have soul mates and there’s only have one person out there who’s meant for you is stupid. Proximity is the biggest factor, then attraction and other factors.
Grow up, OP.