Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 19:13     Subject: Re:My DD has been stealing at school
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DD was a thief at that age as well!! She also got caught at school in a similar manner. She apologized to the teacher, things got returned and we had discussions at home. Her felonious behavior stopped and she is Senior in high school going to an Ivy next year (recruited athlete). We now laugh about the incidents and she says shes not sure why she did it except she really wanted those things! It did stress me at the time. I wouldn’t rush off to therapy and go over a cliff, unless there are other behaviors.


Never had my own direct experience but this sounds right.

I stole at that age too. I stole toys from my grandparents house even. Spoon from my friends house I went to for a sleepover (It had a rose on it,) dollhouse furniture, etc. Change off my dads dresser. Never from a store. I just never got caught.

I outgrew it.


I stole candy cigarettes at that age among other things and am a conscientious person/upstanding citizen (never stole anything after second grade or so.) Clearly op knows it’s not ok and will address it but no need to act like a 6 year old is a criminal mastermind.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 19:04     Subject: Re:My DD has been stealing at school
Anonymous wrote:My DD was a thief at that age as well!! She also got caught at school in a similar manner. She apologized to the teacher, things got returned and we had discussions at home. Her felonious behavior stopped and she is Senior in high school going to an Ivy next year (recruited athlete). We now laugh about the incidents and she says shes not sure why she did it except she really wanted those things! It did stress me at the time. I wouldn’t rush off to therapy and go over a cliff, unless there are other behaviors.


Never had my own direct experience but this sounds right.

I stole at that age too. I stole toys from my grandparents house even. Spoon from my friends house I went to for a sleepover (It had a rose on it,) dollhouse furniture, etc. Change off my dads dresser. Never from a store. I just never got caught.

I outgrew it.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 18:59     Subject: My DD has been stealing at school
Are you worried she's a sociopath OP?
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 18:58     Subject: Re:My DD has been stealing at school
My DD was a thief at that age as well!! She also got caught at school in a similar manner. She apologized to the teacher, things got returned and we had discussions at home. Her felonious behavior stopped and she is Senior in high school going to an Ivy next year (recruited athlete). We now laugh about the incidents and she says shes not sure why she did it except she really wanted those things! It did stress me at the time. I wouldn’t rush off to therapy and go over a cliff, unless there are other behaviors.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 18:56     Subject: My DD has been stealing at school
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would not be okay with backpack searching. Yes your DD was wrong but I would address this with the principal as it’s a violation of privacy.


It wasn't a violation of privacy because the teacher had reasonable suspicion about the child taking the items.


This is a 6 year old, not the criminal justice system. When some kids still need help wiping and opening juice boxes there's no reasonable expectation to privacy.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 18:51     Subject: Re:My DD has been stealing at school
I stole something out of a classmate's desk in 2nd grade. It was an eraser that I really wanted. I felt so guilty that I put it back. I'll never forget that awful feeling. Sometimes kids steal to get what they want but if she didn't feel bad about it, that's what I'd worry more about.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 18:46     Subject: My DD has been stealing at school
It was well planned, intensional and on going. She knew it was wrong and made others sad. She is not a rule follower. There are significant behavior issues.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 18:44     Subject: My DD has been stealing at school
Anonymous wrote:Seems like a compulsion to me. Makes me wonder if something more serious is going on.


+1. I would get her into counseling. My ADHD daughter has stolen things on and off over the years. It started around the age of 5-6. It is part of her impulsivity. If she steals something, she loses all privileges, and has to earn these privileges back through helping me with chores, etc.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 18:42     Subject: My DD has been stealing at school
I am thinking she justified it because she was jealous that others got a reward.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 18:32     Subject: My DD has been stealing at school
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would not be okay with backpack searching. Yes your DD was wrong but I would address this with the principal as it’s a violation of privacy.


This is totally appropriate.



Totally appropriate for this age group. (Besides, teachers need to look in backpacks often for various reasons all the time!)
--- teacher\parent
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 18:21     Subject: My DD has been stealing at school
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here, My DD said today she helped the teacher sort out whose stuff was whose while the class was at specials and the teacher did not tell the students she stole the stuff. She did however have to eat in the principals office at lunch.

OP from this and your previous post, it sounds like your school's response was pretty standard.

FYI at our ES, in the lower grades, items like Pokemon, etc. are regularly banned around this time of year due to disputes over trades, thefts, etc. In other words, what your DD did is not uncommon, but also something to be dealt with. Especially since your DD did it more than once.


Especially with the plotting by OP’s daughter and lack of empathy towards crying classmates
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 18:21     Subject: My DD has been stealing at school
I have a 6 year old (who is an only child) and my jaw is just sitting wide open even on page 4. Something is awry here. IDK what. Is your DD developmentally typical?

The school's reaction is appropriate but you have some observing and thinking to do about why she thought she could do this.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 18:10     Subject: My DD has been stealing at school
Anonymous wrote:OP here, My DD said today she helped the teacher sort out whose stuff was whose while the class was at specials and the teacher did not tell the students she stole the stuff. She did however have to eat in the principals office at lunch.

OP from this and your previous post, it sounds like your school's response was pretty standard.

FYI at our ES, in the lower grades, items like Pokemon, etc. are regularly banned around this time of year due to disputes over trades, thefts, etc. In other words, what your DD did is not uncommon, but also something to be dealt with. Especially since your DD did it more than once.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 18:09     Subject: My DD has been stealing at school
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is she an only child? Theft is a denial of ownership. Most kids learn this early if they have siblings. At home, I would start defining clear property boundaries. Ask for permission to play with her doll, make her ask for permission to play with mama‘s makeup brushes. She needs to understand that she may not touch other people’s things without their consent.


I was an only child and I guarantee you that most only children understand the concept of ownership by the time they start school. If anything, they are probably more particular about it because they haven’t had to share as much. In this case, OPs daughter wssn’t confused about boundaries. If she had been, she would have just grabbed the objectd and been confused when the owner protested. OPs daughter was fully aware she wasn’t supposed to touch things without consent which is why she plotted to do so in secret and why she returned an item when she feared discovery.

Agree 100%
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2021 18:05     Subject: My DD has been stealing at school
Anonymous wrote:An apology not to each child she took something from along with a verbal I'm sorry to each one. She knew she was making her classmates cry and kept doing in. She was not sorry she did it. She is sorry she got caught.

This. OP your child is lacking empathy which is alarming. How is she with small animals/pets? Now is the time as a parent to teach some kindness and compassion before this becomes a bigger issue. Depending on your finances you could assist your kid to get small gifts to donate to local kids organization or pet shelter or even just spend some time volunteering.