Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, I am just going to say it: the Boomers are selfish, narcissistic, terrible grandparents. My kids have four grandparents and two step-grandparents, all Boomers, and all are far too involved in their own lives to establish relationships with my kids. And it is not a "disconnected from little kids" thing. My kids are now tweens/teens and this has been a constant throughout their lives. It's not age related, either. My mom was 57 when my first kid was born and decided to move to a foreign country because "that's where her soul needs to be."

My grandmother was a raging alcoholic who died at 59, and she was a more loving, involved grandparent than either my parents or in laws.

You mean your parents are. We're boomers, early retired, and we are basically a second set of parents to our grandchildren. They adore us, and vice-versa. But with your attitude, I can see why your mother moved away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well all 4 of mine were 60 and newly retired/soon to be retired when we had our kids. And ours will be the only grandchildren on both sides. We're suffocated and constant demands really strain us. They aren't helpful because they want to enjoy their retirement, but on the same time, they want grandchildren to put on a command performance. They want crazy travel with us and the grandchildren. They have time to host massive christmases when DH and I are burnt out and want small christmases. It's just hard. It's like they all have way too much time on their hands.

You are truly awful.

I’m not the Pp but you just don’t get what it’s like when grandparents literally have no life outside of the grandkids and are sad/hurt and guilt you that they can’t just drop by daily whenever they are bored, your schedule be damned.

I'm sorry, I am just going to say it: the Boomers are selfish, narcissistic, terrible grandparents. My kids have four grandparents and two step-grandparents, all Boomers, and all are far too involved in their own lives to establish relationships with my kids. And it is not a "disconnected from little kids" thing. My kids are now tweens/teens and this has been a constant throughout their lives. It's not age related, either. My mom was 57 when my first kid was born and decided to move to a foreign country because "that's where her soul needs to be."

My grandmother was a raging alcoholic who died at 59, and she was a more loving, involved grandparent than either my parents or in laws.

We had kids at 35 and the grandparents are very involved, but they also worked until their early 70s, so they didn't have a ton of free time.

I can see that within my own family OP. We were older when we had kids too. My mom was the oldest of her siblings and had kids when she was younger, so I’m significantly older than some of my cousins. I find that my aunts/uncles of my younger cousins are more in tune with parenting and more tolerant of my active kids, and it’s probably at least in part due to the fact that they are more recently removed from that life stage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well all 4 of mine were 60 and newly retired/soon to be retired when we had our kids. And ours will be the only grandchildren on both sides. We're suffocated and constant demands really strain us. They aren't helpful because they want to enjoy their retirement, but on the same time, they want grandchildren to put on a command performance. They want crazy travel with us and the grandchildren. They have time to host massive christmases when DH and I are burnt out and want small christmases. It's just hard. It's like they all have way too much time on their hands.

You are truly awful.

NP here. Why?

Browsing the "family relationship" threads on DCUM is always so depressing. It really makes me appreciate my own family.

I'm an older mom and with people having children later, I really don't expect to see any grandkids I have. I'm enjoying my kids.

Anonymous wrote:Well all 4 of mine were 60 and newly retired/soon to be retired when we had our kids. And ours will be the only grandchildren on both sides. We're suffocated and constant demands really strain us. They aren't helpful because they want to enjoy their retirement, but on the same time, they want grandchildren to put on a command performance. They want crazy travel with us and the grandchildren. They have time to host massive christmases when DH and I are burnt out and want small christmases. It's just hard. It's like they all have way too much time on their hands.

You are truly awful.

I think the bigger issue is proximity.
Growing up, me and most of my friends lived within 1 town of our grandparents and saw them weekly- they were part of our family.

Many people move farther away from their parents these days.

Grandparents are out of touch no matter what. I know this because my youngest is 5 and I have no idea what it is like to have a baby. I don’t remember when they sit up or start solid food. I don’t know which baby gadgets I used are no longer deemed safe. Honestly, so much of the preschool years are a hazy blur that I do not give advice to parents of babies and toddlers.

My parents and in-laws seem to have a lot of fond memories of when their kids were 6-11 yrs old. Starting when our kids were 2-3, they started advocating for activities that were during nap, lots of walking, late in the evening, etc. and better suited for elementary age kids. Now that my kids are 5 & 7 my parents are in their prime grandparent age. My kids are old enough to handle getting dressed and bathing/ potty. They are also old enough to advocate for their needs so my parents don’t need to remember schedules and feeding instructions.

My inlaws were on the younger side (56 when our first was born) and they are completely out of touch and my husband and I frequently marvel that they raised 3 children who turned out mostly normal.

I'm older -- and yes all this waiting has worn us down

Yes I am worried I will be such a grandparent - out of touch and judgmental or annoy8ng in some other way. I will likely be in my early - mid sixties when my dc start having their own kids so probably in my seventies when GC are able to have much relationship.

I will keep asking my teen to make song play lists for me on Spotify and keep exercising so I have energy to hang out with them.

Maybe staying creative might help a bit. However, I am sure they will have technology that we can only dream of. On the other hand, maybe we can regale them with stories of life preCOVID, pre disastrous climate change and pre hyper-polarized society.

I agree. My parents were 50 and 60 when I had kids, and they were awesome. One vacation in Mexico, they spent all the time with kids who were 5 and 7, kids wanted to swim the whole time and do things, and it was so wonderful taking turns between them and DH and me.
Mom would cook for kids so much when visiting or when we visited them. One summer, my van broke down as I was on the way home and I was worried about kids and eating. Came home to perfectly clean house, meal cooked, kids fed, went for a walk, even got ice cream with grandparents.
Heaven.