Anonymous
11/21/2021 11:21
Subject: Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not rude, but I’d only go to a dinner party without alcohol once.
I feel sorry for you; your social group must be really small. Are you friends with any Mormons? Muslims?
Tons of people don’t drink for a variety of reasons, and tons of people wouldn’t think anything of socializing without alcohol.
NP. No, I’m not friends with any Mormons, because the entire premise of their religion is racist AF. I’m also not down with bigamy, forced marriages, and girls being married off before they are 18 and without their consent.
Pot, meet kettle.
Anonymous
11/21/2021 11:20
Subject: Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not rude, but I’d only go to a dinner party without alcohol once.
I feel sorry for you; your social group must be really small. Are you friends with any Mormons? Muslims?
Tons of people don’t drink for a variety of reasons, and tons of people wouldn’t think anything of socializing without alcohol.
What a very odd comment. NP, but I feel sorry for you. You sound boring and socially awkward, and like you view your friendships as transactional. Sad.
Nope, not at all. Just PP’s post: ‘I will only attend parties where a specific substance is served’ is very small minded, and limits socializing to only people who consume that substance, which is a limited subset of people.
Anonymous
11/21/2021 11:17
Subject: Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not rude, but I’d only go to a dinner party without alcohol once.
I feel sorry for you; your social group must be really small. Are you friends with any Mormons? Muslims?
Tons of people don’t drink for a variety of reasons, and tons of people wouldn’t think anything of socializing without alcohol.
What a very odd comment. NP, but I feel sorry for you. You sound boring and socially awkward, and like you view your friendships as transactional. Sad.
Anonymous
11/21/2021 11:16
Subject: Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not rude, but I’d only go to a dinner party without alcohol once.
I feel sorry for you; your social group must be really small. Are you friends with any Mormons? Muslims?
Tons of people don’t drink for a variety of reasons, and tons of people wouldn’t think anything of socializing without alcohol.
NP. No, I’m not friends with any Mormons, because the entire premise of their religion is racist AF. I’m also not down with bigamy, forced marriages, and girls being married off before they are 18 and without their consent.
Anonymous
11/21/2021 11:00
Subject: Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
Anonymous wrote:Not rude, but I’d only go to a dinner party without alcohol once.
I feel sorry for you; your social group must be really small. Are you friends with any Mormons? Muslims?
Tons of people don’t drink for a variety of reasons, and tons of people wouldn’t think anything of socializing without alcohol.
Anonymous
11/21/2021 10:51
Subject: Re:Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
I would not think it strange generally, and I’m a drinker. In fact, I’d probably appreciate a nice sober dinner party. Not everything needs booze.
That being said, in this situation: you’re hosting heavy drinkers, they think you drink. I think you have to tell them, or they will probably just ask you (‘hey, can I grab a beer from the fridge?’). If you don’t want to make a big deal out of it, just say ‘I’m not drinking right now.’
If you don’t want them to bring anything, tell them ‘I’m not drinking right now and it’s hard to be around other people who are drinking, would you be ok having a booze free night?’ If they’re friends, they’ll probably be totally fine with that.
That being said, in this situation: you’re hosting heavy drinkers, they think you drink. I think you have to tell them, or they will probably just ask you (‘hey, can I grab a beer from the fridge?’). If you don’t want to make a big deal out of it, just say ‘I’m not drinking right now.’
If you don’t want them to bring anything, tell them ‘I’m not drinking right now and it’s hard to be around other people who are drinking, would you be ok having a booze free night?’ If they’re friends, they’ll probably be totally fine with that.
Anonymous
11/21/2021 10:48
Subject: Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
Anonymous wrote:Not rude, but I’d only go to a dinner party without alcohol once.
This. I’d likely only see you at my house or restaurants for dinner going forward.
Anonymous
11/21/2021 10:43
Subject: Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not rude, but I’d only go to a dinner party without alcohol once.
Exactly, I'd never be back. I'm gluten free but I always make sure that if I'm posting a party I will have some gluten options or even better gluten substites for everyone to enjoy. Like I'm used to just putting pate on a cucumber slice, but I know most people prefer some bread, so I'd get some crackers (even gluten free ones to prevent cross contamination) or whatever other sides. It's just common courtesy. Otherwise dont host!
Strongly disagree. People must eat, and have food they can tolerate.
People do not HAVE to have alcohol.
You're extremely stupid to make this comparison.
LOL. No one at most of the parties in the USA are at imminent threat of starving to death, so no... people dont need to eat and they certainly dont need to eat pate or any of the other "luxury" foods that people bring out at parties. People go to parties to cut loose and have fun and have a little cake and some wine or a cosmopolitan, not to sit around glumly and eat food scraps for sustenance.
Anonymous
11/21/2021 10:37
Subject: Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not rude, but I’d only go to a dinner party without alcohol once.
Exactly, I'd never be back. I'm gluten free but I always make sure that if I'm posting a party I will have some gluten options or even better gluten substites for everyone to enjoy. Like I'm used to just putting pate on a cucumber slice, but I know most people prefer some bread, so I'd get some crackers (even gluten free ones to prevent cross contamination) or whatever other sides. It's just common courtesy. Otherwise dont host!
Strongly disagree. People must eat, and have food they can tolerate.
People do not HAVE to have alcohol.
You're extremely stupid to make this comparison.
Anonymous
11/21/2021 10:36
Subject: Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
I rarely serve alcohol at the parties I throw.
Anonymous
11/21/2021 10:35
Subject: Re:Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
It's not rude but you really need to learn to be around alcohol and not drink. Not sure how recently you stopped but eventually you will need to get a handle on that.
Now with regards to no alcohol party, it would not be rude but you should let the guests know in advance and be prepared for some to decline invite b/c of it.
Now with regards to no alcohol party, it would not be rude but you should let the guests know in advance and be prepared for some to decline invite b/c of it.
Anonymous
11/21/2021 10:33
Subject: Re:Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
I don't drink either but I am in a different category than you because all of my friends know I don't drink.
Because this is a new transition for you, I think you need to handle it differently than those of us whose friends and family are aware we don't drink. I would either serve wine and beer OR simply say that it is BYOB.
You have received several suggestions about you giving a reason. I would NOT say that I was trying to be healthier because that implies a negative judgment about the very people you are inviting into your home. If you feel you must give a reason then make it something that doesn't sound like a put-down of your friends and family.
Because this is a new transition for you, I think you need to handle it differently than those of us whose friends and family are aware we don't drink. I would either serve wine and beer OR simply say that it is BYOB.
You have received several suggestions about you giving a reason. I would NOT say that I was trying to be healthier because that implies a negative judgment about the very people you are inviting into your home. If you feel you must give a reason then make it something that doesn't sound like a put-down of your friends and family.
Anonymous
11/21/2021 10:18
Subject: Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I never care if there’s alcohol at an event, but these are your old drinking buddies. I agree that you should tell them in advance. The solution is up to your comfort level, but if they can being and take away, or whether you’re just having a dry dinner is up to you. Be prepared with your responses if people bring it up or dwell on it. Don’t you go on and on about your new sobriety, because they will feel judged, and if a guest goes on and on about it, you shut that down with something like “oh, this is such a boring topic, how about them Jets”? I understand if your fragile right now, so,thinks though what could be a potentially awkward scenario ahead of time is helpful.
Good luck, OP.
+1
I don't think OP has any obligation to serve alcohol, but given this group and their expectations, I think that it's important to let them know in advance.
+1
I have hosted and attended dinner parties without alcohol and don’t think it’s weird at all but given that OP has previously always had it in the past I think it’s worth giving people a head’s up that things have changed.
Good for you for figuring out what you want/need wrt alcohol, OP. I hope you have a good party!
Anonymous
11/21/2021 10:12
Subject: Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’d provide some beer and wine. If they’re getting sitters, they want a night out.
Wow.
It is more like you meant to say. "If they are getting a sitter, they want alcohol" My friend group hardly drinks. If someone was trying to avoid alcohol, everyone would be supportive. If someone shared they were diabetic, I would not serve a chocolate cake for dessert.
Your friend group is irrelevant. OP’s friends are drinkers and she hasn’t shared the fact that she’s not drinking yet, so they can’t be supportive. Her options are to tell them and/or to serve alcohol. It’s stupid to host a *dinner party* and not provide the elements that guests expect. If she doesn’t want to be around alcohol and can’t tell her friends why, then she should make another plan for getting together.
Anonymous
11/21/2021 10:03
Subject: Is it rude to host party and not provide alcohol?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’d provide some beer and wine. If they’re getting sitters, they want a night out.
Wow.
It is more like you meant to say. "If they are getting a sitter, they want alcohol" My friend group hardly drinks. If someone was trying to avoid alcohol, everyone would be supportive. If someone shared they were diabetic, I would not serve a chocolate cake for dessert.
If someone was trying to lose weight, I would have a dinner party without any food.