Anonymous wrote:It’s just the age. Everyone I know went through something similar once they graduated. I think a lot of it is getting smacked hard in the face by reality - you work hard to get this degree, think you’ll be able to find a good job easily, and hundreds of applications later you’re still just waiting tables. And the options are pretty bleak - either go back to school for an advanced degree and hope that helps, do unpaid internships to pad your resume, or just keep sending out applications. Meanwhile your soul dies a little more with every rejection. It’s stressful, and easy to blame parents for everything going wrong.

I’d be empathetic, listen, and do what you can to support her emotionally. Maybe you could share stories from when you were her age and how difficult it was for you. Not in a “see, I had it hard too, suck it up!” way, but more of a “I understand because I also faced challenges XYZ. Would you like to know more about how I handled it?”

Anonymous wrote:She thought she was going to get a sexy high paying job in an art museum at age 22?

She sounds either stupid or delusional

Anonymous wrote:Young adult child (22) one year out of college. Just started first job. She is bitter and resents her family and me BC she said we didn't support her childhood artistic pursuits. Growing up she loved music and we paid for many years of private lessons at our house. In summer I would send her to various camps like art studio, pottery etc. Bought musical instruments and art supplies, easel, paints etc.. She mulled over going to art school for painting, but she never liked painting much at the time and was more into pottery.. I do acknowledge that I did discourage her from art school unless she was interested in teaching eiher high school or uni level. She wasn't interested. She went to a 4 year school and chose her own major (marketing). For the past 6 months she's been in counseling. I thought it was helpful, she wanted to go. But they dredge up everything and she routinely brings up the wrongs of her childhood. Her therapist seems to be feeding into this victim mindset. Apparently I was a terrible mother who emotionally abused her BC I was neglectful by not asking her more about feelings. I was always more of a black and white what's the problem let's see what a fix could be. Apparently I'm not gray in my mindset and did her a disservice. She said she was born into the wrong family and will cut ties as soon as she moves out. I told her how much I love her and that I made mistakes but did my best, and never intended to emotionally neglect her. I told her that act one is done and she can take charge of her own life and mold it into what she wants, but she said it's too late and Ive ruined her with generational trauma and all this other psych babble. And no, although her childhood wasn't perfect there was no divorce, her dad and I get along, they had privileged upbringing and I worked part time for many many years so I could be there as a mother. She has mentioned that she doesn't like the idea of working for the evil capitalist model and wants to live on the beach and paint art all day. She says boomers and Gen X had it easy and now the world is going to hell and she's not cut out for this world. She's always been sensitive and more emotional than her sibling. She is creative. Sorry for the dump. Thoughts? Im shocked but trying to be understanding since this is her feeling. I just think the therapy is worsening it. The interesting thing is she worked through college and after, and her colleagues always like her. She is a hard worker. I'm just baffled.

Anonymous wrote:It’s just the age. Everyone I know went through something similar once they graduated. I think a lot of it is getting smacked hard in the face by reality - you work hard to get this degree, think you’ll be able to find a good job easily, and hundreds of applications later you’re still just waiting tables. And the options are pretty bleak - either go back to school for an advanced degree and hope that helps, do unpaid internships to pad your resume, or just keep sending out applications. Meanwhile your soul dies a little more with every rejection. It’s stressful, and easy to blame parents for everything going wrong.

I’d be empathetic, listen, and do what you can to support her emotionally. Maybe you could share stories from when you were her age and how difficult it was for you. Not in a “see, I had it hard too, suck it up!” way, but more of a “I understand because I also faced challenges XYZ. Would you like to know more about how I handled it?”

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Seems like she should start working on her art in her spare time and put that marketing degree to use for herself and learn how to market her art so it sells.


I'm sure in some ways she is being dramatic and selfish, but there are 2 sides to every story.

Agreed. I did suggest that her marketing background could be a benefit to launching her website. She started to work on it but lost interest. There are always two sides, agreed. That's why I don't want to diminish her feelings BC those are valid. But it is painful when you're told you failed as a mother. She on my took this current job BC we started pressuring her to apply for more jobs as we were coming up to a year since graduation and I am tiring if the extended adolescence. She turned down three jobs prior to accepting this one.

I just don't like this victim mentality her therapist seems to feed into.

Your daughter seems to be delusional and possible at onset of mental illness, her therapist playing hardball with her the way you want her too would not get you the results you think it would.

Creativity is not a mental illness per se, although creative people may be more prone to mental illness.

Not sure being hard line/ black and white approach will help much here. As the way more mature grown up, OP needs to help heal the relationship for both of their sakes.

Life will knock a lot of the nonsense out of her. It is good if parents can be a safe place to call home while setting realistic boundaries, which OP is already doing.

Her creativity isn't the mental illness part, The part where where she thinks she's going to make thousands with what is likely marginal and cliche talent with very little work and research, life will be better in europe, the nwo is coming beliefs, her refusal to work eyc . rtx, many severe mental illnesses start around her age

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I do not encourage therapy for this reason - most people who go are not mature enough (regardless of age) to understand that delving into their parents' choices doesn't mean accusing them. Most therapists are not intelligent or skilled enough to make that distinction. So a common consequence of therapy, particularly for the young, is that they come back and say it's all their parents' fault.

In addition, teens and young adults often struggle with accepting that they are their own people who can shape their own lives from now on. It's really tempting to place all blame on parents. I did that, and never went near therapy! It took me many years to accept that my parents were extremely limited in their outlook and just could not have reacted differently than they did, and that it was unfair for me to judge them and their era based on what parenting is today.


So... give her space, and remember that she doesn't have to be factually right to have real feelings about it. Hopefully she'll mature soon.