My daughter is 7.5 years old- she hadn't asked about sex, and I haven't brought it up. But I have made it a point to introduce her to knowing about female fertility. So that when the topic of sex comes up, we can connect the two. I would like her to be sexually conservative. Hoping that knowing what sex can do to the female body helps her treat the act with respect and caution.

Two years ago when she was 5.5 years old, she skipped school to help me through baby brother's home birth. She poured hot water on my stomach. Throughout the birth, I made it a point to keep it together so not to scare her, we talked calmly between contractions.

It has taken her about two years to process this experience. For a while, she said that she would never get married so avoid pregnancy. She talked with her feminine, childless by choice aunt about that she can be a girl and not have babies unless she chooses to. That fear has passed, and she now points out whimsical names that she would pick if/when she has a baby.

We have talked about that we are mammals, that our bodies are designed for making and birthing babies, that the body knows how to birth and although it's hard work, the process gives breaks and doesn't aim to hurt us.

We garden and she knows that babies start out as seeds, that the female body is like the soil where the seed grows. The only thing she hasn't asked about is how the seed gets there. I am really looking forward to talking with her honestly when the time comes. But waiting for her to bring it up, or at least for the conversation to naturally turn to the subject.

But all of the above is with the hope that she will grow up respecting sex as she may respect fire. I am very concerned about hookup culture and aiming to raise her thinking that sex is normal but serious and should be reserved for close relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess my biggest worry is her visualizing her dad and I having intercourse. It feels embarrassing to me but will she be embarrassed, I don't know. Maybe I'm not giving her enough credit. Is that stupid?
-OP

My experience is that there is a window in which kids are curious, receptive, and take the information in stride, and then a time period later where it is intensely embarrassing to them. It's better to tell them during the first window, but if you miss that window, you just have to muddle through anyway. It's OK if you feel embarrassed, you can say it's private and can be embarrassing to talk about, but you want her to know you and she can talk about things, however embarrassing or awkward they are.

It's also kind of life, you know? It's not a big secret to anyone that you and her dad have had intercourse.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, not all sex is hetero straight sex, so something to keep in mind as you’re thinking through how to have these conversations.

True but at age 5 I'm not explaining sex as sexuality but rather a biological function to procreate.

Exactly. At this age, they just want to know how babies are made, and yes, there are more ways to make a baby than physical sex, but for now, the basics are fine.

We did p in v and ivf explanations bc that's how my little ones were made and they wanted to know ha ha ha

Ha, it's okay, my 8 year old was traumatized when I explained to her that although she and her sister came out of my body via surgery, most babies come out through a woman's vagina.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, not all sex is hetero straight sex, so something to keep in mind as you’re thinking through how to have these conversations.

True but at age 5 I'm not explaining sex as sexuality but rather a biological function to procreate.

Exactly. At this age, they just want to know how babies are made, and yes, there are more ways to make a baby than physical sex, but for now, the basics are fine.

We did p in v and ivf explanations bc that's how my little ones were made and they wanted to know ha ha ha

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I can't remember specifically but she is 10 and it was years ago. Probably 6?

you explained a penis goes into a vagina to make a baby when she was 6???!!!

NP, and I think my DD was 4. We didn't get into more detail than that, but I don't see the big deal. She was young enough for it to seem very matter of fact-- I think the longer people wait, the more awkward it is for everyone involved, because there are more preconceived notions and judgments. That simple PIV fact isn't about sexual pleasure, morality, "perversion" or anything else. And it's directly about procreating. Oh, well.

8-10 for them to truly understand

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, not all sex is hetero straight sex, so something to keep in mind as you’re thinking through how to have these conversations.

True but at age 5 I'm not explaining sex as sexuality but rather a biological function to procreate.

Exactly. At this age, they just want to know how babies are made, and yes, there are more ways to make a baby than physical sex, but for now, the basics are fine.

7

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I can't remember specifically but she is 10 and it was years ago. Probably 6?

you explained a penis goes into a vagina to make a baby when she was 6???!!!

That's about the time when kids start talking about it on the playground. If your 8 year old or older "isn't asking questions" yet it's not that they aren't curious, they already know and they already know you think it's shameful.

So, the question is do you want your 8 year old learning about this from you, so you can spread your values? If so 5 or 6 is good, unless they ask earlier.

Anonymous wrote:Also, not all sex is hetero straight sex, so something to keep in mind as you’re thinking through how to have these conversations.

True but at age 5 I'm not explaining sex as sexuality but rather a biological function to procreate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. I can't remember specifically but she is 10 and it was years ago. Probably 6?

you explained a penis goes into a vagina to make a baby when she was 6???!!!

DP. I did. She asked how babies were made and I explained it. Why wouldn't you? There is nothing more than biology at work. She was revolted and has not asked about it since haha.

Also, not all sex is hetero straight sex, so something to keep in mind as you’re thinking through how to have these conversations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people arguing that kids are having sex or watching porn by middle school so you should tell your 5 year old everything anyway, are kind of missing the entire point in my mind.

I don't want my middle schooler having sex or watching porn. That to me should not be normal. I understand that explaining biology doesn't lead to promiscuity, and I also understand the grave need to explain body parts to prevent abuse. But, your young kids do not need to know about P going in to V and they certainly don't need to know that it's pleasurable.

Tell your kids when they ask you, and answer their actual questions. My 6 year old has never asked. When he does I'll answer his questions. If he doesn't ask until he's 10, that's OK.

They absolutely should know that finding pleasure in their sexual body parts is normal, so when they feel like masturbating they don’t think they are freaks! You can explain that sex feels good and also explain that children have no business having sex.

I agree. Late one night (early one morning) this summer, I went to turn on a fan in DS room and caught him with his hands down his pants. I ignored it but wondered what to do. Serendipitously the very next morning, a podcast I was listening to mentioned masturbating and DH asked me what that meant (I am sure he had an idea.) I explained it and I’m telling you, he looked so relieved. I wish we would have just organically discussed it at an earlier time.

Wait, what?

I think she meant DS. I hope lol

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people arguing that kids are having sex or watching porn by middle school so you should tell your 5 year old everything anyway, are kind of missing the entire point in my mind.

I don't want my middle schooler having sex or watching porn. That to me should not be normal. I understand that explaining biology doesn't lead to promiscuity, and I also understand the grave need to explain body parts to prevent abuse. But, your young kids do not need to know about P going in to V and they certainly don't need to know that it's pleasurable.

Tell your kids when they ask you, and answer their actual questions. My 6 year old has never asked. When he does I'll answer his questions. If he doesn't ask until he's 10, that's OK.

They absolutely should know that finding pleasure in their sexual body parts is normal, so when they feel like masturbating they don’t think they are freaks! You can explain that sex feels good and also explain that children have no business having sex.

I agree. Late one night (early one morning) this summer, I went to turn on a fan in DS room and caught him with his hands down his pants. I ignored it but wondered what to do. Serendipitously the very next morning, a podcast I was listening to mentioned masturbating and DH asked me what that meant (I am sure he had an idea.) I explained it and I’m telling you, he looked so relieved. I wish we would have just organically discussed it at an earlier time.

Wait, what?

I was 10 and it was honestly too late and a bit weird. Don't let the kids on the bus or playground scoop you! You want them to hear the true accurate version first. I would say 8 or 9 for a simple age-appropriate version, with open Q&A. Also please explain in detail. I had no idea about orgasms or any kind of movement, just that the P went in the V. I pictured it like "Mormon soaking." Lol