Anonymous wrote:You are divorced. You cannot expect to have the same lifestyle that you once had on two incomes vs. one.

+1. Nobody can tell you what is a "fair" amount and you have to fund two households out of your salaries. You weren't DC rich before the divorce, you are even further from it now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on the info you gave here, the va calculator says you should get $1,100

For 2 kids, if parent 2 has 7% time at the incomes provided, spouse 1 should get $2300/month.

Add a second child to the calculator. It’s not 1 kid, it changes with each additional child.

It only goes down a tiny bit if the other parent goes up to 21% time.

https://calculators.law/calculators/child-support/virginia

That calculator is labeled California. It's missing the cost of medical insurance and aftercare. I put my info in and it gave much more than I receive. So I don't think it's accurate.

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Anonymous wrote:$1300/month sounds high given what I know about how paltry child support calculations are. My ex makes $5000K, I make $150K, and he pays $2K/month.

You make a really good income. So, do you spend $2500-3K on your child each month? Doubtful. You get a very good amount that should cover all expenses.

It costs at least $1000/month in rent alone for a second bedroom. It’s $500/month minimum on food. It’s more than $500/month on activities. This does not include clothing, medical care, social life, birthday or holiday gifts or parties, education, educational enrichment, camp, childcare/sitters, transportation, school supplies or fundraisers, utilities, travel, or anything else and he is not even a teenager yet. Hell I known people who spend $10K a year per child on sports alone. Seriously when someone makes $500K per year and has no child-related overhead and the other parent has 100% custody, why would you think that person should only spend $24K/year on said kid.

So, basically, you want a premium lifestyle. He is not obligated to provide them.

$500 a month on activities? GTFOH.

Why shouldn’t the kid have a premium lifestyle if their father is earning a premium salary and has no other obligations or dependents?

Because they are living with the mother
Because a parent is not your personal servant and once the child has grown up, the obligation ends

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$1300/month sounds high given what I know about how paltry child support calculations are. My ex makes $5000K, I make $150K, and he pays $2K/month.

You make a really good income. So, do you spend $2500-3K on your child each month? Doubtful. You get a very good amount that should cover all expenses.

It costs at least $1000/month in rent alone for a second bedroom. It’s $500/month minimum on food. It’s more than $500/month on activities. This does not include clothing, medical care, social life, birthday or holiday gifts or parties, education, educational enrichment, camp, childcare/sitters, transportation, school supplies or fundraisers, utilities, travel, or anything else and he is not even a teenager yet. Hell I known people who spend $10K a year per child on sports alone. Seriously when someone makes $500K per year and has no child-related overhead and the other parent has 100% custody, why would you think that person should only spend $24K/year on said kid.

So, basically, you want a premium lifestyle. He is not obligated to provide them.

$500 a month on activities? GTFOH.

Why shouldn’t the kid have a premium lifestyle if their father is earning a premium salary and has no other obligations or dependents?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$1300/month sounds high given what I know about how paltry child support calculations are. My ex makes $5000K, I make $150K, and he pays $2K/month.

You make a really good income. So, do you spend $2500-3K on your child each month? Doubtful. You get a very good amount that should cover all expenses.

It costs at least $1000/month in rent alone for a second bedroom. It’s $500/month minimum on food. It’s more than $500/month on activities. This does not include clothing, medical care, social life, birthday or holiday gifts or parties, education, educational enrichment, camp, childcare/sitters, transportation, school supplies or fundraisers, utilities, travel, or anything else and he is not even a teenager yet. Hell I known people who spend $10K a year per child on sports alone. Seriously when someone makes $500K per year and has no child-related overhead and the other parent has 100% custody, why would you think that person should only spend $24K/year on said kid.

So, basically, you want a premium lifestyle. He is not obligated to provide them.

$500 a month on activities? GTFOH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP be glad you hardly see the guy. Enjoy your kids and forget about Mr. deployed.

It's more ideal when they aren't around to cause problems for you and the kids. Don't quibble over peanuts, and live well.

OP here, and thank you for this. It is the truth. Best advice here.
I just wish being the primary parent wasn’t leading me into premature aging and less-than-ideal financial situation.

Your welcome. I was in the same situation, it was more stress free him being out of the picture. I remarried and things do change...hang in there!

Anonymous wrote:OP be glad you hardly see the guy. Enjoy your kids and forget about Mr. deployed.

It's more ideal when they aren't around to cause problems for you and the kids. Don't quibble over peanuts, and live well.

OP here, and thank you for this. It is the truth. Best advice here.
I just wish being the primary parent wasn’t leading me into premature aging and less-than-ideal financial situation.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on the info you gave here, the va calculator says you should get $1,100

Already knew the calculator gives a pittance.
I’m not wondering what is legally mandated, I’m wondering what is fair.
X wants kids to live in a nice place, play sports, eat good food (and teens eat a lot!!) and thinks those things happen by magic.
If I picked what I would consider to be an affordable neighborhood, X would accuse me of placing the kids in danger.
I do wonder if a certain poster is familiar at all with housing costs in DC area.
It is not as if a 3 bedroom apartment or house is something every person would just easily have, unlike in rural areas where a house can be rented for 1k or less.

Whoever told you life was fair failed you.

The calculator tells you what you get. Period.

Eh get a lawyer and go back to court. Calculators are just a guideline.

NP and that's generally not correct. They are the presumptively correct amount which, as a practical matter, means you need to introduce evidence of extraordinary circumstances to warrant a deviation (i.e. special needs child).

Exactly.

She's posted here before. It all sounds fake but she can file and see the correct amount. Problem solved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$1300/month sounds high given what I know about how paltry child support calculations are. My ex makes $5000K, I make $150K, and he pays $2K/month.

You make a really good income. So, do you spend $2500-3K on your child each month? Doubtful. You get a very good amount that should cover all expenses.

It costs at least $1000/month in rent alone for a second bedroom. It’s $500/month minimum on food. It’s more than $500/month on activities. This does not include clothing, medical care, social life, birthday or holiday gifts or parties, education, educational enrichment, camp, childcare/sitters, transportation, school supplies or fundraisers, utilities, travel, or anything else and he is not even a teenager yet. Hell I known people who spend $10K a year per child on sports alone. Seriously when someone makes $500K per year and has no child-related overhead and the other parent has 100% custody, why would you think that person should only spend $24K/year on said kid.

It generally does not cost $1K more for a bedroom. And, $500 a month on food and another for activities. We have one of our kids in multiple expensive activities and private lessons and its still under $500 a month, and if we couldn't afford it we'd stop them. What you CAN spend and what you have and do spend are two different things. OP also has an obligation to use her income on her kids. OP can file for child support via an attorney or the child support office. They may increase it, they may keep it the same or they may decrease it. However, he is paying the much plus extras.

If you income supports Aldi's but you want Whole Foods, then you need to figure it out or go to Aldi's. If you want an expensive camp and cannot afford it, you find a cheaper options. Travel, fundraisers, social life, expensive gifts, educational enrichment, are all luxuries, not necessities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on the info you gave here, the va calculator says you should get $1,100

Already knew the calculator gives a pittance.
I’m not wondering what is legally mandated, I’m wondering what is fair.
X wants kids to live in a nice place, play sports, eat good food (and teens eat a lot!!) and thinks those things happen by magic.
If I picked what I would consider to be an affordable neighborhood, X would accuse me of placing the kids in danger.
I do wonder if a certain poster is familiar at all with housing costs in DC area.
It is not as if a 3 bedroom apartment or house is something every person would just easily have, unlike in rural areas where a house can be rented for 1k or less.

Whoever told you life was fair failed you.

The calculator tells you what you get. Period.

Eh get a lawyer and go back to court. Calculators are just a guideline.

NP and that's generally not correct. They are the presumptively correct amount which, as a practical matter, means you need to introduce evidence of extraordinary circumstances to warrant a deviation (i.e. special needs child).

Exactly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$1300/month sounds high given what I know about how paltry child support calculations are. My ex makes $5000K, I make $150K, and he pays $2K/month.

You make a really good income. So, do you spend $2500-3K on your child each month? Doubtful. You get a very good amount that should cover all expenses.

It costs at least $1000/month in rent alone for a second bedroom. It’s $500/month minimum on food. It’s more than $500/month on activities. This does not include clothing, medical care, social life, birthday or holiday gifts or parties, education, educational enrichment, camp, childcare/sitters, transportation, school supplies or fundraisers, utilities, travel, or anything else and he is not even a teenager yet. Hell I known people who spend $10K a year per child on sports alone. Seriously when someone makes $500K per year and has no child-related overhead and the other parent has 100% custody, why would you think that person should only spend $24K/year on said kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is this poster who sees that the OP is “refusing” to let the kids visit other parent? Is this a thing, to have kids on base in Iraq?

The likelihood of this person being real is slim. There is a regular poster who constantly posts about Dad being in another country. There are very few military in Iraq right now and if they were, they'd be on tricare, which means health care is free on base and minimal co-pays off base so the only extra would be braces. And, then OP cannot complain about time share if Dad is deployed to another country as its not relevant as he cannot have the kids. And, if he is active duty, they may not count the housing and other allowances in his annual pay.

However, if the OP doesn't like what she is getting, she can always file for FREE at the child support office and they will do the numbers and take it to court for her. Problem solved.

Dad could also work for State Department or any number of other agencies that are present there.

Kids are 10 and 14.
You are no longer paying for day care
You should be ok. In a few years the older one can get a job. Everyone cannot be rich

Anonymous wrote:Who is this poster who sees that the OP is “refusing” to let the kids visit other parent? Is this a thing, to have kids on base in Iraq?

The likelihood of this person being real is slim. There is a regular poster who constantly posts about Dad being in another country. There are very few military in Iraq right now and if they were, they'd be on tricare, which means health care is free on base and minimal co-pays off base so the only extra would be braces. And, then OP cannot complain about time share if Dad is deployed to another country as its not relevant as he cannot have the kids. And, if he is active duty, they may not count the housing and other allowances in his annual pay.

However, if the OP doesn't like what she is getting, she can always file for FREE at the child support office and they will do the numbers and take it to court for her. Problem solved.

OP be glad you hardly see the guy. Enjoy your kids and forget about Mr. deployed.

It's more ideal when they aren't around to cause problems for you and the kids. Don't quibble over peanuts, and live well.