Anonymous wrote:Wife dying

Anonymous wrote:I have lived through many traumas, including the death my father and two siblings and two miscarriages. But by far the most affecting over the long haul is having been raised by an abusive mother. The pain just keeps resurfacing over and over in so many ways. When I see a movie or read a book that in some way depicts the cruelty I went through, it just makes me sob.

Anonymous wrote:Death of a child. But for me not finding out about the death, not the funeral, not the burial, but the first day back to work. Probably 7 months later. Just putting in my pantyhose and realizing my life, and the rest of the world, has to resume. I just know there would be a before and an after and the two worlds would never mesh. That feeling, was very peculiarly earth shattering. Just driving in my car, taking that same commute I always took, knowing that I was going to half to fake it for the rest of my life and pretend I’m in this before world still.

Anonymous wrote:Death of a child. But for me not finding out about the death, not the funeral, not the burial, but the first day back to work. Probably 7 months later. Just putting in my pantyhose and realizing my life, and the rest of the world, has to resume. I just know there would be a before and an after and the two worlds would never mesh. That feeling, was very peculiarly earth shattering. Just driving in my car, taking that same commute I always took, knowing that I was going to half to fake it for the rest of my life and pretend I’m in this before world still.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dealing with my mentally ill son who refuses help and is spiraling downward every day. He lives in my house and every day I worry this is the day he will take his own life. He blames me for things that are not my fault. I have spent hours, days, weeks, months and years trying to help him.....Along with over $120,000 in treatment. I am exhausted and drowning in personal pain watching someone I love so much hurt. I can live with him blaming me if it means he will live a pain-free life, but I know he won't. He will need to hit rock bottom to realize he needs to learn how to live in the world he is in, not the world he wants....

I am the PP who feels like it’s a tie between my brothers death and my sons first suicide attempt. I know your pain. Tuesday is the four year anniversary of the first hospitalization. I can’t tell you how often my entire body screams with pain and my chest feels like it’s on fire. I know what it feels like to spend the mortgage money on treatment because you have to make a choice and you have to choose your child over your credit rating. I’m terrified of rock bottom - which I thought we hit so many times only to learn it can get worse- because on the way up, when energy returns and the realization of how bad it can be intersect is a very dangerous time.

I wish you peace and your son healing.

Anonymous wrote:It was a weird and specific incident. Basically a former friend and mentor said some unspeakably cruel thing to me at a moment when I was already in a very low place mentally. I don’t think realized how close to the edge of something dangerous I was until this happened. It was t just about this incident— I was dealing with some childhood trauma resurfacing, and a hormone change that was causing depression, and then this person who’d been an important mentor figure to me talked to me in this extremely critical, harsh way, and it pushed me over the edge.

The subsequent year were the most emotionally tumultuous of my life. I started self harming and having regular thoughts about suicide. I woke up every morning feeling like I had no value to other adults. Literally the thing that saved me was that I had young children, and they gave me purpose, a reason to live, and a reminder that I had value to someone. It was also scary though, recognizing how much they needed me even when I was in that place.

Digging myself out of that is the most important thing I’ve ever done. Please be kind to people. Even if you don’t like someone or are angry with them. Remember that you don’t know where they might be. You don’t have to pile on or twist the knife. You don’t have to take out your issues on someone else. No one deserves to feel completely worthless. No one.

Anonymous wrote:

My BFF dying 2 years back. I will never be loved and accepted again in the way she accepted me. She was my soul.