I cheat because I crave intimacy. I will never tell her and I am happy to stay married with her as long as I can fulfill my sexual wants and needs once a month or so.

I know several people who have cheated but none that have divorced over it. At some point, divorce becomes more trouble than it's worth. Why do I have to forfeit my financial security and lose access to my kids and my home because my spouse acted on a totally normal urge?

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Anonymous wrote:There are a lot, a lot, of long marriages that have gone through it and nobody outside the marriage or even their kids know. Some of those happy marriages you envy, the loving couples you see- have been rocked by it at one point. You would be absolutely shocked.

Yep, this exactly. I know three couples where there was cheating involved and all are still married. I know no one who divorced from cheating but I am sure it happens.

What kind of cheating are we talking about here? ONS, flings or long term affairs?

Not PP but I know if very long affairs (years).

Very long affairs where the cheater(s) stayed married?

Yes. I know of two. Yes, they were caught. Yes, the stayed married. Yes, the affair did not stop.

Man broke it off, rather brutally. He’s still married. She’s not. She had the feels. He did not.

Is that what DH told you?

No. She did. She’s a friend. He said some really horrible things.

Like what? It can’t be worse than things she has already said to herself if they broke up.

About her looks, about her worth, about her personality, she’s a whore, how much better his wife was in every way, how much he regretted ever meeting her, she’s a loser, a psycho, etc. It was pretty much was made clear it was finito. Yes- I know she felt that way before having the affair. Low self-esteem. She had to go back to the marriage like nothing happened even at a lower point then before. She thought they would run off together.

I had a hard time not saying “I told you so.” I never approved of her infidelities and had put a lot of distance between us because I don’t approve of cheating.

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Anonymous wrote:There are a lot, a lot, of long marriages that have gone through it and nobody outside the marriage or even their kids know. Some of those happy marriages you envy, the loving couples you see- have been rocked by it at one point. You would be absolutely shocked.

Yep, this exactly. I know three couples where there was cheating involved and all are still married. I know no one who divorced from cheating but I am sure it happens.

What kind of cheating are we talking about here? ONS, flings or long term affairs?

Not PP but I know if very long affairs (years).

Very long affairs where the cheater(s) stayed married?

Yes. I know of two. Yes, they were caught. Yes, the stayed married. Yes, the affair did not stop.

Man broke it off, rather brutally. He’s still married. She’s not. She had the feels. He did not.

Is that what DH told you?

No. She did. She’s a friend. He said some really horrible things.

Like what? It can’t be worse than things she has already said to herself if they broke up.

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Anonymous wrote:More often than folk would like to admit. People don't want to easily give up social status, homes, splitting time with children. Divorce is a huge life disruption.

^^^ this is the lie OW tell themselves when they can’t face the fact their AP loves his wife.

To be fair, it’s the lie the cheater tells OW for the reason he can’t leave and to placate her to keep the sex coming. Over time as she sees him having a good time with wife and kids on social media she will catch on. Wife is pregnant, etc.