Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:39
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:First time: “Hey, you forgot to move the bag and animals got into the trash. I cleaned it up, but please remember next time.”
Next time it looks like he’s going to forget: “Hey, you forgot last time and I had to clean it up and it was disgusting. Can you please do it now?”
Second time you have to clean up: “Larlo, you forgot to take the trash to the bin again, it’s not fair to make me clean up that horrible mess.”
Honestly I’d leave the mess for him to clean up unless it’s actively dangerous (like chicken bones and you have a dog). If you have to do it, you say “Larlo, you keep forgetting and the animals make a huge mess that I have to clean up so the dogs don’t get hurt. I’m really frustrated. Something needs to happen differently.”
NP - I get this approach except the trash will attract rats and vermin and it's completely unsanitary. Plus what if they have guests??? Trash all over the deck is one of those things that needs to be cleaned up ASAP. Her husband sucks.
So why can't OP take over the garbage disposal job and trade a chore she hates with her husband. He does not want to do this chore and it's turned into stupid work for both of them. How freaking hard is it for OP to take thie one over - and give her husband the chore of loading the dishwasher or whatever.
I would guess he's probably as good at the other chores as he is at taking out the trash. It's likely a problem with everything. OP -- Does he do other chores and complete them?
Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:39
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Another vote for putting a trash can with lid on your porch.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:39
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Terrible.
Very immature and kind of crazy. I don't think you should tell anybody in real life that you did this, OP.
Very immature and kind of crazy. I don't think you should tell anybody in real life that you did this, OP.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:39
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My husband leaves his stuff around the house. Everywhere. I warn him that if he doesn't pick up after himself, I will throw his stuff in the trash.
And I do it. And he's adapted and doesn't leave his hats, shoes, underwear all over the house any longer because he wants to keep his stuff.
Another nutter.
I don't understand anyone in relationships like this.
But you also told him up front that you were a) not okay living in a cluttered home and b) not willing to shoulder the burden of cleaning up his clutter indefinitely so c) you would throw his stuff out. You actually used your words, then followed through with actions. That gave him an opening to say, “I think you are being controlling. I LIKE having all my stuff out.” Or “What if we hire a housekeeper and I agree to tidy once a week before she comes?” Or anything else. Instead he agreed with your premise that he was messy and it’s not your job to clean up and tried to do better and the built-in consequences helped. This is actual communication, not nagging followed by retaliation.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:37
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:First time: “Hey, you forgot to move the bag and animals got into the trash. I cleaned it up, but please remember next time.”
Next time it looks like he’s going to forget: “Hey, you forgot last time and I had to clean it up and it was disgusting. Can you please do it now?”
Second time you have to clean up: “Larlo, you forgot to take the trash to the bin again, it’s not fair to make me clean up that horrible mess.”
Honestly I’d leave the mess for him to clean up unless it’s actively dangerous (like chicken bones and you have a dog). If you have to do it, you say “Larlo, you keep forgetting and the animals make a huge mess that I have to clean up so the dogs don’t get hurt. I’m really frustrated. Something needs to happen differently.”
NP - I get this approach except the trash will attract rats and vermin and it's completely unsanitary. Plus what if they have guests??? Trash all over the deck is one of those things that needs to be cleaned up ASAP. Her husband sucks.
So why can't OP take over the garbage disposal job and trade a chore she hates with her husband. He does not want to do this chore and it's turned into stupid work for both of them. How freaking hard is it for OP to take thie one over - and give her husband the chore of loading the dishwasher or whatever.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:37
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Really surprised to see the responses. Are you just supposed to clean up after him like he is a child?
1) Passive: Clean up the mess without saying anything
2) Aggressive: Scream at husband
3) Passive-agressive: Clean it for him but destroy his possession in the process.
4) Assertive: Leave it for him to clean. If he asks you to clean it or complains, calmly explain that you reminded him this was a possible outcome of his choice, and it is his responsibility to deal with the outcome.
You are implying that her choice is between 1 and 3, but the mature response is 4
+1. And honesty I'd argue that some version of 2 is a substantially better way to go than 3. My husband and I rarely fight or argue and we even more rarely raise our voices, so if I do snap and yell about something, he hops to attention with lightening speed. Sometimes you do need to SHOW that something is really making you upset (in a non abusive way).
Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:36
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
I absolutely would not do that. That is just mean. Plus, a fleece jacket was probably the worst thing you could have used to pick stuff up. No absorbancy.
And I've done some things: Like putting (tossing) shoes outside on the porch if they don't get picked up, like bringing dirty dishes that weren't put into the dishwasher up and into a child's bed (but carefully so no grease, no crumbs!) like turning my husband's ripped shirts that he won't mend into rags.
That was just mean, OP. Your DH sounds lazy, and kind of like a jerk, too. But it sounds as if you guys are really feeding off each other. You can't live like this.
And I've done some things: Like putting (tossing) shoes outside on the porch if they don't get picked up, like bringing dirty dishes that weren't put into the dishwasher up and into a child's bed (but carefully so no grease, no crumbs!) like turning my husband's ripped shirts that he won't mend into rags.
That was just mean, OP. Your DH sounds lazy, and kind of like a jerk, too. But it sounds as if you guys are really feeding off each other. You can't live like this.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:35
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
You're like the kind of person who's kid doesn't brush their hair so you chop it all off and post a video of them sobbing on youtube.
Maybe something happens to you that is wrong, but your response is so cartoonishly bad that you immediately forfeit the moral high ground to become, yes, terrible.
Maybe something happens to you that is wrong, but your response is so cartoonishly bad that you immediately forfeit the moral high ground to become, yes, terrible.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:33
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:Really surprised to see the responses. Are you just supposed to clean up after him like he is a child?
1) Passive: Clean up the mess without saying anything
2) Aggressive: Scream at husband
3) Passive-agressive: Clean it for him but destroy his possession in the process.
4) Assertive: Leave it for him to clean. If he asks you to clean it or complains, calmly explain that you reminded him this was a possible outcome of his choice, and it is his responsibility to deal with the outcome.
You are implying that her choice is between 1 and 3, but the mature response is 4
Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:30
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Leave the trash and engage in a waiting game for him to do something he has proven over and over that he won't? All while the trash disintegrates into harder to pick up pieces? And attracts more animals?
Hell no. Keep going through his favorite things until it danwns on him that you will destroy all his things if he doesnt start respecting you.
Hell no. Keep going through his favorite things until it danwns on him that you will destroy all his things if he doesnt start respecting you.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:29
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
I’d leave the mess for him to clean up.
If he doesn’t clean it up after a couple days, then it’s all fair game. Wipe it up with his jacket, dump it all in his car, throw it in his clothes drawers, whatever.
If he doesn’t clean it up after a couple days, then it’s all fair game. Wipe it up with his jacket, dump it all in his car, throw it in his clothes drawers, whatever.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:29
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:Why not just make taking out trash your thing and ask DH to unload dishwasher for example (or any such household chore) instead?
There's ways to de-escalate situations and choose battles Op.
This. You seem to care more than him, so why don't you take care of it?
Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:28
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Passive aggressive AF. Why don't you just put the CAN on the back porch?
Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:28
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Why not just make taking out trash your thing and ask DH to unload dishwasher for example (or any such household chore) instead?
There's ways to de-escalate situations and choose battles Op.
There's ways to de-escalate situations and choose battles Op.
Anonymous
10/29/2021 16:27
Subject: Am I Awesome or Terrible?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Woah. Terrible. I’d leave the mess for him to take care of but what you did is insane.
+1. You’re terrible. And immature.
+1. Don’t do that to someone’s belongings, even if they pissed you off. OP - Do you even remotely like your husband? Because it doesn’t sound like it.
I would leave the mess for him to clean up, even if it meant it sat there for the day.