Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think there’s any job you can just automatically find any time and I respect that my admins have careers (I’m a lawyer so I mean my paralegals and legal assistants).

+1 admins have careers too, even if it's not up to your standards.

FWIW, my cousin was a lowly admin when she had her babies. She kept working even though it probably didn't bring in much more than childcare. Now she's the head of HR for a large company.

It’s not that kind of admin job. Think “front desk at a fitness studio” not an office admin or similar. It is a deadens job with little to know resume value, even for an administrative career.

She enjoys it? It's not about the money? She likes being out of the house and being around adults?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Umm ... because domestic labor is labor, and maybe "this person" would rather work in an office with adults, than be home all day doing domestic labor?

I don’t get this point. Of course taking care of a child is labor— no one has argued otherwise. It’s just a practicality argument. Why would someone take a job that looks pretty unappealing if they didn’t have to, especially if doing do necessitates paying someone else more than you make?

People are being coy, so let’s make this stark:

If you knew someone with a high earning spouse who chose to work at McDonalds and hire a nanny rather than SAHM, wouldn’t you think that was odd? Or would you still argue that “being around adults” is sufficient reason to do this?

No, I would not think it was strange. I worked in food service for years (including fast food) and there was a lot I enjoyed about it. As a shy introvert, having a role in which I could interact with a lot of other people in a very specific way (which reduces anxiety) for short amounts of time was a huge plus, and it provided a much easier way to get in some socialization than the often-exhausting cultivation of long-term adult friendships requires. So I can readily understand why someone might enjoy that kind of work and want to continue doing it instead of staying at home with small children, which isn't everyone's cup of tea.

Also, DCUM really needs to get over this mindset that "her" salary is what pays for childcare. Childcare is a household expense that comes out of the entire household income. The question is not does the mom make enough to cover childcare; it's do both spouses working together make enough, and here they clearly do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Umm ... because domestic labor is labor, and maybe "this person" would rather work in an office with adults, than be home all day doing domestic labor?

I don’t get this point. Of course taking care of a child is labor— no one has argued otherwise. It’s just a practicality argument. Why would someone take a job that looks pretty unappealing if they didn’t have to, especially if doing do necessitates paying someone else more than you make?

People are being coy, so let’s make this stark:

If you knew someone with a high earning spouse who chose to work at McDonalds and hire a nanny rather than SAHM, wouldn’t you think that was odd? Or would you still argue that “being around adults” is sufficient reason to do this?

Like a pp noted, unfortunately for many men having a stay home spouse ends up translating in their minds into essentially 0 obligation to do any housework/childcare. So yeah I could see how these women wind up much better off doing a menial 40 hour job a week and 50% of childcare rather than being 100% responsible for domestic labor.

Anonymous wrote:If you had a kid under 3/4 (so not preschool age) and your spouse made a lot of money, why would you choose to work a low paid admin job that barely (or didn’t quite) cover the cost of your nanny instead of just staying home a couple years until your kid started PK?

I’m normally unphased by whatever work/childcare situation someone sets up (I work, ftr) but I don’t get this one. She doesn’t have a career to protect and her job is the sort you can find anytime. Is it just that some people don’t want or can’t handle that much time with a baby or toddler? It just seems odd.

Me: Nunya
You: Nunya what?
Me: Nunya bizness

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she likes the work and the opportunity to get out of the house. Maybe she likes knowing she still has some financial independence. Maybe she gets a discount where she works. Maybe she hates diapers and would lose her mind changing them all day.

So many reasons!

Does anybody like changing diapers? If she would "lose her mind changing diapers" then perhaps she needs a psych? I don't care why anybody chooses to stay home or work, but let's not pretend that some people are more suited to such drudgery.

I worked front desk at a yoga studio as a student and I 100% would do it again. People were so nice, I met so many interesting people who I would not otherwise have interacted with. It was work but it was not hard and it was very fun. If I were a SAHM, I would definitely do something like this, and not because the money was great.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think there’s any job you can just automatically find any time and I respect that my admins have careers (I’m a lawyer so I mean my paralegals and legal assistants).

+1 admins have careers too, even if it's not up to your standards.

FWIW, my cousin was a lowly admin when she had her babies. She kept working even though it probably didn't bring in much more than childcare. Now she's the head of HR for a large company.

Love this example, thank you!

Maybe she likes the work and the opportunity to get out of the house. Maybe she likes knowing she still has some financial independence. Maybe she gets a discount where she works. Maybe she hates diapers and would lose her mind changing them all day.

So many reasons!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The economy works when people work. She is working and her nanny is working, too.

The government sure likes it. The majority of her income is likely going to taxes.

Oh but you're not judging right?

Anonymous wrote:The economy works when people work. She is working and her nanny is working, too.

The government sure likes it. The majority of her income is likely going to taxes.

It sounds like the person is fortunate to have some flexibility and choices, and she chose to work and hire a nanny.

This is a completely valid choice. The role of "mother" does not overwrite ever other facet of a person's livelihood so no, not every woman would chose to be home with kids full-time.

I certainly would not have.

Because a nanny’s sole focus is the kids. Nannies can focus on the kids’ schedule and activities. When you are a SAHM, you end up running errands, cleaning the house and making dinner in addition to playing with and teaching the kids.

OMG we’re still judging this mom?!
Why are we so hard, judgmental and unsupportive of women and their choices?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Focus on your own life OP. You're gross.

Maybe you should focus on your own life and not call a stranger “gross” on the internet. It’s okay to ask questions on this website designed for that purpose.

This website is designed to give you space to talk sh!t about your sister in law or someone from your club or whoever this woman is to you? I can smell your judgement though my screen. jUSt ASkIng quEsTiOns my ass. Why she chooses to do this is none of your business. Don't you have your own family to worry about?

Maybe her plans are to shift career fields when the kids start school.

So for example, if she wants to become a yoga instructor, working at the front desk of a yoga studio gets her free classes, maybe some exposure to the business side, and the lifestyle benefits that come with working around yoga enthusiasts.