Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 10:22     Subject: Re:Guy canceled date
Anonymous wrote:NP here. My take on this is that it isn’t the cancellation that’s the problem, it’s how he handled it. Think about it, if the situation were reversed and you had to cancel a third date with someone who’d purchased tickets and was half way out the door en route to the date, what would you do? Most likely, in addition to a text you would:

1. Call them on the phone to ensure they know what’s going on and express your sincere apology/ concern for bailing at the last minute;

2. Make a serious offer to make it up to them with an even more terrific date when you do get to see them; and

3. Follow through on Item 2.

If you don’t really care all that much about developing a relationship with this person, then perhaps these things don’t matter much. But I think they do matter if you are hoping the relationship will be heading somewhere.



Precisely. But a lot of these people are not hoping to build a relationship. They just want to get laid on the regular and string people along saying they want a relationship and if the person they are dating mentions that's not how you treat someone you want to be serious with they start the "my kids come first, BS".

If the boyfriend is serious about being in a relationship with someone it's time to come up with a new plan. Time to work on finding an on-call babysitter. Covering an ex getting called into work is not the same as canceling plans because the kid had an emergency.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 10:18     Subject: Guy canceled date
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the ex wives on this thread insisting that ex husbands should cancel dating plans because their ex wife decides to pick up a last minute shift. Sorry y’all he’s not your husband anymore and you shouldn’t expect nor demand that.


ER nurses aren't always picking up an extra shift. There are you know.. emergencies.

For example there was a 5-vehicle colliision in Wheaton last night sending lots of people to the hospital. Extra staff may be needed on short notice:
https://mocoshow.com/blog/five-vehicle-collision-in-wheaton-sends-six-people-to-the-hospital/



I guess I missed where OP said the ex is an ER nurse. Also, ER nurses aren't always on call , and having to come in that's a choice the ex made, which is within her right to do so, but she should probably have another plan beside her ex husband to come watch the kids when she wants to work an extra shift.


How dense are you? Nowhere does it say the ex asked to work an extra shift or had any choice about it. And if my ex even hints that she’s not up to the task you bet your ass I’m going to drop you for my kids.



Then you shouldn't be dating. You should probably just stay married to your ex if you're going to continue to be at her beck and call.

Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 10:07     Subject: Guy canceled date
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the ex wives on this thread insisting that ex husbands should cancel dating plans because their ex wife decides to pick up a last minute shift. Sorry y’all he’s not your husband anymore and you shouldn’t expect nor demand that.


ER nurses aren't always picking up an extra shift. There are you know.. emergencies.

For example there was a 5-vehicle colliision in Wheaton last night sending lots of people to the hospital. Extra staff may be needed on short notice:
https://mocoshow.com/blog/five-vehicle-collision-in-wheaton-sends-six-people-to-the-hospital/



I guess I missed where OP said the ex is an ER nurse. Also, ER nurses aren't always on call , and having to come in that's a choice the ex made, which is within her right to do so, but she should probably have another plan beside her ex husband to come watch the kids when she wants to work an extra shift.


How dense are you? Nowhere does it say the ex asked to work an extra shift or had any choice about it. And if my ex even hints that she’s not up to the task you bet your ass I’m going to drop you for my kids.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 09:49     Subject: Guy canceled date
Anonymous wrote:Someone somewhere was having a medical emergency.

His wife got called into work on short notice.

Kids need care & that is hard to arrange on short notice, especially in a pandemic.

He stepped up.

You are pissed.




You have a babysitter for those situations. You can still get a babysitter even during COVID.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 09:48     Subject: Guy canceled date
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the ex wives on this thread insisting that ex husbands should cancel dating plans because their ex wife decides to pick up a last minute shift. Sorry y’all he’s not your husband anymore and you shouldn’t expect nor demand that.


ER nurses aren't always picking up an extra shift. There are you know.. emergencies.

For example there was a 5-vehicle colliision in Wheaton last night sending lots of people to the hospital. Extra staff may be needed on short notice:
https://mocoshow.com/blog/five-vehicle-collision-in-wheaton-sends-six-people-to-the-hospital/



I guess I missed where OP said the ex is an ER nurse. Also, ER nurses aren't always on call , and having to come in that's a choice the ex made, which is within her right to do so, but she should probably have another plan beside her ex husband to come watch the kids when she wants to work an extra shift.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 09:45     Subject: Re:Guy canceled date
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Damn this guy for prioritizing his kids over a woman he's been on 2 dates with! OP should move on!


Ha. This.

My kids will always come before someone I’ve been on 2 dates with. If OP can’t handle that kids will come first, she needs to move on.

Tho this guy sounds like a dream compared to all the loser fathers I know who will happily bail on their children for a piece of ass.



He wasn't prioritizing his kids. He was prioritizing his ex-wife.. The ex-wife could have said she couldn't take the shift or have a backup sitter if she wants to work call-in shifts.


PP. I disagree. I would much rather see my children than someone I had been out with twice. Can’t stand my xH and wouldn’t lift a finger to help him, but I’ll always make seeing my children my top priority. If someone gave me a hard time for it, I would dump them.



You can disagree all you want you are in the wrong here, and you shouldn't be dating seriously if you think it's okay to drop plans at the last minute.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 09:44     Subject: Guy canceled date
Anonymous wrote:Gotta love all the ex wives on this thread insisting that ex husbands should cancel dating plans because their ex wife decides to pick up a last minute shift. Sorry y’all he’s not your husband anymore and you shouldn’t expect nor demand that.


ER nurses aren't always picking up an extra shift. There are you know.. emergencies.

For example there was a 5-vehicle colliision in Wheaton last night sending lots of people to the hospital. Extra staff may be needed on short notice:
https://mocoshow.com/blog/five-vehicle-collision-in-wheaton-sends-six-people-to-the-hospital/
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 09:42     Subject: Guy canceled date
Anonymous wrote:Eh. I’ve dated a number of divorced dads and am in a relationship with one now. I prefer to date men who have very clear cut custody schedules. When each parent has the kid, if they need someone else to take care of the kids, it’s on the parents who has custody to find someone. It’s not the other parents job to fill in. I would not be cool with this happening frequently.

I’d keep dating other people.


Wow. Do you have children? FYI, your kids are your responsibility regardless of who has custody time.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 09:40     Subject: Guy canceled date
Gotta love all the ex wives on this thread insisting that ex husbands should cancel dating plans because their ex wife decides to pick up a last minute shift. Sorry y’all he’s not your husband anymore and you shouldn’t expect nor demand that.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 09:15     Subject: Re:Guy canceled date
NP here. My take on this is that it isn’t the cancellation that’s the problem, it’s how he handled it. Think about it, if the situation were reversed and you had to cancel a third date with someone who’d purchased tickets and was half way out the door en route to the date, what would you do? Most likely, in addition to a text you would:

1. Call them on the phone to ensure they know what’s going on and express your sincere apology/ concern for bailing at the last minute;

2. Make a serious offer to make it up to them with an even more terrific date when you do get to see them; and

3. Follow through on Item 2.

If you don’t really care all that much about developing a relationship with this person, then perhaps these things don’t matter much. But I think they do matter if you are hoping the relationship will be heading somewhere.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 09:08     Subject: Re:Guy canceled date
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Damn this guy for prioritizing his kids over a woman he's been on 2 dates with! OP should move on!


Ha. This.

My kids will always come before someone I’ve been on 2 dates with. If OP can’t handle that kids will come first, she needs to move on.

Tho this guy sounds like a dream compared to all the loser fathers I know who will happily bail on their children for a piece of ass.



He wasn't prioritizing his kids. He was prioritizing his ex-wife.. The ex-wife could have said she couldn't take the shift or have a backup sitter if she wants to work call-in shifts.


PP. I disagree. I would much rather see my children than someone I had been out with twice. Can’t stand my xH and wouldn’t lift a finger to help him, but I’ll always make seeing my children my top priority. If someone gave me a hard time for it, I would dump them.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 09:05     Subject: Guy canceled date
If you are going to date someone with young children you’ll have to be flexible. Yes this is disappointing but if there is a spark I would go out him again and also yes he can reimburse you for the tickets.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 09:02     Subject: Re:Guy canceled date
Anonymous wrote:OP I dated someone like this for several months. In the end it didn’t work for me. He was always choosing his ex ( often framed as kids ) over me. I often wondered why they are not still married, since in many ways they still functioned as husband and wife. It drove me crazy! I’m a parent myself and know how kids work.I also know that if I’m looking to date seriously I need to prioritize any boyfriends above my ex husband.


It’s called co-parenting. Unreal
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 08:48     Subject: Re:Guy canceled date
OP I dated someone like this for several months. In the end it didn’t work for me. He was always choosing his ex ( often framed as kids ) over me. I often wondered why they are not still married, since in many ways they still functioned as husband and wife. It drove me crazy! I’m a parent myself and know how kids work.I also know that if I’m looking to date seriously I need to prioritize any boyfriends above my ex husband.
Anonymous
Post 10/17/2021 08:40     Subject: Guy canceled date
Anonymous wrote:Eh. I’ve dated a number of divorced dads and am in a relationship with one now. I prefer to date men who have very clear cut custody schedules. When each parent has the kid, if they need someone else to take care of the kids, it’s on the parents who has custody to find someone. It’s not the other parents job to fill in. I would not be cool with this happening frequently.

I’d keep dating other people.


Great track record!