I think the more kids you have the more likely you’ll have the one loser. Never had heard them referred to as a dud, and as one of a family with many children, I always assumed it was the result of parents whose attention was spread too thin.

To the moms of 5 year olds with the perfect children, I am so sorry. You haven’t had teenagers yet. Very hard to get through the teenage years unscathed. I really thought I’d done the perfect job parenting. Wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Three is just a status symbol in a high COL area.

+1

Anonymous wrote:But my kid is in the 99th percentile at age 4. He's never going to be a dud.

Percentile of what?

Ha! My parents had 3 and we're all duds. I was the golden child and the "gifted" one, but it all fell apart after college when I totally failed in the workplace. I can pump out grandbabies like nobody's business, but I'm divorced, poor, and no way I'd be able to care for my parents. My sister got the cushy, high-paying job but is so psycho that she'll never marry and have kids. My brother is an alcoholic, can't hold a job, and wouldn't want anything to do with any kids he accidentally conceives. Rrreeaalllyyy dumb to have a bunch of kids in hopes one will take care of you, none of us are equipped to care for a parent.

Anonymous wrote:That's not the reason. I know families with no duds, families with all duds, families where the kids hate each other or hate the parents.

It's just a status thing, showing you can afford three kids. It has a try-hard vibe.

+1

No reason to have three or more kids in this day and age.

Anonymous wrote:My parents had four kids and I think they might think we are all duds. I think we're all good people and great parents to our own kids. Our parents are, I think, just unhappy with their own lives and want to live vicariously through us and are disappointed we aren't providing a more glamorous proxy life for them.

I know people who had three to "guarantee" grand kids. Dumb. You can never guarantee that some other person will make choices to satisfy your needs. Satisfy yourself!

I think having more kids in order to guarantee any particular kind of future for yourself beyond the experience of raising an additional child is foolish.

I hear this one a lot. Funny, most families having many kids, that I know of - half of them don't have kids! Says so much about the grandparents (as parents), to me!

This theory is insane to me. I have four kids and never wondered if one was a dud or worried about it. What parent does that? Can’t imagine thinking of people as duds, let alone my own children.

That's not the reason. I know families with no duds, families with all duds, families where the kids hate each other or hate the parents.

It's just a status thing, showing you can afford three kids. It has a try-hard vibe.

Anonymous wrote:That sounds horrible. Now I'm going to look around at all the families with 3 kids and wonder which of the first two was the "dud".

+1

Not to mention, the people who have 3 or more that some people say do it for narcissistic reasons. Never look at them the same again.

Your friends sound awful. I want three kids (have one, currently pregnant with #2, want one more) and it's because children bring so much joy to my life. I absolutely love watching and helping them grow, I love being able to give my children an amazing childhood, kids just amaze me with their intellect and creativity and outlook on life. I would never have kids so that I'd have someone to care for me - I don't care if they do or not, it's my job to care for them. I don't care if they're "duds", I want them to be happy. If they're duds, that's likely my fault and I screwed up parenting them. Having an extra child as insurance against a school shooting so there's less pressure on the living child? Really?? How about, don't pressure your kids and let them develop into the person they are meant to be.

That sounds horrible. Now I'm going to look around at all the families with 3 kids and wonder which of the first two was the "dud".

My parents had four kids and I think they might think we are all duds. I think we're all good people and great parents to our own kids. Our parents are, I think, just unhappy with their own lives and want to live vicariously through us and are disappointed we aren't providing a more glamorous proxy life for them.

I know people who had three to "guarantee" grand kids. Dumb. You can never guarantee that some other person will make choices to satisfy your needs. Satisfy yourself!

I think having more kids in order to guarantee any particular kind of future for yourself beyond the experience of raising an additional child is foolish.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:That's why I have 5 kids. I'm winning at evolution

I have one because I got it right the first time.

...kidding! Honestly, this is a weird thing people get hung up on. There are no guarantees with ANY kids.

I’m the childless spinster dud who commented previously. I was the perfect kid: smart, athletic, cute, never got in trouble or caused any worry. Got scholarships, had impressive summer jobs, went to grad school…and then just checked out of life. My parents love me and would never call me a dud, but yeah, you never know how your kids are going to turn out.

What happened to you? Did someone do something bad to you? Are you depressed?

Long history of depression, yes. At the time I was just really burnt out. I wanted to take a break from all the studying and working and being perfect. But I never went back to caring about those kinds of achievements. My life is good now that my mental health is better, and my family loves me, but I definitely did not turn out the way anyone expected it would.

FWIW you are better for getting through your depression and living a happy life. That’s all that matters, the rest is just not important. Just wanted to say this.

Yup another fellow "dud" here -- I'm not in as high powered of a career that I would have imagined in my youth. I don't make as much money as I could-- I teach at community College instead of working in my industry. So my salary is about half of its potential. I have Clinny D and Anxiety, and if I worked a more stressful job I wouldn't be as mentally healthy.

And yeah sometimes I think about how nice it would be to have money for fancy vacations but mostly I'm very happy with my choices. I don't consider a person's worth by how much money and influence they have.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's why I have 5 kids. I'm winning at evolution

I have one because I got it right the first time.

...kidding! Honestly, this is a weird thing people get hung up on. There are no guarantees with ANY kids.

I’m the childless spinster dud who commented previously. I was the perfect kid: smart, athletic, cute, never got in trouble or caused any worry. Got scholarships, had impressive summer jobs, went to grad school…and then just checked out of life. My parents love me and would never call me a dud, but yeah, you never know how your kids are going to turn out.

What happened to you? Did someone do something bad to you? Are you depressed?

Long history of depression, yes. At the time I was just really burnt out. I wanted to take a break from all the studying and working and being perfect. But I never went back to caring about those kinds of achievements. My life is good now that my mental health is better, and my family loves me, but I definitely did not turn out the way anyone expected it would.

FWIW you are better for getting through your depression and living a happy life. That’s all that matters, the rest is just not important. Just wanted to say this.

Thank you. It took me a long time to find peace. My family is just happy that I’m happy and they don’t mind helping when I need them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's why I have 5 kids. I'm winning at evolution

I have one because I got it right the first time.

...kidding! Honestly, this is a weird thing people get hung up on. There are no guarantees with ANY kids.

I’m the childless spinster dud who commented previously. I was the perfect kid: smart, athletic, cute, never got in trouble or caused any worry. Got scholarships, had impressive summer jobs, went to grad school…and then just checked out of life. My parents love me and would never call me a dud, but yeah, you never know how your kids are going to turn out.

What happened to you? Did someone do something bad to you? Are you depressed?

Long history of depression, yes. At the time I was just really burnt out. I wanted to take a break from all the studying and working and being perfect. But I never went back to caring about those kinds of achievements. My life is good now that my mental health is better, and my family loves me, but I definitely did not turn out the way anyone expected it would.

FWIW you are better for getting through your depression and living a happy life. That’s all that matters, the rest is just not important. Just wanted to say this.