Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my 20s, I focused on my OWN salary. I picked a major, went to grad school, in something I knew would allow me to find a good job and I'd be interested in as well.

I had no 'salary requirements' and I met my husband when he was 24 (close to 25) and I was 26. I was making slightly more than him then. He was smart as hell, good looking, funny, athletic and had a degree from a good university.

Over time he was making double and triple my salary (my salary is very good). But, when we met there was no guarantee he would be such a high earner.

I picked the man, not the $.

Women should focus on earning their own $.

That’s fine if you plan to raise kids and support your spouse for 50+ years on whatever you can make alone. That goes for both genders. But lots of people find it difficult to manage that on one salary. Which is when resentment can start to build that your partner earns so much less. And you might begin controlling how your spouse spends since you are the one contributing much more. I saw this in my friend group. Couples having fights over groceries and toiletries when the issue is really a $30k or more pay gap.

I see it with a spouse that has no job. That's quite a bit more than a $30k pay gap when one brings in $0.

Earning $0 at least you are clear that one person is not financially contributing. However, when one spouse earns 75% of the HHI, roles get murkier —especially if you had never discussed this possibility as the long term status quo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of three options:

1). He had to earn enough that I could be a SAHM and be willing to live on his salary only.

2). He was willing to be a good SAHD, support my career, and live on whatever I made.

3). He was willing to share in 50% of the household responsibilities knowing that would mean that he wouldn’t go as far on his career as he could have otherwise and that he would sometimes miss out on other things he wanted to do.

A guy who fits one of these is surprisingly difficult to meet. Most men seem to expect women to take care of all household chores, support them in whatever they want to do both socially and career-wise, AND make their own good income.

don't forget "she should want sex with me whenever I want it even though she's doing most of the housechores/childcare and working FT".

Ha! Yes.
And she should be able to find a job that allows her to make a good income AND has enough flexibility to take care of most of the house and childcare responsibilities in whatever city in the US has the best job prospects for ME.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of three options:

1). He had to earn enough that I could be a SAHM and be willing to live on his salary only.

2). He was willing to be a good SAHD, support my career, and live on whatever I made.

3). He was willing to share in 50% of the household responsibilities knowing that would mean that he wouldn’t go as far on his career as he could have otherwise and that he would sometimes miss out on other things he wanted to do.

A guy who fits one of these is surprisingly difficult to meet. Most men seem to expect women to take care of all household chores, support them in whatever they want to do both socially and career-wise, AND make their own good income.

don't forget "she should want sex with me whenever I want it even though she's doing most of the housechores/childcare and working FT".

.. forgot to add.. "and she should not get fat even though she probably has little time to herself because she's doing all the housechores/childcare, working FT and is stressed".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of three options:

1). He had to earn enough that I could be a SAHM and be willing to live on his salary only.

2). He was willing to be a good SAHD, support my career, and live on whatever I made.

3). He was willing to share in 50% of the household responsibilities knowing that would mean that he wouldn’t go as far on his career as he could have otherwise and that he would sometimes miss out on other things he wanted to do.

A guy who fits one of these is surprisingly difficult to meet. Most men seem to expect women to take care of all household chores, support them in whatever they want to do both socially and career-wise, AND make their own good income.

don't forget "she should want sex with me whenever I want it even though she's doing most of the housechores/childcare and working FT".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are such bad liars.

A woman married to a 30 year old Sales engineer with a trust fund AND who brings in at least 200k per year, not including bonus, nonchalantly says, "oh, I don't care much for money"

LOL That is why you specifically selected for a guy who had the kind of degree and job prospects to give you the life you want in addition to ensuring he had generational wealth.

? How many men do you think come from money such that all these women out there are only picking those men? Yes, *people* with money are catches. You think women from family money aren't great catches?

There is a lot of money in the DC area. If you marry a boy who grew up in McLean/Bethesda/Great Falls/Vienna/Oakton you are sure to marry the type.

ok, so? Do you think only men in McLean/Bethesda/Great Falls/Vienna/Oakton are dating?

And like I said, rich women are also catches.

It's disingenuous of people to say that finances or earning potential doesn't matter. Of course it matters. When you have a mortgage, kids, etc... money matters. Have you ever tried raising kids being poor? My parents were poor immigrants. Life was tough. I never want to be poor again. That doesn't mean only money matters. I was already making six figures when I started dating DH, but you can bet that I would not have married DH if he was making $60K. We lived in hcol area. The woman is the one who gets pregnant, has to take time off to have the baby. The maternity leave in this country is crap. I took way more than six weeks for maternity leave, and that meant that I had to cut my pay. We would've been stressed about finances if DH wasn't making enough in the hcol area we were in.

FWIW, DH could make waaay more if he wanted to by taking on managerial roles, but he hates that, and I don't blame him. So, I don't push him to make more.

There's a difference between only looking at money, and looking at whether your partner can help you build a comfortable life.

“How gauche, I don’t care about DH salary, we were just in love and now he makes 7 figures”. — 99% of response to these threads.

Anonymous wrote:One of three options:

1). He had to earn enough that I could be a SAHM and be willing to live on his salary only.

2). He was willing to be a good SAHD, support my career, and live on whatever I made.

3). He was willing to share in 50% of the household responsibilities knowing that would mean that he wouldn’t go as far on his career as he could have otherwise and that he would sometimes miss out on other things he wanted to do.

This.

This also highlights the infrequently stated fact that men also care about their spouses income.

Anonymous wrote:One of three options:

1). He had to earn enough that I could be a SAHM and be willing to live on his salary only.

2). He was willing to be a good SAHD, support my career, and live on whatever I made.

3). He was willing to share in 50% of the household responsibilities knowing that would mean that he wouldn’t go as far on his career as he could have otherwise and that he would sometimes miss out on other things he wanted to do.

A guy who fits one of these is surprisingly difficult to meet. Most men seem to expect women to take care of all household chores, support them in whatever they want to do both socially and career-wise, AND make their own good income.

One of three options:

1). He had to earn enough that I could be a SAHM and be willing to live on his salary only.

2). He was willing to be a good SAHD, support my career, and live on whatever I made.

3). He was willing to share in 50% of the household responsibilities knowing that would mean that he wouldn’t go as far on his career as he could have otherwise and that he would sometimes miss out on other things he wanted to do.

I'm convinced this is the same troll who posts regularly about how she didn't get the memo on marrying wealthy, etc. It's getting annoying and I wish Jeff could ban her.

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit, OP. What is wrong with you?

I know, right? We are supposed to keep this topic secret!

Anonymous wrote:What salary makes a guy marriage material?

I’d say 150k+ preferably 250k+

At what age?

My husband works for the federal government and plans to stay until retirement. I dated a lot of wealthy men before but he’s the one who I fell in love with. No regrets! We live a wonderful life.

Same as or more than me

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to law school planning to find a spouse. I would only have dated someone biglaw bound. DH is now a partner. I don’t regret anything.

Ah the archaic Mrs. degree. I hope the financial investment was worth it.

Yes, it was?