I think there are a lot of problems here, but the first one is that the baby is simply not getting enough sleep and that's not good for her. And since overtired babies perversely tend not to sleep well, this is likely making the nighttime worse.

My first and best suggestion is for DH to take the older kids to school so you and the baby can stay home and get a good nap in the morning. If that's not possible, then what about actually extending the morning drive so that the baby can get a good car nap? Or once you get home in the morning, stay in the car with her and both of you can nap?

Another idea: can you do a carpool with another parent so you don't have to drive to pick up your middle kid every day?

I have 3 kids and wrote above about changing nap schedule.

Everyone is piling up on OP who is trying to do her best for her 3 kids. She has 2 more to take care of and the middle child is the most frail one right now. That baby (probably just turned 3) has just started preschool with all that goes with it. She can’t take him/her out now… it’s a non negotiable and I understand that. The baby is fine in the car especially since as we all know, in a few months he /she will be down to 2 naps and then 1. It would be cruel to change the middle child schedule for the baby’s nap.

No, op you need to keep baby awake during the first car ride or ask your husband to drive the kids to school while he takes his meetings on his phone (my DH does this). If your husband can’t drive the kids, then find a way to keep your baby awake.
He/she will be exhausted by 9-9:30 when you are home and will sleep right away comfortable in a bed, stroller, whatever (my first did all her naps in a stroller and it was great). Then he/she won’t be too tired during the first pick up…

Blood test for anemia and lead

I had a baby that slept terribly like that. It’s the rocking to sleep. It’s called a negative sleep association.

I also couldn’t stomach crying it out. Then I realized how unhappy my baby was, and how blindingly sleep deprived I was. We did Ferber and it worked and I don’t regret a thing. I think it saved both our lives, no exaggeration.

I haven't read all the replies, OP, but might your baby be cold?

My son started doing this when he was a baby and had been sleeping through the night, Turns out, we were putting him in lightweight sleepwear instead of the thicker flannel and he was cold. Once we started dressing him warmer, he went back to sleeping through the night.

Nanny here- Why isn’t your baby napping 9-10:30? Wouldn’t that fit into your driving schedule? Even 9:30-11? 10-11:30? You need daytime CIO. Sleep begets sleep and your baby is up all night because you are making her exhausted. It’s not okay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op you’ve received lots of suggestions but all you want to do is complain and say why they won’t work for you. Everyone move on to the next topic, op enjoys being miserable and thinking she has no solution.

Yep completely this.

+2

Has there been a +3 yet?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I literally cannot fathom thinking that a couple hours, max, of crying for a few days is somehow more cruel then leaving your child to be extraordinarily sleep deprived for weeks with no end in sight.

I also can’t fathom prioritizing a half day preschool program over an infant getting any restorative daytime sleep. How if your baby supposed to learn and grow like this?

Something needs to give in your day so your baby can nap. Period. Figure that out. Then, especially if it was going better before, night sleep might even out on its own as your baby moves out of her exhausted state in a couple days. Otherwise, CIO. If you prefer checks, that’s fine. I recommend The Sleep Easy Solution, but any system will do as long as you’re consistent.

+1. You're in a bad pattern. Breaking it with sleep trainijgnwill be beneficial for your kid. An exhausted baby can't be that happy.

She doesn’t need sleep training. I have 3 and never did CIO. But baby needs nap time.

Your baby needs a strict nap schedule. You need other arrangements for pickups. Baby comes first.

Anonymous wrote:I literally cannot fathom thinking that a couple hours, max, of crying for a few days is somehow more cruel then leaving your child to be extraordinarily sleep deprived for weeks with no end in sight.

I also can’t fathom prioritizing a half day preschool program over an infant getting any restorative daytime sleep. How if your baby supposed to learn and grow like this?

Something needs to give in your day so your baby can nap. Period. Figure that out. Then, especially if it was going better before, night sleep might even out on its own as your baby moves out of her exhausted state in a couple days. Otherwise, CIO. If you prefer checks, that’s fine. I recommend The Sleep Easy Solution, but any system will do as long as you’re consistent.

+1. You're in a bad pattern. Breaking it with sleep trainijgnwill be beneficial for your kid. An exhausted baby can't be that happy.

Anonymous wrote:I literally cannot fathom thinking that a couple hours, max, of crying for a few days is somehow more cruel then leaving your child to be extraordinarily sleep deprived for weeks with no end in sight.

I also can’t fathom prioritizing a half day preschool program over an infant getting any restorative daytime sleep. How if your baby supposed to learn and grow like this?

Something needs to give in your day so your baby can nap. Period. Figure that out. Then, especially if it was going better before, night sleep might even out on its own as your baby moves out of her exhausted state in a couple days. Otherwise, CIO. If you prefer checks, that’s fine. I recommend The Sleep Easy Solution, but any system will do as long as you’re consistent.

Yes, this. It is an incredible amount of stress on that poor baby for a small benefit to the 3 year old.

I agree that there are two possible problems here, and it's worth looking into both approaches. First, more day sleep may help baby feel less stressed and have an easier time sleeping at night. Second, the issue may alternatively just be an issue of connecting sleep cycles. Sleep training, co-sleeping for the first part of the night (not the second part) or bringing baby's crib in your room are options.

Sometimes we parents have to trouble shoot the sleep problems by trying different things. That's why you've gotten so many different, but good, responses here. The answer could be any one of them. I would just start with whatever sounds easiest to you.

CIO overnight. And you MUST change your daytime situation so the baby can nap during the day. She is completely sleep deprived with your driving schedule. Change preschools, keep the younger one home, or hire someone to help with the baby while you do the driving.

You’re doing things to benefit your older children (preschool) but at the huge expense of your youngest, who is absolutely suffering from lack of sleep during the day. She’s all out of sorts, can’t sleep at night, and needs constant attention and comfort nursing because she is being deprived during the day from what she needs. Her brain development is at risk because of this wacky schedule you’ve gotten yourself in with the preschool being on another planet. Make a change for her sake, if not everyone else’s.

I literally cannot fathom thinking that a couple hours, max, of crying for a few days is somehow more cruel then leaving your child to be extraordinarily sleep deprived for weeks with no end in sight.

I also can’t fathom prioritizing a half day preschool program over an infant getting any restorative daytime sleep. How if your baby supposed to learn and grow like this?

Something needs to give in your day so your baby can nap. Period. Figure that out. Then, especially if it was going better before, night sleep might even out on its own as your baby moves out of her exhausted state in a couple days. Otherwise, CIO. If you prefer checks, that’s fine. I recommend The Sleep Easy Solution, but any system will do as long as you’re consistent.

Pick a different preschool that closer (under 15 min, closer the better) or keep 3 yr old home. They don’t really need preschool and will be fine without if you are home and engaged. This is the only realistic solution to make day naps happen. Even if you wanted a sitter, it would be hard to find someone that would be willing and available to work for only an hour in the middle of the day- that is reliable and you would trust with your infant.

Then, do night CIO. Extinction. It will be painful for you, but it is quick and she will be sleeping beautifully in a matter of a few days. Teaching your child how to put themselves to sleep and giving them the opportunity for restful sleep is one of the best things you can do. Tired babies are not only cranky, but it hinders their brain development id they are consistently getting poor quality sleep

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can't afford paid help, do you have a friend or neighbor who might assist? I have left my kid to nap at a friend's house while I went to the dentist, and I would happily let someone else's baby nap in my house if I was going to be home anyway.

I've considered this but it wouldn't really work because she is already struggling so much then I add a stranger and a strange environment to the mix? Plus covid? And she had those 20 min cat naps in the car so even if I had a bed I could leave her in during the midday pick up she's not really tired enough to go to sleep before I need to leave.

The timing of it all is just too challenging. When she goes down to one nap a day this won't be an issue any longer. Of course, that'll be around the time school lets out anyway.

You’re being a very selfish mom! Your child would be so much better off in a place where she isn’t spending so much time in a car and can get the sleep she needs for her age. It’s like you’re coming up with every excuse in the book to why you can’t make any hard choices to help your baby get the sleep she deserves. You’re spending hours a day in a car with a 7 month old not getting decent naps and you’re wondering why the baby won’t sleep at night? But you refuse to consider any sort of daytime care? Now you’re even claiming you can’t because of covid?

Please make a change so your baby can nap and then do CIO ASAP. Your baby needs to sleep.

Also make sure you’re on birth control so you don’t end up doing this to another young baby. It’s cruel.

The hypocrisy in your statements is astounding.

You do realize there are plenty of babies who spend 2 hours in the car every day? Rural communities, those with commutes that only have access to workplace care, etc.

OP ignore the shamers please.