Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's genetic. No sense being jealous when other people have no control over their bodies either.

This. A small number of people can transform their bodies into another shape through discipline (or, yes, disordered eating or obsessive exercise). But the vast majority of thin women you see are simply genetically predisposed to it. They may gain weight if they have kids or in middle, or not. That can depend some on lifestyle, but even that has a genetic component.

Which is why it’s dumb to envy or shame anyone for their body shape or size. We like to pretend this is entirely within someone’s control, but it’s not.

Please note I’m not saying it’s not worth it to eat well and exercise. It 100% is, no matter your size. I’m just saying that eating well and exercise will not magically turn a body that is genetically designed to be a size 10 into a size 0. It’s just not realistic or even useful. Your genetic size is what it is, embrace it and stop resenting others born with different kinds of bodies.

But if everyone were genetically predisposed to just being large, how do you account for the increasing weight of Americans the past few decades? It’s not just genetics. It’s eating processed junk, normalizing larger portions, and consuming an increased amount of added sugars.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's genetic. No sense being jealous when other people have no control over their bodies either.

This. A small number of people can transform their bodies into another shape through discipline (or, yes, disordered eating or obsessive exercise). But the vast majority of thin women you see are simply genetically predisposed to it. They may gain weight if they have kids or in middle, or not. That can depend some on lifestyle, but even that has a genetic component.

Which is why it’s dumb to envy or shame anyone for their body shape or size. We like to pretend this is entirely within someone’s control, but it’s not.

Please note I’m not saying it’s not worth it to eat well and exercise. It 100% is, no matter your size. I’m just saying that eating well and exercise will not magically turn a body that is genetically designed to be a size 10 into a size 0. It’s just not realistic or even useful. Your genetic size is what it is, embrace it and stop resenting others born with different kinds of bodies.

But if everyone were genetically predisposed to just being large, how do you account for the increasing weight of Americans the past few decades? It’s not just genetics. It’s eating processed junk, normalizing larger portions, and consuming an increased amount of added sugars.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's genetic. No sense being jealous when other people have no control over their bodies either.

This. A small number of people can transform their bodies into another shape through discipline (or, yes, disordered eating or obsessive exercise). But the vast majority of thin women you see are simply genetically predisposed to it. They may gain weight if they have kids or in middle, or not. That can depend some on lifestyle, but even that has a genetic component.

Which is why it’s dumb to envy or shame anyone for their body shape or size. We like to pretend this is entirely within someone’s control, but it’s not.

Please note I’m not saying it’s not worth it to eat well and exercise. It 100% is, no matter your size. I’m just saying that eating well and exercise will not magically turn a body that is genetically designed to be a size 10 into a size 0. It’s just not realistic or even useful. Your genetic size is what it is, embrace it and stop resenting others born with different kinds of bodies.

Anonymous wrote:It's genetic. No sense being jealous when other people have no control over their bodies either.

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I'm not insecure so if a loved one raised a concern, I'd listen to it. Just like when I say, "girl, you need to work on that so that back pain doesn't get worse!", they...also listen? I don't know what kind of relationships you have with other women, but yeesh you all sound insecure and toxic if you have to dance around subjects so carefully. OP, I think this thread is full of a lot of defensive women who can't help but make things about themselves. Your feelings are how you feel, and you're not alone in feeling them, regardless of what the gaslighters on this thread would have you believe. And no you don't need to lose weight JUST BECAUSE you feel that way. If you need to lose weight to be healthy, then focus on that. But know that different people are built differently and it's okay to not all be the same size. Goodness gracious.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I see a very thin mom, I am green with envy. Does this mean, I need to lose weight? I’m not that heavy myself but I’m still jealous for some reason. Does anyone know the healthy response?

I think the healthy response is that health, not weight, should be our goal. As we age our bodies will deteriorate to a degree and being healthy has an impact on that. It's a common assumption that heavy people are unhealthy but being too thin can also be unhealthy.

Oh goodness this. I know plenty of "skinny fat" moms that look better in a bathing suit than me, but have zero muscle and can't go on a 2 mile hike with their kids or play a game of soccer without getting winded. That lack of health will catch up with them faster than someone who is fit but 10 pounds over their preferred weight. I eat very well and exercise multiple times a week, and my weight naturally hovers right on the line between normal and overweight. I could restrict my already healthy diet and drop a size or two, but I focus on doing better on the Peleton or at yoga, and appreciate my body for what it can do, not what it looks like.

I think it's natural to have some jealousy of people who can put in zero effort for something you have to work for, but if it's more than a passing feeling, then that's about you and isn't healthy. Try to appreciate yourself and if you have room for improvement, then work on that because it will make you healthier, not to look better than others.

“Yes I envy women thinner than me but instead of just dealing with my own self esteem issues, I call them ‘skinny fat’ in my head and judge them for being less healthy than me, based on a bunch of stuff I assume but can’t possibly know about their bodies and lifestyle, and also I’ve decided being envious is ‘natural’ and therefore fine— I am perfect and those skinny moms are not. Ha!”

Stop rationalizing this. Their bodies, fitness, and health are none of your business. Did you know some people struggle to gain or maintain weight due to both physical and mental conditions? Are those people still “skinny fat” to you? You need to find a way to feel okay with your body that does not involve putting others down. This is a really toxic attitude.

Wow, way to jump to conclusions. I'm talking about my SIL, best friend, etc. People I actually know and love. They know they are risking their health and have issues like back pain from lack of core strength. They know this and talk about it with me. Not everyone who is skinny is unhealthy, just like not everyone who is healthy is skinny. The POINT is that skinny is not the most important thing, and OP should not assume that because some other mom is skinny, she's doing better than OP and should be what she compares herself against. Stop making this about you, yeesh.

Oh, because you know and love them, it’s ok to criticize them and judge their lifestyle?

How would you feel if one of them said about you “oh she thinks she’s fit but actually she overtraining and she’s going to pay for it when she has joint problems at 55” or “oh she thinks she eats so healthy but the truth is a lot if health issues are genetic and it’s gonna be a wake up call when all her smoothies can’t prevent her from getting cancer.” Would you think these were kind, living assessments? Or judgmental, condescending, and invasive?

Other people’s bodies are not your business, and feeling envious is not an excuse for being judgmental and rude about someone’s body. You need to focus on yourself. Leave these people alone.

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I see someone very thin, I think "eating disorder".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I see a very thin mom, I am green with envy. Does this mean, I need to lose weight? I’m not that heavy myself but I’m still jealous for some reason. Does anyone know the healthy response?

I think the healthy response is that health, not weight, should be our goal. As we age our bodies will deteriorate to a degree and being healthy has an impact on that. It's a common assumption that heavy people are unhealthy but being too thin can also be unhealthy.

Oh goodness this. I know plenty of "skinny fat" moms that look better in a bathing suit than me, but have zero muscle and can't go on a 2 mile hike with their kids or play a game of soccer without getting winded. That lack of health will catch up with them faster than someone who is fit but 10 pounds over their preferred weight. I eat very well and exercise multiple times a week, and my weight naturally hovers right on the line between normal and overweight. I could restrict my already healthy diet and drop a size or two, but I focus on doing better on the Peleton or at yoga, and appreciate my body for what it can do, not what it looks like.

I think it's natural to have some jealousy of people who can put in zero effort for something you have to work for, but if it's more than a passing feeling, then that's about you and isn't healthy. Try to appreciate yourself and if you have room for improvement, then work on that because it will make you healthier, not to look better than others.

“Yes I envy women thinner than me but instead of just dealing with my own self esteem issues, I call them ‘skinny fat’ in my head and judge them for being less healthy than me, based on a bunch of stuff I assume but can’t possibly know about their bodies and lifestyle, and also I’ve decided being envious is ‘natural’ and therefore fine— I am perfect and those skinny moms are not. Ha!”

Stop rationalizing this. Their bodies, fitness, and health are none of your business. Did you know some people struggle to gain or maintain weight due to both physical and mental conditions? Are those people still “skinny fat” to you? You need to find a way to feel okay with your body that does not involve putting others down. This is a really toxic attitude.

Wow, way to jump to conclusions. I'm talking about my SIL, best friend, etc. People I actually know and love. They know they are risking their health and have issues like back pain from lack of core strength. They know this and talk about it with me. Not everyone who is skinny is unhealthy, just like not everyone who is healthy is skinny. The POINT is that skinny is not the most important thing, and OP should not assume that because some other mom is skinny, she's doing better than OP and should be what she compares herself against. Stop making this about you, yeesh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I see a very thin mom, I am green with envy. Does this mean, I need to lose weight? I’m not that heavy myself but I’m still jealous for some reason. Does anyone know the healthy response?

I think the healthy response is that health, not weight, should be our goal. As we age our bodies will deteriorate to a degree and being healthy has an impact on that. It's a common assumption that heavy people are unhealthy but being too thin can also be unhealthy.

Oh goodness this. I know plenty of "skinny fat" moms that look better in a bathing suit than me, but have zero muscle and can't go on a 2 mile hike with their kids or play a game of soccer without getting winded. That lack of health will catch up with them faster than someone who is fit but 10 pounds over their preferred weight. I eat very well and exercise multiple times a week, and my weight naturally hovers right on the line between normal and overweight. I could restrict my already healthy diet and drop a size or two, but I focus on doing better on the Peleton or at yoga, and appreciate my body for what it can do, not what it looks like.

I think it's natural to have some jealousy of people who can put in zero effort for something you have to work for, but if it's more than a passing feeling, then that's about you and isn't healthy. Try to appreciate yourself and if you have room for improvement, then work on that because it will make you healthier, not to look better than others.

Anonymous wrote:The healthy response is that you don't think anything of another woman's body type. It's nothing more than a passing thought or observation. You don't attach judgments to it one way or the other. I see women all the time who I think look nice, have nice legs or are thin. I don't compare that woman's body to my own. I don't get down on myself based on how someone else looks.