Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you cannot give up your parental rights expect if someone else adopts the child. That's not how it works.

Yes, I know. I have family members willing to adopt.

A family mecannot just adopt without you also giving up your rights. You need to talk to a lawyer.

I have spoken to an attorney. She has done several cases like this, where one parent have up their rights and a family member adopted as the second responsible party. So yes, my family member can adopt while I retain my rights.

This does not sound legal or ethical. Good for him for refusing.

Single Mom of twins here - of course you can do it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you cannot give up your parental rights expect if someone else adopts the child. That's not how it works.

Yes, I know. I have family members willing to adopt.

A family mecannot just adopt without you also giving up your rights. You need to talk to a lawyer.

I have spoken to an attorney. She has done several cases like this, where one parent have up their rights and a family member adopted as the second responsible party. So yes, my family member can adopt while I retain my rights.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you cannot give up your parental rights expect if someone else adopts the child. That's not how it works.

Yes, I know. I have family members willing to adopt.

It does not work that way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you cannot give up your parental rights expect if someone else adopts the child. That's not how it works.

Yes, I know. I have family members willing to adopt.

In order for a family member to adopt you have to give up your rights. This is not comparable to a single parent adoption.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you cannot give up your parental rights expect if someone else adopts the child. That's not how it works.

Yes, I know. I have family members willing to adopt.

A family mecannot just adopt without you also giving up your rights. You need to talk to a lawyer.

I speak from experience - co-parenting with someone who is not truly invested in your child is a nightmare and can be extremely expensive, especially if they happen to have NPD, which you may not know. Sign away the rights ASAP if he's willing - get counseling on best way to approach him for this and keep contact whatever you and child specialist determine best. Again, you do not want to find yourself in a massive custody battle, and if he ever did decide he wanted more, he'll likely get it, and you may end up paying HIM child support.

Single Mothers by Choice: They are still around, and they are having a 30th anniversary celebration!

I adopted my daughter as a single mom, and i did not find parenting hard at all. Best.thing.ever. I adopted her at 7 months from Vietnam. See is now in college as a math and music major.

Anonymous wrote:You can absolutely do this on your own.

I would think further about trying to get him to give up his parental rights. You are correct that it will be hard for your child to have an unreliable parent who is in and out of their life unreliably, but it is also hard to have a father who walked away entirely and your child may also blame you in part for having him sign away his rights. Unless you are independently wealthy, get a child support order in place instead.

This to the first part but also know if you go after him for support OP, he may go for custodial time.

I had a friend who was involved in a Single Mothers By Choice group in DC, maybe see if they are still around? Was a great source of support for her and they would help each other, have playdates, swap gear, etc.

I am a single woman who raised a child entirely on my own (through adoption). It has been the most wonderful thing I ever was part of. You can do this! It is about establishing routines.You do need some type of safety net, but that does not have to be family.

For example, as your child starts school, you will approach another family that you trust and your child knows that is who is willing to be a second emergency contact for the school.

My friend became a single parent from your same situation. Even though the father in her case made much more money than her, she wanted little to do with him and he did not contribute financially to his child (but tries to take credit for the kid's achievements, such as graduating from college, which is laughable).

Anyway, you should maintain CONTACT with the father, because in the future your child will undoubtedly be curious to meet/talk to him. That is important to his/her identity.

If the man's family is nice, it could also provide additional relatives for a time in the future when you are not in the world anymore (i.e., cousins). But...bottom line is that you can definitely raise a child on your own if you are mentally healthy and responsible. My child has grown into an AWESOME adult, and she is my proudest accomplishment (though of course, I cannot take all credit for how awesome she is...she just IS!)

OP, I am a single mother who choose to adopt. So I am truly single parenting. It..is..hard and exhausting. Especially during the pandemic. Having a village is a must, but it all fell apart during COVID. And all of a sudden. No childcare, no friends, no aunties, no grandparents. Just me and a toddler and working full time in misery. As previously stated by another PP, make sure that you everything you need, financially etc. Back up to the back up (ie: who else can pick up kid from nursery/school, who can come over if your kid is sick). Women the world over have raised children alone, successfully. But it is not all roses and champagne. I would love to have someone to help with some decision making..is this the right nursery/school/doctor etc.

I would love a wonderful man to be a husband and father to DC. It would be great for both of us. But I would do it alone before involving myself and my child with a fool. And that is the choice that I made. You may not have that choice as that man is the father. Maybe there is a whole family on Dad’s side that would be so helpful and excited for that baby too.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:I am doing it alone with an abusive ex who only shows up when he wants. He makes a lot of money but child support is very minimal bc I also work. The child is wonderful but if I could go back in time I would probably make different choices. If you want a child on your own I would do it with a donor rather than bringing a child into the world with the knowledge that at least one of his parents did not want him and/or is a total jerk. OP no matter how much help you think you will have it is NOT the same as a partner; children also seriously adversely affect your ability to work and earn especially if alone; and if you are young enough I would seriously think about terminating and starting over after getting help for whatever issues have been preventing you from pursuing or finding partnership. Having a child is very likely to foreclose that potentially very rewarding opportunity.

This is very good advice, OP.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you cannot give up your parental rights expect if someone else adopts the child. That's not how it works.

Yes, I know. I have family members willing to adopt.

OP, you cannot give up your parental rights expect if someone else adopts the child. That's not how it works.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you can do it! Ditch him, have him sign away his rights and be free of him. Raise your child in a loving environment.

It still messes a child up to have one parent who didn't want them. That is written in your bones and never, ever goes away.

Not saying this is not true, but i would think its better to have a parent not be around than forcing someone who doesn't want to be there to be involved. In one case, a kid can argue that the parent missed out bc they didn't get to know the kids, in the second case if the parent still doesn't want to be involved, the kid can wonder what about them makes the parent so averse, despite knowing their kid. I'm adopted and I can say I fully believe I'm much better off with my family than if I hadn't been left behind at the hospital by my birth mother.

If you were left behind at the hospital, someone would have adopted you. And, as a child through adoption, most kids are curious about their birth family. My child certainly is. They have a close relationship with 1/2 his biological family and don't have a relationship with another (for good reasons) and even so they are curious. OP is not claiming abuse or neglect. She should give him a chance to be apart of this child's life and yes, that means joint parenting. This isn't an adoption situation or anything close to it. One good parent is better than none but ideal for kids is two good parents.