Anonymous
Post 09/20/2021 12:44     Subject: Ghosted by friends after surgery
How often are you generally in touch? 10 days seems like a long time for close friends to not be in contact, surgery or no surgery.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2021 12:41     Subject: Ghosted by friends after surgery
Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of my divorce. Radio silence. Sorry op.

Yep don’t care about your divorce either. It’s your choice and your private business.

I’m raising kids, working full time, taking care of a disabled spouse and aging parents. Your divorce doesn’t hit my radar.

Anonymous
Post 09/20/2021 12:37     Subject: Re:Ghosted by friends after surgery
Anonymous wrote:OP here: So I guess my question is this: If you have a friend that tells you they are having major (not cosmetic) surgery, how long before you check in on them or shoot them a text?


I texted the next day. And sent flowers.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2021 12:21     Subject: Ghosted by friends after surgery
OP the only thing I'll add to this patchy thread here is this, if you are well enough to type on here, you don't need your friends checking in on you. Your recovery is going fine and you'll be back to your old self in no time. Obviously.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2021 09:07     Subject: Re:Ghosted by friends after surgery
I am sorry.

I had surgery a few years ago and my friends visited me at the hospital. A few people sent me flowers. My boss sent me flowers. They did check in on me.

I was the maid of honor at my best friend’s wedding the next month and I was ok.

My parents came to help out with the kids while I recovered.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 19:43     Subject: Ghosted by friends after surgery
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m genuinely sorry, and I wish you a full recovery. If you need anything, please reach out.

But, I’m sorry—which friend are you and which problem do you have, again?

Are you my coworker whose husband recently committed suicide, or are you my college friend whose teenage son was recently evaluated at the hospital because of suicidal ideation?

Are you my neighbor whose wife recently died of lung cancer, or are you my neighbor who just had a hip replacement?

Are you my aunt and uncle who just lost their jobs and are hastily selling their home and relocating, or are you my uncle who just got out of the hospital from COVID complications?

Are you my friend whose kid has a nasty stomach bug and at the same time has severe arthritis herself, or are you my friend whose father just died?

If all I did was check in on friends, family and neighbors who were going through stuff, it would be all I did all day. And by the way, I’m going through some stuff of my own.


Wow.

DP.

You should check in on family and close friends…otherwise, you aren’t really close friends.


I do check on them. It’s non-stop. If a few friends fall through the cracks, I’m genuinely sorry. Or maybe I’m more focused on family with severe problems rather than married friends recovering from orthopedic surgery. If you have a spouse, you’re not going to be on the top of my list. My colleague whose husband committed suicide lives near me, and I’m running errands for her and am watching her kids.


Well aren't you something - a cross between a non-empathetic sociopath and Mother Theresa. Your posting did nothing to help OP other than demonstrate that if any of her friends are like you, then she is best to drop them.


NP here, but I understand the pp's post. OP had knee surgery and will be fine. I was in a serious car accident and won't be ok again, plus dealing with husband's and kids' injuries too. The only person who offered help was a stranger we met at the scene of the accident who performed a much-needed and important one-time favor. It never occurred to me to expect people except family to check on us or do anything for us. We got some nice messages on social media when we mentioned it, but we didn't even tell people all the specific procedures we needed to get because we're not looking for anything from others.

OP is definitely coming across as very dramatic and needy given that this isn't life-threatening. I expected her to say she has a 50% survival chance. Post on Facebook if you really want some well wishers responding, but expecting anything above and beyond that is extremely high maintenance.


I'm so sorry. I am lucky in that I have a great network (church, neighbors) that have checked on me and we do the same for others. I can't imagine not having that.

Sorry to make people interpret that I'm "dying".
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 19:39     Subject: Ghosted by friends after surgery
Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of my divorce. Radio silence. Sorry op.


Right? I've had a divorce dinner group for friends...and I've been married for over 30 years. But if you are going through it, I will invite you out with others I know that are also in the same situation to offer support, and buy you dinner. People just don't put in the effort to care any more.
"Care" meaning a few seconds of a text, not being like you have to drop everything and devote every minute to someone else. I hope you find a friend you can depend on PP.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 19:07     Subject: Ghosted by friends after surgery
Reminds me of my divorce. Radio silence. Sorry op.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 18:55     Subject: Ghosted by friends after surgery
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m genuinely sorry, and I wish you a full recovery. If you need anything, please reach out.

But, I’m sorry—which friend are you and which problem do you have, again?

Are you my coworker whose husband recently committed suicide, or are you my college friend whose teenage son was recently evaluated at the hospital because of suicidal ideation?

Are you my neighbor whose wife recently died of lung cancer, or are you my neighbor who just had a hip replacement?

Are you my aunt and uncle who just lost their jobs and are hastily selling their home and relocating, or are you my uncle who just got out of the hospital from COVID complications?

Are you my friend whose kid has a nasty stomach bug and at the same time has severe arthritis herself, or are you my friend whose father just died?

If all I did was check in on friends, family and neighbors who were going through stuff, it would be all I did all day. And by the way, I’m going through some stuff of my own.


Wow.

DP.

You should check in on family and close friends…otherwise, you aren’t really close friends.


I do check on them. It’s non-stop. If a few friends fall through the cracks, I’m genuinely sorry. Or maybe I’m more focused on family with severe problems rather than married friends recovering from orthopedic surgery. If you have a spouse, you’re not going to be on the top of my list. My colleague whose husband committed suicide lives near me, and I’m running errands for her and am watching her kids.


Well aren't you something - a cross between a non-empathetic sociopath and Mother Theresa. Your posting did nothing to help OP other than demonstrate that if any of her friends are like you, then she is best to drop them.


NP here, but I understand the pp's post. OP had knee surgery and will be fine. I was in a serious car accident and won't be ok again, plus dealing with husband's and kids' injuries too. The only person who offered help was a stranger we met at the scene of the accident who performed a much-needed and important one-time favor. It never occurred to me to expect people except family to check on us or do anything for us. We got some nice messages on social media when we mentioned it, but we didn't even tell people all the specific procedures we needed to get because we're not looking for anything from others.

OP is definitely coming across as very dramatic and needy given that this isn't life-threatening. I expected her to say she has a 50% survival chance. Post on Facebook if you really want some well wishers responding, but expecting anything above and beyond that is extremely high maintenance.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 15:00     Subject: Ghosted by friends after surgery
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you being a drama Queen?


Am I? What drama? I asked a question. Where's the drama?


NP. The drama is you, here, posting multiple times, rather than sending a group text or updating facebook to let everyone know how you are doing and that you'd love to chat. My assumption would be that someone who just had major surgery would reach out if they were up for it, and might not want their phone pinging during times they were resting.


It's actually been a fun and interesting social experiment to see how people are. I've totally enjoyed my post on DCUM honestly....thanks for helping me pass time this weekend!
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 14:58     Subject: Re:Ghosted by friends after surgery
Right or wrong, I wouldn't be all that consumed with checking on a friend who had an elective surgery to address what sounds like a normal wear-and-tear type of injury. Chemo, radiation, surgery on a major organ, sure.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 14:56     Subject: Ghosted by friends after surgery
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you being a drama Queen?


Am I? What drama? I asked a question. Where's the drama?


NP. The drama is you, here, posting multiple times, rather than sending a group text or updating facebook to let everyone know how you are doing and that you'd love to chat. My assumption would be that someone who just had major surgery would reach out if they were up for it, and might not want their phone pinging during times they were resting.


DP. The beauty of texting as you can reach out and the other person can decide if they want to follow up with a call or not. It doesn’t cost anything to text someone saying you hope they are OK, you’re thinking of them, and you are available if they want to chat. In other words, show that you are thinking of them and wishing them well, as opposed to making it seem like you have forgotten about them or don’t care enough to reach out.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 14:55     Subject: Ghosted by friends after surgery
Anonymous wrote:I’m genuinely sorry, and I wish you a full recovery. If you need anything, please reach out.

But, I’m sorry—which friend are you and which problem do you have, again?

Are you my coworker whose husband recently committed suicide, or are you my college friend whose teenage son was recently evaluated at the hospital because of suicidal ideation?

Are you my neighbor whose wife recently died of lung cancer, or are you my neighbor who just had a hip replacement?

Are you my aunt and uncle who just lost their jobs and are hastily selling their home and relocating, or are you my uncle who just got out of the hospital from COVID complications?

Are you my friend whose kid has a nasty stomach bug and at the same time has severe arthritis herself, or are you my friend whose father just died?

If all I did was check in on friends, family and neighbors who were going through stuff, it would be all I did all day. And by the way, I’m going through some stuff of my own.


Well as your friend, I would be on your doorstep with a Starbucks or cookies and do a dropoff.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 14:54     Subject: Ghosted by friends after surgery
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you being a drama Queen?


Am I? What drama? I asked a question. Where's the drama?


NP. The drama is you, here, posting multiple times, rather than sending a group text or updating facebook to let everyone know how you are doing and that you'd love to chat. My assumption would be that someone who just had major surgery would reach out if they were up for it, and might not want their phone pinging during times they were resting.


Thank you for your opinion!
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2021 13:48     Subject: Ghosted by friends after surgery
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you being a drama Queen?


Am I? What drama? I asked a question. Where's the drama?


NP. The drama is you, here, posting multiple times, rather than sending a group text or updating facebook to let everyone know how you are doing and that you'd love to chat. My assumption would be that someone who just had major surgery would reach out if they were up for it, and might not want their phone pinging during times they were resting.