Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 21:00     Subject: Would you rather be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Nope.

Even if I won the lottery tomorrow, I'd work. Maybe not my current job but definitely something in my field. I love having it as part of my identity and the way I use my mind and my personality to get stuff done.


+1. I’ve always believed children can learn from others - siblings, group care, grandparents. When I’ve been home for long stretches with my kids, I’ve felt we were all stifled. My kids have enjoyed group care. The idea of staying home to make lunch and play all day would get very boring for me. I love using my intelligence and skills towards a larger common goal. I believe in my workplace’s mission. It’s fulfilling work.

I do have a very flexible job. I’m at all the school functions, doctor visits, and games. I wouldn’t want to work 60 hours a week. And I really would hate to have DH work 60 or more hours a week. He’s my favorite person. My working gives him the flexibility to work a job he loves that permits so much time at home. Only seeing him late at night and part time on weekends would suck.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 20:35     Subject: Would you rather be a SAHM?
No, I would not. I knew from the time I was a child being a SAHM was not for me though I grew up with a SAHM and from a culture where it's pretty much expected. I just knew it wasn't for me. I'm glad that we have a choice.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 20:20     Subject: Would you rather be a SAHM?
Absolutely not. Probably because I work FT but my schedule is totally flexible and I have no boss, so I don’t feel my kids miss out on having a SAHP. I was able to WAH when they were little and be with them during COVID. Due to those experiences, though, I know I would not enjoy being a SAHP. In my experience it means subsiding your identity and life to your kids’ lives. I feel I have more to offer personally when there is a balance between my life and theirs.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 20:12     Subject: Re:Would you rather be a SAHM?
I have ES kids and work part time, NOT during school hours.

I homeschool one child who has a normal IQ, but some other special needs, who did amazingly well at home during the pandemic.
The other kids go to school, and I drive them back and forth and am there for stuff during school and available during random days off and over the summer.

And two evenings a week, I leave the kiddos with DH, and he takes care of homework and dinner and running everyone to activities.

I like my work. I like the fact that DH has to take care of the kids on his own. The money isn’t really needed, but it’s good.

What I don’t like:
1). Sometimes it’s hard for me to coordinate vacation with DH so that we can all go out of town together.
2). I sometimes have to go to meetings during the day, when nearly everyone else in my department is working, and I feel like I have to schedule my whole day around attending them.
3). Sometimes I can’t sleep because I am worried I may have made a mistake at work.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 20:02     Subject: Would you rather be a SAHM?
I love working but wish I didn’t have to work 40 hours per week since my husband works 60-80, leaving all house stuff on me. Part time would be ideal. Sadly not an option in my field. I stayed at home for several years and, while I do love childcare and domestic tasks, doing solely that was lacking for me. I feel like there was a lot of focus in childhood on what career to choose, and I then spent 4 years in college, and another 6 getting a PhD. It felt empty to just be at home after a lifetime of preparing for a career.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 17:53     Subject: Re:Would you rather be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Only if my kids are in school at least part time and I don’t have to cut back on lifestyle. I could definitely not stay home with my 2 and 4 year old without any childcare. But I do really wish I worked part time and could take them out individually on one on one outings regularly. But it wouldn’t be possible w my job so it is what it is


Age of kids makes a big difference!

SAHM with a baby under 18 months -- easy, fun, especially if you like alone time. I loved this.

SAHM with 2-4 yr old -- absolutely exhausting even when fun, terrible if you like alone time, good like completing sentences or thoughts or even basic tasks around the house! SAHMs with two under age 4 are WORKING about as hard at a person can work. It's physically and emotionally draining. This is something you do because you are really committed to time with kids or, in my case, a pandemic shuts down your daycare and then also makes your preschool go virtual and it takes you six months to find another situation. I would not choose this.

SAHM with school age kids -- I assume this is easier than the 2-4 year old because of school and kids are more independent. But still not as quiet and chill as being a SAHM with a baby. I think doing this is largely dependent on the kind of kids you have and your personality. I imagine the experiences vary quite a bit. I'd do this if we were independently wealthy, and I spend some of the time while they were at school to work on passion projects, like writing short stories or taking art classes.


Haha! I feel this - I have a 2 yo and a 4 yo and while I daydream about all the fun adventures we would have, after the weekend I’m like holy s I could not do this without part time preschool! I’d also love to have 1 on 1 time because they’re always fighting for attention and I always feel like I’m not giving enough
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 17:50     Subject: Would you rather be a SAHM?
I WFH about 30 hours a week. I make a nice salary with good benefits amd have about 8 weeks off a year. It’s perfect for me
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 17:49     Subject: Would you rather be a SAHM?
I have a somewhat seasonal job and ideally I would love for that job to be year round. It’s something I love doing and it’s flexible. I have ADHD and have failed at many jobs before this one, so I just stay home during the off season months.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 17:17     Subject: Would you rather be a SAHM?
I’d only SAH if we were wealthy enough to outsource most household chores and I could spend my time pursuing hobbies, volunteering, lunching with friends, etc. That is not in the cards so I’ll happily work FT.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 17:01     Subject: Would you rather be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:We FIREd so we're both "retired" in a way.

I SAHM and he left his demanding, high paying job for a "fun" job after he his his retirement number. We both have a ton of flexibility so no one gets jealous. He takes every Friday afternoon off to play golf, for instance.



What is FiRE???

Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 16:35     Subject: Re:Would you rather be a SAHM?
Nope. I could if I wanted. I don't want to. I love working. And I'm able to be a better parent to my kids because I'm not a full time parent.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 16:28     Subject: Would you rather be a SAHM?
Only if I were independently wealthy (like, really wealthy). I always want to have access to my own source of money.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 16:19     Subject: Re:Would you rather be a SAHM?
No, never. I worked so hard for my advanced degrees with the dream of doing what I do. We did make concessions and careful career/school planning so I could be home with our only child from birth to one, then she was at a great daycare at the university for just five hours a day while I finished my doctorate. When I graduated when she was three, DH retired from his LO career and when back to get his doctorate so his hours were flexible and he could get her at preschool at 3PM everyday. By the time she was in elementary school, DH went to work full time.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 16:15     Subject: Would you rather be a SAHM?
I work FT and no, I don’t want to be a SAHM. In large part, that’s because my overly educated self has a unicorn of a job: stable, reasonably paid, meaningful, challenging, and rarely more than 40 hours/week. If I had to work a ton of hours or despised what I did, it would be different, probably.
Anonymous
Post 09/10/2021 16:14     Subject: Re:Would you rather be a SAHM?
No. Have the best of both possible worlds by always working from home. We have a brilliant, loving, former teacher nanny who has a skill set (crafts, teaching, sensory, etc) I just don’t possess. But being home I’m still able to EBF for as long as my kids wanted and am there for lunch and milestones. And no commute.