Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Not a teacher, but it's both screens and the onslaught of a everything having to be organized and scheduled for kids thsee days. They don't know what to do left to their own devices because they're being constantly "entertained" with screens and/or activities.

Won’t they all just figure it out of they have to? This isn’t something i would worry about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Not a teacher, but it's both screens and the onslaught of an everything having to be organized and scheduled for kids thsee days. They don't know what to do left to their own devices because they're being constantly "entertained" with screens and/or activities.

And, yet here you are on your device. Too bad you have no life long hobbies.

I'm partipating in a thread and responded to a comment. From that, you got that I'm on a device all the time? No one should be on a screen all the time, especially kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Sounds like what OP wanted too, but there’s no one around for her kids to free play with. So you are back to square one.

It depends on the neighborhood. We used to live in a lower SES neighborhood that had a lot of apartments and townhouses. There were always kids playing outside. Now we live in an area of single family homes that also cost more so not as many younger families. There are far fewer kids so less kids. If there are 100 kids in a townhouse community, you can find someone to play with. If there are only 10 kids in your neighborhood, the chance of the time you knock on door and kid available is a lot less.

The area around our elementary is full of walkers. The kids in that neighborhood play outside plenty. Much of the playing hangs out immediately after school with walkers. My kid used to ask me if he could stay to go to his friend’s house near the school. He still does the same now that he is in middle school.

My friend lives in Arlington and is also a walker. She said her kids have many friends who are walking distance and often play right after school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Sounds like what OP wanted too, but there’s no one around for her kids to free play with. So you are back to square one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Not a teacher, but it's both screens and the onslaught of an everything having to be organized and scheduled for kids thsee days. They don't know what to do left to their own devices because they're being constantly "entertained" with screens and/or activities.

And, yet here you are on your device. Too bad you have no life long hobbies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Not a teacher, but it's both screens and the onslaught of a everything having to be organized and scheduled for kids thsee days. They don't know what to do left to their own devices because they're being constantly "entertained" with screens and/or activities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Yes, I'm sure the YouYube watchers are really going to take over in the next generation. I've seen the crap my kids watch and it's not going to make them into problem solvers. On the contrary, the YouTube and video gamers have no idea what to do when they are bored because they are addicted to screens and need to be entertained every second. They can't even go out to dinner with their family without needing a device because it's "boring". People now hand babies in strollers phones to scroll lest they be bored for a second. So, spare us your observations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

That's what I was saying. It doesn't hurt a kid to hear no and it helps kids hace a better balance.

Everyone has such a different perspective. I would think a kid who does well in school, plays a few sports, speaks another language and plays an instrument would be a well balanced kid.

I think you're referring to what some ppl call well rounded. I don't think kids need all of these activities for that, but that could probably be another debate. I was referring to kids having a better balance with their time.

I think the kid could be both well balanced and well rounded. My oldest is ambitious and wants to go to an ivy for college. He does a ton. I wish he were back in elementary where people like OP may think he is over scheduled. If you think those kids are over scheduled in elementary, wait until they are in high school.

My youngest gets the short end of the stick because older siblings often get priority.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.

New poster here With the middle schoolers I've worked with, there is a difference in teamwork and problem solving ability among

-kids left to play video games and watch YouTube vs -kids who got lots of unstructured time with other kids vs
-kids always in sports and structured activities rather than free play.

From what I've witnessed, the free play angle with a few activities is where I'm aiming my family. All structured grown-up led activities like sports teams doesn't give kids enough agency to solve problems or figure out what to do when they're bored.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

That's what I was saying. It doesn't hurt a kid to hear no and it helps kids hace a better balance.

Everyone has such a different perspective. I would think a kid who does well in school, plays a few sports, speaks another language and plays an instrument would be a well balanced kid.

I think you're referring to what some ppl call well rounded. I don't think kids need all of these activities for that, but that could probably be another debate. I was referring to kids having a better balance with their time.

Right the alternative is to say no to them and let them hang out on video games.

Or limit the video games?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

That's what I was saying. It doesn't hurt a kid to hear no and it helps kids hace a better balance.

Everyone has such a different perspective. I would think a kid who does well in school, plays a few sports, speaks another language and plays an instrument would be a well balanced kid.

I think you're referring to what some ppl call well rounded. I don't think kids need all of these activities for that, but that could probably be another debate. I was referring to kids having a better balance with their time.

Right the alternative is to say no to them and let them hang out on video games.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

If you cannot understand what kids gain from it, then you really shouldn't be a tutor giving advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

That's what I was saying. It doesn't hurt a kid to hear no and it helps kids hace a better balance.

Everyone has such a different perspective. I would think a kid who does well in school, plays a few sports, speaks another language and plays an instrument would be a well balanced kid.

I think you're referring to what some ppl call well rounded. I don't think kids need all of these activities for that, but that could probably be another debate. I was referring to kids having a better balance with their time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

That's what I was saying. It doesn't hurt a kid to hear no and it helps kids hace a better balance.

Everyone has such a different perspective. I would think a kid who does well in school, plays a few sports, speaks another language and plays an instrument would be a well balanced kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

All of this. So many parents groan when they hear how busy my DD is (by her choice) ... but it's always like "oh I could never" or "that sounds awful to have to drive her there" and so on. It's so self serving and I don't think they realize it's telling me all I need to know about their parenting. I always respond "sure, it's not fun for me, but she loves it and that's what matters to me"

You are setting your kid up to be a bad parent if you give in to all the demands for activities because it sets an example of extreme behavior. Martyrs are not role models. Good parents set reasonable limits. Good parents also resist the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. And as a former tutor, I have seen that the kids who struggle the most in school are the ones who are signed up for excessive actvities, leaving no time for adequate rest and study. One sport plus one instrument is fine for a kid who goes to normal school.

What do kids really gain from 6 hrs of school plus 2 sports plus 1 instrument plus 1 foreign language plus children's theater etc.? Youd be better off homeschooling if you think the enrichment activities are as important as (or more important than) the 3 Rs.

I don’t see where PP indicated at all that she gives in to “extreme behavior”. What an exaggeration! Acknowledging the activity isn’t fun for mom isn’t the same thing as being a martyr. And just because you want to settle at one sport doesn’t mean that’s the answer for every kid. It is what works for you and your family, but you aren’t the standard everyone needs to go by.

PP here, exactly. And her activity is what makes her happy! She says it’s one of her happy places and she also gifted at it. We still get plenty of quality time together. Some kids thrive off of being busy, some don’t. But what I’m NOT going to do is tell her she can’t do something that makes her happy because I don’t want to drive her there or wait in my car.