OP here - it's funny to see this thread revived here almost a year and a half after I posted it. It's funny about a year after I posted this, I actually did make a few "mom friends" at my kids' school, and then we moved away and the one mom I've spent more than 3 minutes talking to so far told me how super cliquey everyone in this area is.

So...what I've decided is that I'm not even going to bother with the moms here. We're new. We'll host playdates (my kids are older ES now, so parents are likely to just drop them off), I'll volunteer if I have time, but I'm not going to actively try to make myself friends and I'm definitely not going to befriend anyone on social media!

I've also slowly started unfriending casual acquaintances from my old area since I was never really friends with them, and don't really care anymore what they are up to.

I'm trying to be healthier about it, I guess. With that, I hope we can close this thread down!

There is one group of moms who seem very loud and kind of obnoxious. They are SAHMs and definitely a clique. Thankfully their kids are in different grades and I don’t have to deal with them.

I have my own friends and we also hang out but we just hang outside of school quietly. I don’t need others to know what we are doing.

My oldest is now in high school. There are kids who like to be loud and seen. My kid hangs out with friends and doesn’t need to tell others or post pictures on social media.

We are always polite and civil to everyone at school, but as parents our social lives are elsewhere. This helps us mentally, I think, because we live in an old house in a wrong neighborhood and drive old boring cars (Ford). We also do not have time to even read social media, so we have no idea what anyone might post there. My only suggestion is that one look for friends in one’s neighborhood, at temple, or other places outside schools…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes they are everywhere. Just do your best to focus on other areas as best you can, and be friendly to all.

(And yes, it sucks. I'm frequently the one on the outside, despite being involved in lots of activities with all of them.)

OP here - this is me. I know them, our kids are friends, I just don't live in the cool neighborhood, so I am not one of them, nor will I ever be.

Well, in my case I do live in the cool neighborhood and I'm not one of them.

+1

It is absolutely rude to talk or boast about events where others aren’t included. We teach our kids not to discuss parties at school when other kids aren’t invited. But then grown women feel the need to post what they do every evening. It is rude. 30 years ago, if a friend asked you what you did last Saturday and you had done something where they weren’t included (but could have been), you would say something vague or mention the location but not who you were with. In person, that’s still what you would do. But something happens on social media where these women don’t understand that it’s still rude to say, oh we invited everyone on our street except you! It is rude, no way around it. It’s also very insecure behavior. Why do you need to broadcast these nights out? Share with those who went!

I have one in elementary and two in middle school. I have never noticed mom cliques. No one even gets out of their car at drop off. Sure people have friends they tend to socialize with at school events, me included. But I’ve never felt excluded or like I couldn’t go up and talk or join in any of the other pockets of people. I’ve been to PTA too, seemed welcoming enough. But they don’t do anything I’ve found beneficial enough to be worth my time. Just my opinion and nothing to do with cliques. It sounds like there are a lot of high school insecurities that are projected when women see other women talking

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our school the clique-y moms are the SAHMs and they generally look down on any women who work. They schedule things during work hours as a way of excluding some kids. Last year we were at a private school where nearly all the families were dual income families (probably to pay for said school haha) and had none of this nonsense. Now we are in public school and it’s been the weirdest thing to observe.

You may be right, but take it from a former SAHM...they are scheduling things during work hours because they are going nuts at home with their kids and are the verge of mental illness.

PP here. Well, you do have options and I can tell you the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

These moms have said things like “oh this is Larla, she’s a doctorrrrrrr” in a mocking sing song-y voice. I never mention my career unless asked. And when I pointed out an end of the school year party for the entire grade during work hours might be hard for some, I got met with “well, we can’t include everyone, ya know?” But it was literally sent out as something for the entire grade. I’m seriously considering going back to our private school where none of this nonsense existed, probably because we were all in the same boat. It’s like some of these moms get off on making other moms (and kids!!) feel left out. It’s so gross.

I’m a SAHM and am the hang out house. I have kids over all the time. Most of the parents work.

I do prefer socializing when kids are in school but that is because it is harder to coordinate when kids are out of school. I have 3 kids in sports and activities.

This thread is funny - it’s always somewhat jarring to me when I know someone in person, and then we get connected on social media and I discover they’re the kind of person who posts constantly / is all forced and fake and, for lack of a better word, basic, with their online presence. I try not to judge but honestly kind of do…even though I know it comes from a place of insecurity and hoping they look cool and popular to other people. It’s just a very middle school thing to do, so it’s weird to see middle aged moms being so tryhard

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like grade school.

Why is this thread revived?

Because it’s a new school year and cliques are getting revved up post-summer?

Asssholes be asssholes.
They can suck my &$#@((=/;,!!!

Sounds like grade school.

Why is this thread revived?

Anonymous wrote:Do theeey talk lyyike theiiiis?

Oh hey girl heeey. Luvvv yore sliiiides.

*smiling*

And then you walk up and say hi, and they don’t respond and frown.

Do theeey talk lyyike theiiiis?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our school the clique-y moms are the SAHMs and they generally look down on any women who work. They schedule things during work hours as a way of excluding some kids. Last year we were at a private school where nearly all the families were dual income families (probably to pay for said school haha) and had none of this nonsense. Now we are in public school and it’s been the weirdest thing to observe.

You may be right, but take it from a former SAHM...they are scheduling things during work hours because they are going nuts at home with their kids and are the verge of mental illness.

PP here. Well, you do have options and I can tell you the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

These moms have said things like “oh this is Larla, she’s a doctorrrrrrr” in a mocking sing song-y voice. I never mention my career unless asked. And when I pointed out an end of the school year party for the entire grade during work hours might be hard for some, I got met with “well, we can’t include everyone, ya know?” But it was literally sent out as something for the entire grade. I’m seriously considering going back to our private school where none of this nonsense existed, probably because we were all in the same boat. It’s like some of these moms get off on making other moms (and kids!!) feel left out. It’s so gross.

I'm sure you know the "She's a doctorrrr" thing is a manifestation of their own insecurity.
End of the year parties, I thought, occur on the last day of school or close to it. During school hours. We just had ours and most of the parents (both sexes) took a PTO day from their jobs to help.
Only go back to the private school if you feel it was a better education, not for your social life. I am currently moving my children and I am feeling sick to my stomach because I will probably be losing dear friends or at least not seeing them as often. And I have no illusions that I will make new friends at the private school or become part of a warm close-knit community. I am doing it purely because the education will be better for the kids.

PP here. This was a non school event that was organized by the clique-y moms for a couple days after school let out. During work hours.

Well, that time doesn't work for you. And the weekend isn't going to work for someone else, and weeknights are bad because of practice. Wash, rinse, repeat. You can't please everyone. There is no time that would result in 100% attendance. Working parents that I know coordinate rides for their kids so they can make it to the party. Is that not an option?

Of course, but why would you schedule at a time when it doesn’t work for easily 30-50% of the families? At least pick a time that’s statistically more likely to include most.

So it works for 50-70% of families. Isn't that most?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our school the clique-y moms are the SAHMs and they generally look down on any women who work. They schedule things during work hours as a way of excluding some kids. Last year we were at a private school where nearly all the families were dual income families (probably to pay for said school haha) and had none of this nonsense. Now we are in public school and it’s been the weirdest thing to observe.

You may be right, but take it from a former SAHM...they are scheduling things during work hours because they are going nuts at home with their kids and are the verge of mental illness.

PP here. Well, you do have options and I can tell you the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

These moms have said things like “oh this is Larla, she’s a doctorrrrrrr” in a mocking sing song-y voice. I never mention my career unless asked. And when I pointed out an end of the school year party for the entire grade during work hours might be hard for some, I got met with “well, we can’t include everyone, ya know?” But it was literally sent out as something for the entire grade. I’m seriously considering going back to our private school where none of this nonsense existed, probably because we were all in the same boat. It’s like some of these moms get off on making other moms (and kids!!) feel left out. It’s so gross.

I'm sure you know the "She's a doctorrrr" thing is a manifestation of their own insecurity.
End of the year parties, I thought, occur on the last day of school or close to it. During school hours. We just had ours and most of the parents (both sexes) took a PTO day from their jobs to help.
Only go back to the private school if you feel it was a better education, not for your social life. I am currently moving my children and I am feeling sick to my stomach because I will probably be losing dear friends or at least not seeing them as often. And I have no illusions that I will make new friends at the private school or become part of a warm close-knit community. I am doing it purely because the education will be better for the kids.

PP here. This was a non school event that was organized by the clique-y moms for a couple days after school let out. During work hours.

Well, that time doesn't work for you. And the weekend isn't going to work for someone else, and weeknights are bad because of practice. Wash, rinse, repeat. You can't please everyone. There is no time that would result in 100% attendance. Working parents that I know coordinate rides for their kids so they can make it to the party. Is that not an option?

Of course, but why would you schedule at a time when it doesn’t work for easily 30-50% of the families? At least pick a time that’s statistically more likely to include most.

Why can’t you organize the event? Multiple years into a volunteer role no one wants. Do it or don’t complain. If you don’t do it, you’re benefiting from someone who is