Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 18:33     Subject: Re:Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
Anonymous wrote:A lot of men claim that the only thing that matters to them is looks, but

1. If they have the choice between a) hot, uneducated and unemployable, and b) hot, educated and employable, they will choose (b), and

2. If they do choose someone only for her looks, whenever they fight or the relationship hits a rough patch, they will call her stupid and accuse her of being a leech/gold digger. Men love their SAH wives when the money is flowing and all is going well; as soon as things get tough, they lose respect for her (or they are no longer able to hide that they did never did respect her).


The choice isn't one that DCUM type men will face.

If they have the choice between (a) hot, has a BA in English from Big State U, and works in a going-nowhere, not-paid-much job like paralegal, and (b) less hot, has a graduate degree and a well-paid career like lawyer -- then they will pick (a) because she is hotter, more pleasant and agreeable, and more likely to accept being a SAHM. The "advantage" of (b) is her career but he doesn't really care about that. And frankly, career women are disagreeable, argumentative PITA (see: everything every DCUM women posted in this forum ever) and who needs that?

As for your second paragraph, it's the usual career-woman cope that men want a women they "respect" and won't respect a hot, less-educated SAHM. Nope. In fact it is you (career women) who do not respect good-looking SAHMs and indulge in spiteful fantasies about their husbands abusing them. Men like these women just fine.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 18:22     Subject: Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:In my experience, men absolutely care. I am in my mid-40s. My brother married a Harvard PhD scientist. My ex husband married me...he had a threshold of income for a potential wife. Many men actually care a lot. For dating they don't, but for marriage, they do.


There is a difference between education and career

Hbs women alums sahm more than b school women alums from low tier schools

Where a woman goes to school matters to many high value men in the north east

But not necessarily if she has some bossbabe/girlboss career after it

It’s the signal of being a t20/t30 alum that’s valuable, not what you do with it



+1 there is a lot of cachet to education. Peers are impressed by the "has it all" SO who's bringing everything to the table. So there is a lot of social value to it. A lot of highly educated men marry their peers, even if they end up with the dominant career over time.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 18:17     Subject: Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
Anonymous wrote:A lot of successful men end up with attractive women that are equally educated and one step behind them in ambition—think of the law partners married to a fellow lawyer with a less intense law job. Or the exec married to someone who also is similarly educated but is one rung lower on the ladder who doesn’t want to move up.

That way there is still some professional understanding and all, but one partner is less career driven.


That doesn't mean they care about her career or married her for it.

Mainly it's proximity. Those are the women he meets every day. Too much work to find someone outside his work social circle.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 18:08     Subject: Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
Anonymous wrote:A lot of successful men end up with attractive women that are equally educated and one step behind them in ambition—think of the law partners married to a fellow lawyer with a less intense law job. Or the exec married to someone who also is similarly educated but is one rung lower on the ladder who doesn’t want to move up.

That way there is still some professional understanding and all, but one partner is less career driven.


This is the most common scenario in my circle. Another is the couple who went to HBS and they both started out as career peers but then his career took off so much that she elected to stay home with their 4 kids and manage their 3 homes, staff, and vacations.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 18:02     Subject: Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
A lot of successful men end up with attractive women that are equally educated and one step behind them in ambition—think of the law partners married to a fellow lawyer with a less intense law job. Or the exec married to someone who also is similarly educated but is one rung lower on the ladder who doesn’t want to move up.

That way there is still some professional understanding and all, but one partner is less career driven.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 17:27     Subject: Re:Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
A lot of men claim that the only thing that matters to them is looks, but


1. If they have the choice between a) hot, uneducated and unemployable, and b) hot, educated and employable, they will choose (b), and

2. If they do choose someone only for her looks, whenever they fight or the relationship hits a rough patch, they will call her stupid and accuse her of being a leech/gold digger. Men love their SAH wives when the money is flowing and all is going well; as soon as things get tough, they lose respect for her (or they are no longer able to hide that they did never did respect her).
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 17:16     Subject: Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
Anonymous wrote:In my experience, men absolutely care. I am in my mid-40s. My brother married a Harvard PhD scientist. My ex husband married me...he had a threshold of income for a potential wife. Many men actually care a lot. For dating they don't, but for marriage, they do.


There is a difference between education and career

Hbs women alums sahm more than b school women alums from low tier schools

Where a woman goes to school matters to many high value men in the north east

But not necessarily if she has some bossbabe/girlboss career after it

It’s the signal of being a t20/t30 alum that’s valuable, not what you do with it

Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 16:47     Subject: Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
In my experience, men absolutely care. I am in my mid-40s. My brother married a Harvard PhD scientist. My ex husband married me...he had a threshold of income for a potential wife. Many men actually care a lot. For dating they don't, but for marriage, they do.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 16:12     Subject: Re:Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Another elephant in the room: George Clooney married a woman 16 years younger than him. Not exactly age appropriate in this dcum gender egalitarian utopia is it.


I heard they were getting divorced?


Not a chance. He has political aspirations and she has an amazing pedigree.


He lives part time in lake como, he has zero shot running for high office in the us

That time has passed

Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 16:10     Subject: Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m a teacher, which is a profession that is routinely scorned on this site, and my dh doesn’t seem to care. He out-earns me, but we connect on a deep level. We’re friends and we have so much fun together.

I honestly do not think my husband views my career as a high school teacher as something embarrassing or less-than, though. I love my job and spend a great deal of time at home planning lessons, reading, and grading. I have overheard my husband boasting about an award I received and how good I am at my job. I am intelligent and well-read, and able to discuss politics and culture, etc, and my husband sometimes asks me to look over writing he does for his own (much higher paying) job. I don’t think my husband’s colleagues view me as less-than, either. Or maybe their wives are posting about me online, but I don’t care.

Yes, I’m physically attractive, but our marriage wouldn’t have lasted for so long if that was all he cared about. No, I don’t think he would have preferred a woman with a high status job who didn’t care about her personal appearance. DH and I run 10ks and half marathons together, and he doesn’t have much respect for couch potatoes (neither do I).

So in my case, my dh doesn’t care that I have a lower status job and he does appreciate value my interest in taking care of my body.

PS- I went to Harvard. Some people with jobs you consider to be low-status are intelligent.


NP. I think a DH who valued education would be very happy to have an educator as a spouse. It would indicate that you would value your child's education, also. I think men, who have professional degrees or Masters, would look to marry someone who has a college education.





Same. In fact, I lot of the younger associates I started out with in big law specifically preferred to date teachers. Among high warning men who are educated and value education, a teacher is high status.


💯
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 16:08     Subject: Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
Anonymous wrote:The thing is the tall, charming, successful men can find a woman who is both hot and has a career that matches his. It's not either/or.


He can find that, but he doesn’t want it.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 16:08     Subject: Re:Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Looks, age, fertility, hip size matter way more.


Yep

I didn’t think the last one mattered much (I was always into skinny girls) but I started dating a skinny girl with wider hips than some of my exes and I can naturally feel myself into her more than my exes who were just as skinny but slimmer hips

Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 16:07     Subject: Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
The thing is the tall, charming, successful men can find a woman who is both hot and has a career that matches his. It's not either/or.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 16:01     Subject: Re:Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
Absolutely not. Looks, age, fertility, hip size matter way more.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 16:00     Subject: Do men really not care about a woman’s career?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m a teacher, which is a profession that is routinely scorned on this site, and my dh doesn’t seem to care. He out-earns me, but we connect on a deep level. We’re friends and we have so much fun together.

I honestly do not think my husband views my career as a high school teacher as something embarrassing or less-than, though. I love my job and spend a great deal of time at home planning lessons, reading, and grading. I have overheard my husband boasting about an award I received and how good I am at my job. I am intelligent and well-read, and able to discuss politics and culture, etc, and my husband sometimes asks me to look over writing he does for his own (much higher paying) job. I don’t think my husband’s colleagues view me as less-than, either. Or maybe their wives are posting about me online, but I don’t care.

Yes, I’m physically attractive, but our marriage wouldn’t have lasted for so long if that was all he cared about. No, I don’t think he would have preferred a woman with a high status job who didn’t care about her personal appearance. DH and I run 10ks and half marathons together, and he doesn’t have much respect for couch potatoes (neither do I).

So in my case, my dh doesn’t care that I have a lower status job and he does appreciate value my interest in taking care of my body.

PS- I went to Harvard. Some people with jobs you consider to be low-status are intelligent.


NP. I think a DH who valued education would be very happy to have an educator as a spouse. It would indicate that you would value your child's education, also. I think men, who have professional degrees or Masters, would look to marry someone who has a college education.





Same. In fact, I lot of the younger associates I started out with in big law specifically preferred to date teachers. Among high warning men who are educated and value education, a teacher is high status.