Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 20:41     Subject: SAHMs that never return to workforce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is that uncommon, I think it is just less visible.

I have several friends in their 50s+ who never returned to work. My one caution to you is make sure you have your own interests and passions and ways to spend your time that isn't only centered on raising your family. Empty nest hits hard and can be hard on a marriage in some cases, but those who did well seemed to have interests of their own.

You may want to consider a post-nup agreement depending on the state you are in and community property rules. Have also seen women get hit hard during mid-life divorce on retirement accounts.


Fundamentally, you do what is best for you and your family. If this is what works, great! I'm glad you have the option to do that.

And, about +1000 on the bolded above. While you're not working outside the home, you should have your own retirement accounts and ensure that in the (hopefully) unlikely event of divorce, you are walking away with a monetary amount equivalent to the work you contributed.


+1 I was working a P/T, low-paying, but very fulfilling job when hit with a divorce. Husband got a very good lawyer, 50% custody (after calling his daughters a bunch of bit's, just like their mom) and he got away with a lot of *our* money. Secure your standing in writing, even when you think it could never happen to you.


Of course. Here is what all women (SAHM, low earning WOHMs, trophy wives) should be doing in a marriage.
- No prenup
- Hold all assets jointly and be beneficiary of all accounts
- Loads of life and disability insurance for both. Make sure that if your DH dies, you have enough to keep your house, retire, afford medical care, pay for your kid's college and wedding/first car/downpayment for home - without ever needing to go back to work
- Have access to all accounts, know what to do incase of death or disease of spouse, pay the bills, keep all papers together - in short - take care of your financial business.

All women should have, control, invest money of their own. Regardless of if this money was - earned, married into, gifted, inherited, won, stolen, found, bestowed upon etc.
LOL
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2022 20:39     Subject: Re:SAHMs that never return to workforce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Who cares what you do but call it what it is. If your kids are grown you are not a SAHM. You just don’t work.


I think raising children and running household is hard work and after two decades of it, a retirement is as okay as anyone else retiring after some other sort of work. If you can afford it, all the power to you. If you can afford it, live a little before aging limits or end you.


Well no unless you hire a maid to do everything for you. You aren’t retired you still do everything you did before.,, cook, clean, your still a mom, run errands. Do your not retired, your just unemployed.


Does that make you feel better about your own miserable existance? Then ok.

I am happily unemployed with no intention of ever looking for paid work. Life is wonderful. I have a cleaning lady too, even though now there is only two of us, but we have the money.


That sounds really good right now.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2022 10:21     Subject: SAHMs that never return to workforce?
Its sad minion mentality to tie their self-worth to hours billed.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2022 10:17     Subject: SAHMs that never return to workforce?
Anonymous wrote:If you are already in your 50's or 60's, you've done enough, forget what anyone else says or wants you to do, do as you please. Its your life, you should care less and give zero *ucks about judgmental jealous jerks.


AMEN.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2022 10:16     Subject: SAHMs that never return to workforce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is that uncommon, I think it is just less visible.

I have several friends in their 50s+ who never returned to work. My one caution to you is make sure you have your own interests and passions and ways to spend your time that isn't only centered on raising your family. Empty nest hits hard and can be hard on a marriage in some cases, but those who did well seemed to have interests of their own.

You may want to consider a post-nup agreement depending on the state you are in and community property rules. Have also seen women get hit hard during mid-life divorce on retirement accounts.


Fundamentally, you do what is best for you and your family. If this is what works, great! I'm glad you have the option to do that.

And, about +1000 on the bolded above. While you're not working outside the home, you should have your own retirement accounts and ensure that in the (hopefully) unlikely event of divorce, you are walking away with a monetary amount equivalent to the work you contributed.


+1 I was working a P/T, low-paying, but very fulfilling job when hit with a divorce. Husband got a very good lawyer, 50% custody (after calling his daughters a bunch of bit's, just like their mom) and he got away with a lot of *our* money. Secure your standing in writing, even when you think it could never happen to you.


Of course. Here is what all women (SAHM, low earning WOHMs, trophy wives) should be doing in a marriage.
- No prenup
- Hold all assets jointly and be beneficiary of all accounts
- Loads of life and disability insurance for both. Make sure that if your DH dies, you have enough to keep your house, retire, afford medical care, pay for your kid's college and wedding/first car/downpayment for home - without ever needing to go back to work
- Have access to all accounts, know what to do incase of death or disease of spouse, pay the bills, keep all papers together - in short - take care of your financial business.

All women should have, control, invest money of their own. Regardless of if this money was - earned, married into, gifted, inherited, won, stolen, found, bestowed upon etc.


All women should know where all the money is. I am a SAHM and I invest the money and know every bank account. It is shocking how even some working married friends I know let their husbands manage all their finances.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2022 10:15     Subject: SAHMs that never return to workforce?
This^. If someone's worth is tied to money, job, stilettos, botox beauty, appreciation or perceived social superiority, let them have it. No need to justify your life or your actions gor sake of someone else's reaction.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2022 10:10     Subject: SAHMs that never return to workforce?
🤫 Nobody is walking in your shoes nor anyone is going in your grave. You live YOUR life, you die YOUR death. DO AS YOU PLEASE. Let holier-than-thou people talk, gossip, judge, criticize and envy or whatever helps them feel a bit better about themselves. 😇
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2022 09:09     Subject: SAHMs that never return to workforce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Generally, if you are in a position to be a SAHP, you should be in a position to put away money every month (you should have put away a lot more when you were DINKs). By the time you are 40s/50s, you shouldn't need a make-work busy job.

If you aren't as prepared for retirement, that is a different story.


And it's not only retirement.

Does your family have life insurance. and most importantly, does your family have disability insurance. Catastrophes are especially destructive for one income families if these families don't have insurance to weather them.


+ 1

No woman should become a SAHM without huge amounts of insurance. I was extremely apprehensive becoming a SAHM from a well-paying WOHM job with benefits. I could relax only when we bought a boatload of insurance. We also bought a lot of our insurance in term life, and staggered it. Every few years, we drop some term life insurance amount, because DH has that much money in retirement etc. So even for borderline UMC families, insurance is a very affordable solution to peace of mind and of financial security.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2022 09:03     Subject: SAHMs that never return to workforce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is that uncommon, I think it is just less visible.

I have several friends in their 50s+ who never returned to work. My one caution to you is make sure you have your own interests and passions and ways to spend your time that isn't only centered on raising your family. Empty nest hits hard and can be hard on a marriage in some cases, but those who did well seemed to have interests of their own.

You may want to consider a post-nup agreement depending on the state you are in and community property rules. Have also seen women get hit hard during mid-life divorce on retirement accounts.


Fundamentally, you do what is best for you and your family. If this is what works, great! I'm glad you have the option to do that.

And, about +1000 on the bolded above. While you're not working outside the home, you should have your own retirement accounts and ensure that in the (hopefully) unlikely event of divorce, you are walking away with a monetary amount equivalent to the work you contributed.


+1 I was working a P/T, low-paying, but very fulfilling job when hit with a divorce. Husband got a very good lawyer, 50% custody (after calling his daughters a bunch of bit's, just like their mom) and he got away with a lot of *our* money. Secure your standing in writing, even when you think it could never happen to you.


Of course. Here is what all women (SAHM, low earning WOHMs, trophy wives) should be doing in a marriage.
- No prenup
- Hold all assets jointly and be beneficiary of all accounts
- Loads of life and disability insurance for both. Make sure that if your DH dies, you have enough to keep your house, retire, afford medical care, pay for your kid's college and wedding/first car/downpayment for home - without ever needing to go back to work
- Have access to all accounts, know what to do incase of death or disease of spouse, pay the bills, keep all papers together - in short - take care of your financial business.

All women should have, control, invest money of their own. Regardless of if this money was - earned, married into, gifted, inherited, won, stolen, found, bestowed upon etc.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2022 08:47     Subject: SAHMs that never return to workforce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Generally, if you are in a position to be a SAHP, you should be in a position to put away money every month (you should have put away a lot more when you were DINKs). By the time you are 40s/50s, you shouldn't need a make-work busy job.

If you aren't as prepared for retirement, that is a different story.


This is kind of the position I’m in. Everyone tells me to worry about my lack of earning potential and how I am in a financially precarious position. But how is that the case when I have a couple million dollars in diversified assets? (Marital but in my name) In the case of divorce I’m sure I’d get a job for the sake of the extra income even if it didn’t pay much, but right now if I were to get a job it would just be a hobby that disrupted family life. Neither I nor my husband wants that.

And yeah bad things could happen in a divorce or afterward but bad things can always happen, divorce or no.


I agree with much of what you wrote, but a couple of million dollars in diversified assets really isn’t a lot. Would you expect that to sustain you for decades without working? How would you cover your health insurance?


DP here. With a paid off home and an entry level job for expenses and health insurance? Yes, a few million would be fine.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2022 08:03     Subject: SAHMs that never return to workforce?
Anonymous wrote:Generally, if you are in a position to be a SAHP, you should be in a position to put away money every month (you should have put away a lot more when you were DINKs). By the time you are 40s/50s, you shouldn't need a make-work busy job.

If you aren't as prepared for retirement, that is a different story.


And it's not only retirement.

Does your family have life insurance. and most importantly, does your family have disability insurance. Catastrophes are especially destructive for one income families if these families don't have insurance to weather them.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2022 07:19     Subject: SAHMs that never return to workforce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Generally, if you are in a position to be a SAHP, you should be in a position to put away money every month (you should have put away a lot more when you were DINKs). By the time you are 40s/50s, you shouldn't need a make-work busy job.

If you aren't as prepared for retirement, that is a different story.


This is kind of the position I’m in. Everyone tells me to worry about my lack of earning potential and how I am in a financially precarious position. But how is that the case when I have a couple million dollars in diversified assets? (Marital but in my name) In the case of divorce I’m sure I’d get a job for the sake of the extra income even if it didn’t pay much, but right now if I were to get a job it would just be a hobby that disrupted family life. Neither I nor my husband wants that.

And yeah bad things could happen in a divorce or afterward but bad things can always happen, divorce or no.


I agree with much of what you wrote, but a couple of million dollars in diversified assets really isn’t a lot. Would you expect that to sustain you for decades without working? How would you cover your health insurance?
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2022 07:17     Subject: SAHMs that never return to workforce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Generally, if you are in a position to be a SAHP, you should be in a position to put away money every month (you should have put away a lot more when you were DINKs). By the time you are 40s/50s, you shouldn't need a make-work busy job.

If you aren't as prepared for retirement, that is a different story.


This is kind of the position I’m in. Everyone tells me to worry about my lack of earning potential and how I am in a financially precarious position. But how is that the case when I have a couple million dollars in diversified assets? (Marital but in my name) In the case of divorce I’m sure I’d get a job for the sake of the extra income even if it didn’t pay much, but right now if I were to get a job it would just be a hobby that disrupted family life. Neither I nor my husband wants that.

And yeah bad things could happen in a divorce or afterward but bad things can always happen, divorce or no.


Agree. If we split 50/50, I'd be OK. I'd probably have to move, but I'd probably downsize anyway if my kids were headed out of the house in a few years (and I only had them half the time) and I were single. I might get a PT job so I could contribute to a Roth.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2022 07:08     Subject: SAHMs that never return to workforce?
Anonymous wrote:Generally, if you are in a position to be a SAHP, you should be in a position to put away money every month (you should have put away a lot more when you were DINKs). By the time you are 40s/50s, you shouldn't need a make-work busy job.

If you aren't as prepared for retirement, that is a different story.


This is kind of the position I’m in. Everyone tells me to worry about my lack of earning potential and how I am in a financially precarious position. But how is that the case when I have a couple million dollars in diversified assets? (Marital but in my name) In the case of divorce I’m sure I’d get a job for the sake of the extra income even if it didn’t pay much, but right now if I were to get a job it would just be a hobby that disrupted family life. Neither I nor my husband wants that.

And yeah bad things could happen in a divorce or afterward but bad things can always happen, divorce or no.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2022 06:56     Subject: SAHMs that never return to workforce?
Generally, if you are in a position to be a SAHP, you should be in a position to put away money every month (you should have put away a lot more when you were DINKs). By the time you are 40s/50s, you shouldn't need a make-work busy job.

If you aren't as prepared for retirement, that is a different story.