Guaranteed she will find someone to sleep with her if you leave her. Many men like big women.

Some men like cankles! suck it up buttercup.

OP, are you simply looking for an excuse to cheat on your wife? If so, don't be a garbage human. Grow a pair of balls and tell her that you are superficial and want to bang someone hotter than her. If she leaves you, problem solved.

Just don't be one of those asshats who pretends you are staying "for the good of the kids." There is nothing good for kids in a household where Dad displays contempt and disrespect for Mom.

If you are still monogamous and truly care about her and her health rather than just her appearance, then you find a family counselor, make an appointment, and tell her that the two of you are going so that you can work out some things that you find it difficult to discuss on your own. And then do.

All the "wake up call" people...that sh%%4t doesn't work.

I'm afraid it has to come from her. How old are your kids? Can they stay alone in the house for half an hour? It could help if you just go for a romantic walk after dinner. Get some exercise and reconnect. If she feels good about herself, she might be more apt to make the changes

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:This is my nightmare as a man

Just don't get married. And if you feel like you might want to get married, read this board for an hour or so and it will cure you of those feelings very quickly, if not forever. it works for me.

If you want to see what your wife will look like when she’s older, take a look at her mother.

THIS! Mother’s appearance will reflect both genetics and ingrained attitudes about lifestyle and physical fitness, etc.

Meh. My facial features look like my mom’s, but that’s where the resemblance ends. We have very different body types.

+1

Op, I haven’t read all the comments, but I’ve seen enough of the ones shaming you and telling you that you are an a-hole for being upset about your wife being 40 lbs overweight.
First off- I am a woman. I think you are completely justified in being upset by this. I’m sure you have a lost all attraction to her. She is not taking care of herself and to you that feels like she doesn’t care about you or the marriage.
I understand how you feel.
I’m am going to guess that she is depressed and is self medicating through booze and food. She needs a therapist and you both need marriage counseling to figure out why in fact so depressed that she’s just giving up all self care.
All these people who are giving you suggestions of working out yourself and hoping she will magically just get with the program- I’m sure mean well- but if your wife is this far gone , I don’t think she gives a damn if you are in shape or not.

She needs a severe wake up call- so that she realizes it is not ok for her to just completely give up on taking care of herself. Not only does it make her less attractive - it’s actually really bad for her health. So she is not only neglecting you but also her children.
It’s hard to not be pissed off and feel like your wife has just given up- but like I said, something is wrong and this is how she is dealing with it. Unfortunately the side effects of too much food and booze is a lot of extra weight gain.
I do think you need to confront her- but carefully.

Maybe saY you are concerned about her health, the amount she is drinking and that you feel a disconnect.
If she just ignores you she refuses to get help.. we’ll then that’s when more serious talks need to take place. I think a lot of marriages deal with this. You aren’t alone i feeling this way. But I do not agree with people telling you to just grin and bear it- it’s a problem that needs confronting.

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Anonymous wrote:Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

True, but being mildly overweight is associated with better health.

You don’t know where OPs wife started.

If she’s 5’2” and started at 100 lbs, and is now 140lbs, she is barely overweight. To be obese, she would have had to be overweight to start with.

Huh? At 5'2" that is about 30 pounds overweight.

No. 135 pounds is a normal BMI at 5 foot two. Look it up.

Overweight starts at 136. https://www.bmi-chart.info/

Not that I need a chart to tell me a 5'2" woman is overweight at 140. And women that short do NOT carry that weight well at all.

The BMI standard is really quite forgiving. My wife is 5'6" and 120. I remember when she was mid pregnancy and got up to 140. She was... a big girl. I can't imagine someone 5'2" thinking they're any semblance of healthy at that weight. Wife felt HUGE at 140.

I’m 5’6 and 180 and not that overweight

You are at least 40 pounds overweight.

No. If you look at a BMI calculator, people who are 5”6 are considered normal weight until 154 pounds. 155 pounds at 5”6 is a BMI of 25 which is where the “overweight” category begins. So the PP is about 25 pounds overweight. Not 40.

And if you look at a woman who is 5'6" and 154, she looks fat. Because she is. She should be 130 or 140 at most. If her genetics blessed her with a really big butt and huge breasts, you can spot her another 10 pounds, but that's it. "Not that overweight" at 180?? Yeah, OK.

"Should be" according to... you? You're messed up. Hope you don't have daughters.

These women are 5'6" and and 155. You really they're fat? You are messed. Up.

https://app.mybodygallery.com/#/?height=168&weight=73

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

True, but being mildly overweight is associated with better health.

You don’t know where OPs wife started.

If she’s 5’2” and started at 100 lbs, and is now 140lbs, she is barely overweight. To be obese, she would have had to be overweight to start with.

Huh? At 5'2" that is about 30 pounds overweight.

No. 135 pounds is a normal BMI at 5 foot two. Look it up.

Overweight starts at 136. https://www.bmi-chart.info/

Not that I need a chart to tell me a 5'2" woman is overweight at 140. And women that short do NOT carry that weight well at all.

The BMI standard is really quite forgiving. My wife is 5'6" and 120. I remember when she was mid pregnancy and got up to 140. She was... a big girl. I can't imagine someone 5'2" thinking they're any semblance of healthy at that weight. Wife felt HUGE at 140.

I’m 5’6 and 180 and not that overweight

You are at least 40 pounds overweight.

No. If you look at a BMI calculator, people who are 5”6 are considered normal weight until 154 pounds. 155 pounds at 5”6 is a BMI of 25 which is where the “overweight” category begins. So the PP is about 25 pounds overweight. Not 40.

And if you look at a woman who is 5'6" and 154, she looks fat. Because she is. She should be 130 or 140 at most. If her genetics blessed her with a really big butt and huge breasts, you can spot her another 10 pounds, but that's it. "Not that overweight" at 180?? Yeah, OK.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

True, but being mildly overweight is associated with better health.

You don’t know where OPs wife started.

If she’s 5’2” and started at 100 lbs, and is now 140lbs, she is barely overweight. To be obese, she would have had to be overweight to start with.

Huh? At 5'2" that is about 30 pounds overweight.

No. 135 pounds is a normal BMI at 5 foot two. Look it up.

Overweight starts at 136. https://www.bmi-chart.info/

Not that I need a chart to tell me a 5'2" woman is overweight at 140. And women that short do NOT carry that weight well at all.

The BMI standard is really quite forgiving. My wife is 5'6" and 120. I remember when she was mid pregnancy and got up to 140. She was... a big girl. I can't imagine someone 5'2" thinking they're any semblance of healthy at that weight. Wife felt HUGE at 140.

I’m 5’6 and 180 and not that overweight

You are at least 40 pounds overweight.

No. If you look at a BMI calculator, people who are 5”6 are considered normal weight until 154 pounds. 155 pounds at 5”6 is a BMI of 25 which is where the “overweight” category begins. So the PP is about 25 pounds overweight. Not 40.

Anonymous wrote:If your oldest can babysit, start by going on walks together each evening to discuss how your day went and future plans. Don't make it an excercise event for the sake of exercise.

Seriously?
As someone who weighs 40 lbs more than I did on my wedding day, I find these suggestions insulting. Do you really think that a woman who is a size 10 or 12 doesn't regularly walk? Come on. No wonder there are such ridiculous stereotypes that overweight people are lazy.

If your oldest can babysit, start by going on walks together each evening to discuss how your day went and future plans. Don't make it an excercise event for the sake of exercise.

As a woman, I’m wondering why the husband didn’t say anything all this while. She didn’t get to be this way overnight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my nightmare as a man

Just don't get married. And if you feel like you might want to get married, read this board for an hour or so and it will cure you of those feelings very quickly, if not forever. it works for me.

If you want to see what your wife will look like when she’s older, take a look at her mother.

THIS! Mother’s appearance will reflect both genetics and ingrained attitudes about lifestyle and physical fitness, etc.

Meh. My facial features look like my mom’s, but that’s where the resemblance ends. We have very different body types.

There are exceptions to every rules.

Is she depressed