Anonymous wrote:The thing is, SAHP duties and work duties are not exactly equivalent. For instance, the working spouse doesn't have two hours of downtime each day while the child naps. SAH work can be tedious and hard (babies/little kids are tiring!), but is not as constantly demanding as working outside the home, commuting etc. It is reasonable for your husband to expect you to handle simple dinners during the week. At least most of the time--maybe he brings home dinner once a week and on request whenever you're having a particularly rough day. But, in turn, he should be fully co-parenting when he gets home from work. Just my opinion about a reasonable balance of responsibilities. In the end, you do need to figure out the best way to be a team. Sit down and talk about it. If you find yourselves at opposite extremes, figure out a compromise. If you're feeling resentful about the whole arrangement, revisit it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing is, SAHP duties and work duties are not exactly equivalent. For instance, the working spouse doesn't have two hours of downtime each day while the child naps. SAH work can be tedious and hard (babies/little kids are tiring!), but is not as constantly demanding as working outside the home, commuting etc. It is reasonable for your husband to expect you to handle simple dinners during the week. At least most of the time--maybe he brings home dinner once a week and on request whenever you're having a particularly rough day. But, in turn, he should be fully co-parenting when he gets home from work. Just my opinion about a reasonable balance of responsibilities. In the end, you do need to figure out the best way to be a team. Sit down and talk about it. If you find yourselves at opposite extremes, figure out a compromise. If you're feeling resentful about the whole arrangement, revisit it!

I worked in an office. Long hours often no lunch break. I came home cooked dinner, did laundry and I cleaned the house on the weekends. Then I quit work to SAH with my first born. Staying home with an infant kicked my butt. He had colic and was up every 2 hours. I can not even begin to describe the level of pure exhaustion..

When I worked I had my quiet times where I knew that I could count on having time to think and focus on the work in front of me. Staying at home with a baby means that you are on their schedule . On paper it looks like you get an awful lot of down time. In reality you are exhausted from being "on" all the time. Couldn't call in sick, couldn't take a day off. When my 2nd came along I was lucky to get a shower in. Thankfully my husband "got it" and was willing to help out with the cooking as needed.

Anonymous wrote:The thing is, SAHP duties and work duties are not exactly equivalent. For instance, the working spouse doesn't have two hours of downtime each day while the child naps. SAH work can be tedious and hard (babies/little kids are tiring!), but is not as constantly demanding as working outside the home, commuting etc. It is reasonable for your husband to expect you to handle simple dinners during the week. At least most of the time--maybe he brings home dinner once a week and on request whenever you're having a particularly rough day. But, in turn, he should be fully co-parenting when he gets home from work. Just my opinion about a reasonable balance of responsibilities. In the end, you do need to figure out the best way to be a team. Sit down and talk about it. If you find yourselves at opposite extremes, figure out a compromise. If you're feeling resentful about the whole arrangement, revisit it!

Anonymous wrote:A block of cheese, a loaf of bread, some vegetables, yogurt, dried beans and tofu....hmmm. Just try to feed teenage boys off of that list - hahaha.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, if we want to get back to some practical advice for op ...

You said you hate meal planning and shopping. Ok, I get it, I really do. But there are some things you can do to minimize this pain and still have a decent amount of food in the house.

I have a general weekly shipping list. It goes something like:
- 1 loaf of bread
- a package of sliced sandwich meat
- lettuce, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and a 3-pack of bell peppers for salad
- 5-7 cooking vegetables: broccoli, squash, asparagus, whatever else looks good at the store
- milk
- block of cheddar cheese
- yogurt
- I buy meat in bulk and freeze, but otherwise would add a week's worth of meat here too

Then I keep a running list on the fridge for staples that are running low. Nearing the end of the rice? Add it to the list. Almost out of toothpaste? Same.

Every week, I run to the store - once per week - to buy whatever is on the list plus my weekly standards. If DH or anyone else runs out of something mid-week, it's your own damn fault for not putting it on the list when you got low. It took a few years, but they're all trained now . I takes an hour on the weekend - you or DH could do it. That's it - no other meal planning or shopping required.

With that, I can cobble a meal together - or DH can - at any time. I don't need to meal plan. I can if I want to (and add whatever to the list), but it isn't necessary. I can "cook from the fridge/pantry" all week, as long as there is a variety of meats, vegetables and grains around.

Getting home from work and having to go to the store cause there's no food around? Yeah, that sucks. But if there is at least a decent variety of ingredients, you could get a meal on the table quickly, without having to plan ahead, or he can throw something together when he gets home.

You must have no kids with a shopping list like this??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, if we want to get back to some practical advice for op ...

You said you hate meal planning and shopping. Ok, I get it, I really do. But there are some things you can do to minimize this pain and still have a decent amount of food in the house.

I have a general weekly shipping list. It goes something like:
- 1 loaf of bread
- a package of sliced sandwich meat
- lettuce, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and a 3-pack of bell peppers for salad
- 5-7 cooking vegetables: broccoli, squash, asparagus, whatever else looks good at the store
- milk
- block of cheddar cheese
- yogurt
- I buy meat in bulk and freeze, but otherwise would add a week's worth of meat here too

Then I keep a running list on the fridge for staples that are running low. Nearing the end of the rice? Add it to the list. Almost out of toothpaste? Same.

Every week, I run to the store - once per week - to buy whatever is on the list plus my weekly standards. If DH or anyone else runs out of something mid-week, it's your own damn fault for not putting it on the list when you got low. It took a few years, but they're all trained now . I takes an hour on the weekend - you or DH could do it. That's it - no other meal planning or shopping required.

With that, I can cobble a meal together - or DH can - at any time. I don't need to meal plan. I can if I want to (and add whatever to the list), but it isn't necessary. I can "cook from the fridge/pantry" all week, as long as there is a variety of meats, vegetables and grains around.

Getting home from work and having to go to the store cause there's no food around? Yeah, that sucks. But if there is at least a decent variety of ingredients, you could get a meal on the table quickly, without having to plan ahead, or he can throw something together when he gets home.

You must have no kids with a shopping list like this??

What about food for other meals? Milk, breakfast foods etc. snacks?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But on the bright side, with this attitude she'll probably end up divorced within 10 years, and then she never has to worry about cooking for him again. And no unequal division of labor, because everything divided by one is still everything.

That's probably exactly what she is hoping for. So she can get half her DH's assets along with his child support and possibly alimony.

Probably not. Child support and alimony aren't going to provide her with a more luxurious lifestyle than she's living now, which is what she ultimately seems to be after.

Ah, but you forget about the new Sugar Daddy she'll soon have after the divorce. The old husband will be paying for all the basics and the new guy will shower her with the luxury.

Who's going to marry some Diet Coke cracker eater with a kid?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, if we want to get back to some practical advice for op ...

You said you hate meal planning and shopping. Ok, I get it, I really do. But there are some things you can do to minimize this pain and still have a decent amount of food in the house.

I have a general weekly shipping list. It goes something like:
- 1 loaf of bread
- a package of sliced sandwich meat
- lettuce, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and a 3-pack of bell peppers for salad
- 5-7 cooking vegetables: broccoli, squash, asparagus, whatever else looks good at the store
- milk
- block of cheddar cheese
- yogurt
- I buy meat in bulk and freeze, but otherwise would add a week's worth of meat here too

Then I keep a running list on the fridge for staples that are running low. Nearing the end of the rice? Add it to the list. Almost out of toothpaste? Same.

Every week, I run to the store - once per week - to buy whatever is on the list plus my weekly standards. If DH or anyone else runs out of something mid-week, it's your own damn fault for not putting it on the list when you got low. It took a few years, but they're all trained now . I takes an hour on the weekend - you or DH could do it. That's it - no other meal planning or shopping required.

With that, I can cobble a meal together - or DH can - at any time. I don't need to meal plan. I can if I want to (and add whatever to the list), but it isn't necessary. I can "cook from the fridge/pantry" all week, as long as there is a variety of meats, vegetables and grains around.

Getting home from work and having to go to the store cause there's no food around? Yeah, that sucks. But if there is at least a decent variety of ingredients, you could get a meal on the table quickly, without having to plan ahead, or he can throw something together when he gets home.

You must have no kids with a shopping list like this??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But on the bright side, with this attitude she'll probably end up divorced within 10 years, and then she never has to worry about cooking for him again. And no unequal division of labor, because everything divided by one is still everything.

That's probably exactly what she is hoping for. So she can get half her DH's assets along with his child support and possibly alimony.

Probably not. Child support and alimony aren't going to provide her with a more luxurious lifestyle than she's living now, which is what she ultimately seems to be after.

Ah, but you forget about the new Sugar Daddy she'll soon have after the divorce. The old husband will be paying for all the basics and the new guy will shower her with the luxury.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have a SAHP, but if I did, he or she would do absolutely everything domestic between 7 am and 7 pm.

Anonymous wrote:Ok, if we want to get back to some practical advice for op ...

You said you hate meal planning and shopping. Ok, I get it, I really do. But there are some things you can do to minimize this pain and still have a decent amount of food in the house.

I have a general weekly shipping list. It goes something like:
- 1 loaf of bread
- a package of sliced sandwich meat
- lettuce, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and a 3-pack of bell peppers for salad
- 5-7 cooking vegetables: broccoli, squash, asparagus, whatever else looks good at the store
- milk
- block of cheddar cheese
- yogurt
- I buy meat in bulk and freeze, but otherwise would add a week's worth of meat here too

Then I keep a running list on the fridge for staples that are running low. Nearing the end of the rice? Add it to the list. Almost out of toothpaste? Same.

Every week, I run to the store - once per week - to buy whatever is on the list plus my weekly standards. If DH or anyone else runs out of something mid-week, it's your own damn fault for not putting it on the list when you got low. It took a few years, but they're all trained now . I takes an hour on the weekend - you or DH could do it. That's it - no other meal planning or shopping required.

With that, I can cobble a meal together - or DH can - at any time. I don't need to meal plan. I can if I want to (and add whatever to the list), but it isn't necessary. I can "cook from the fridge/pantry" all week, as long as there is a variety of meats, vegetables and grains around.

Getting home from work and having to go to the store cause there's no food around? Yeah, that sucks. But if there is at least a decent variety of ingredients, you could get a meal on the table quickly, without having to plan ahead, or he can throw something together when he gets home.