Anonymous wrote:Dear DD,
Have sex only with your DH after marriage. It is BS that you need practice for something as simple as sex. The world over in many cultures the norm is not to be promiscuous.

There are enough books and videos available to attain sex education. It is not calculus or quantum physics that you will not be able to catch on.

The culture that advocates multiple sex partners before marriage is also one that has a 50% divorce rate. And many kids are married to unmarried women. So I do not see what value pre-marital sex with multiple partners give to a woman.
-mom

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has left me so frustrated and annoyed, and not with the "slut-shamers". I'm annoyed with the people here who are willfully blind to the fact that your sexual history, whether you're a man or a woman, says something about. YES, IT DOES.

The only reason why your sexual history doesn't come to bite you in the ass later on is because there's no official record of it, unlike say you college transcript. Do your academic grades say something about your mind, your habits and your values? YES.

Does your sexual history say something about your mind, your habits, and your values? YES.

I hate that people blindly advocate the freedom to practice casual sex and "have as high a number as you want" and act as if the only thing to worry about is STDs. Sex has an emotional and spiritual force. People who are callous with it when they don't know what they're doing - like, for example, teenagers - are damaged when they misuse it. This is not me trying to prove some evil religious agenda (I'm not religious). This is reality.

And when we live in a society where women have the power to choose, where women are biologically the decision-makers when it comes to whether sex is going to happen or not, then yes, her choice matters. Like it or not, we do not live in a matriarchal island society where girls chase boys and rack up conquests. We live in a society that has for centuries conditioned men to hunt and it's created a society where women have the power to choose and BECAUSE they have the power to choose, their perceived selectivity becomes important.

Hate on me all you want for calling it like it is. Despite your dearest hopes, I am not sexist.

Finally. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has left me so frustrated and annoyed, and not with the "slut-shamers". I'm annoyed with the people here who are willfully blind to the fact that your sexual history, whether you're a man or a woman, says something about. YES, IT DOES.

The only reason why your sexual history doesn't come to bite you in the ass later on is because there's no official record of it, unlike say you college transcript. Do your academic grades say something about your mind, your habits and your values? YES.

Does your sexual history say something about your mind, your habits, and your values? YES.

I hate that people blindly advocate the freedom to practice casual sex and "have as high a number as you want" and act as if the only thing to worry about is STDs. Sex has an emotional and spiritual force. People who are callous with it when they don't know what they're doing - like, for example, teenagers - are damaged when they misuse it. This is not me trying to prove some evil religious agenda (I'm not religious). This is reality.

And when we live in a society where women have the power to choose, where women are biologically the decision-makers when it comes to whether sex is going to happen or not, then yes, her choice matters. Like it or not, we do not live in a matriarchal island society where girls chase boys and rack up conquests. We live in a society that has for centuries conditioned men to hunt and it's created a society where women have the power to choose and BECAUSE they have the power to choose, their perceived selectivity becomes important.

Hate on me all you want for calling it like it is. Despite your dearest hopes, I am not sexist.

Oh, glory be, PP is using CAPS LOCK. That's how we know that she's right!

PP? Respectfully? You don't have a goddamn clue what you're talking about. Take your high-handed, moral judgments, roll them into a nice, tight tube, and shove them up your undoubtedly pristine twat.

Anonymous wrote:This thread has left me so frustrated and annoyed, and not with the "slut-shamers". I'm annoyed with the people here who are willfully blind to the fact that your sexual history, whether you're a man or a woman, says something about. YES, IT DOES.

The only reason why your sexual history doesn't come to bite you in the ass later on is because there's no official record of it, unlike say you college transcript. Do your academic grades say something about your mind, your habits and your values? YES.

Does your sexual history say something about your mind, your habits, and your values? YES.

I hate that people blindly advocate the freedom to practice casual sex and "have as high a number as you want" and act as if the only thing to worry about is STDs. Sex has an emotional and spiritual force. People who are callous with it when they don't know what they're doing - like, for example, teenagers - are damaged when they misuse it. This is not me trying to prove some evil religious agenda (I'm not religious). This is reality.

And when we live in a society where women have the power to choose, where women are biologically the decision-makers when it comes to whether sex is going to happen or not, then yes, her choice matters. Like it or not, we do not live in a matriarchal island society where girls chase boys and rack up conquests. We live in a society that has for centuries conditioned men to hunt and it's created a society where women have the power to choose and BECAUSE they have the power to choose, their perceived selectivity becomes important.

Hate on me all you want for calling it like it is. Despite your dearest hopes, I am not sexist.

Anonymous wrote:Dear DD,
Have sex only with your DH after marriage. It is BS that you need practice for something as simple as sex. The world over in many cultures the norm is not to be promiscuous.

There are enough books and videos available to attain sex education. It is not calculus or quantum physics that you will not be able to catch on.

The culture that advocates multiple sex partners before marriage is also one that has a 50% divorce rate. And many kids are married to unmarried women. So I do not see what value pre-marital sex with multiple partners give to a woman.

-mom

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Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding the concept of more sexual partners equal being a better lover to your future husband. I've had 13 partners, but NONE of them fulfilled me like my DH and it's because I'm comfortable with him and over the years, we've learned what we both like and we are comfortable to tell each other what we'd like them to change/work on. IMO, sexual exploration with your one partner teaches you much more than random sex with many people (especially when the individual sexual taste will vary).

It doesn't always, clearly. Since there are many people who have had fulfilling sex lives with just one or two people in their entire life.

I'm the PP upthread who has had 30+ partners. I won't say that I learned something from each of them, but people have various quirks and kinks and personalities in bed. I learned what ones work for me and what ones I don't like as much. I learned various things from various people - like the man I was seeing the summer I was 20, who taught me how to give an awesome BJ. I learned from my boyfriend freshman year of college to appreciate my body for all its imperfections (he was the first one who really appreciated me physically and talked about it to me).

Did I have to sleep with all those people to learn those things? No. It's possible that I would have learned the techniques from DH. But I did learn them from different people.

So, essentially those others 29 partners had no value really. And one man's idea of a great BJ does not necessarily translate to the next person.

NP - you're willfully misreading the earlier post. She said that she "won't say [she] learned something from each of them," and that she didn't have to sleep with "all" those people. From her post, you can clearly see that, while not every single one of the 30 was an educational experience, many were.

No, you're missing the point which is that she could have learned those things from her DH, so those other partners didn't have any real value. What one person likes does not translate into what the next person will like. It's about learning your partners and his/her needs not screwing random people.

In the alternative, her knowledge from other partners can teach DH a few things, too.

About what?

Sex.

That's what we are talking about.

That argument does not hold water. You can learn what pleasures you as you and your partner discover each other. 10-15 other guys do not have to factor into the equation.

Hi. It's me, the one with the many apparently unnecessary partners. Glad to provide such fodder for discussion.

My point, PP who doesn't think multiple partners are needed, is that I did learn things, and different things, from many of these men. I don't consider all of them to be "of no value". Certainly that are a few here and there who I can honestly say did not enrich my life. I would consider sleeping with them to be a mistake - but even mistakes "have value" in that you learn from them. You learn to pick your partners more carefully (I know you'll have a hard time believing that I didn't just sleep with anyone who wanted to, but I didn't). Several of these people were people I loved very much. One of the ones who I would consider a sexual mistake (in that the sexual encounter taught me nothing other than that I didn't want to have any further such encounters with him) is actually one of my best friends now. Yes, DH knows and no, he doesn't have a problem with it.

I agree that it's wonderful when people learn each other sexually together. I am sure that if I had stayed with the boy I lost my virginity to, we would have learned things sexually together. I never said that it was dumb for people to have only one or two partners. I met DH, I stopped being interested in other people. The sex actually came much later. That had never happened to me before, and I thought it was really awesome.