I don't understand people who have children but don't have any interest in raising them. What's the point of having kids if you don't want to take care of them? Honest question.

I don't understand -- am I supposed to think something about women who are content with this? They are all different, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest since you requested it OP.

I have a low opinion of parents who do not even want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers. I think prioritizing material things and one's own career and self-fulfillment is selfish and indicates a lack of understanding of how important it is for young children to spend most of their time with someone who loves them completely and unconditionally.

A little off of your topic but completely relevant.

When I’m meeting someone who doesn’t work outside the house I am usually bracing for a comment like this, since they are handed out freely with out care for any of the reasons some one might have chosen to work. I have no other thoughts about their choices- how would I know better for them than they do for themselves?

What if I love my work and feel passionately about it and what it does for society, and chose to work even if I don't 'have' to -- do you think those people are less-than parents, too?

I don’t think SAHMs are leaving jobs like this, they’re leaving dead-end menial work. People who are happy and accommodated and valued stay.

Sure, but people are saying that they should, "I have a low opinion of parents who do not even want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers. I think prioritizing material things and one's own career and self-fulfillment is selfish and indicates a lack of understanding of how important it is for young children to spend most of their time with someone who loves them completely and unconditionally."

Yes but that’s what someone is saying. People say all kinds of things. The above sentence likely fills someone with a warmer feeling of superiority than saying “I wasn’t getting much out of my career, and I get a lot out of being home”. People aren’t always comfortable admitting they weren’t really getting much because it acknowledges that others were.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest since you requested it OP.

I have a low opinion of parents who do not even want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers. I think prioritizing material things and one's own career and self-fulfillment is selfish and indicates a lack of understanding of how important it is for young children to spend most of their time with someone who loves them completely and unconditionally.

A little off of your topic but completely relevant.

When I’m meeting someone who doesn’t work outside the house I am usually bracing for a comment like this, since they are handed out freely with out care for any of the reasons some one might have chosen to work. I have no other thoughts about their choices- how would I know better for them than they do for themselves?

What if I love my work and feel passionately about it and what it does for society, and chose to work even if I don't 'have' to -- do you think those people are less-than parents, too?

I don’t think SAHMs are leaving jobs like this, they’re leaving dead-end menial work. People who are happy and accommodated and valued stay.

Queue the doctors and lawyers saying not so

There are plenty of lawyers and even doctors out there doing menial work. Doctors who have their every interaction dictated by insurance companies or who work for drug companies, lawyers who do document review, just because a job is “prestigious” doesn’t mean it isn’t a dead end or that it’s fulfilling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to know what their Plan B is when the kids leave for college or if a divorce happens.

She gets half her husband's assets in the divorce.

And lifetime alimony in states where this is permitted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest since you requested it OP.

I have a low opinion of parents who do not even want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers. I think prioritizing material things and one's own career and self-fulfillment is selfish and indicates a lack of understanding of how important it is for young children to spend most of their time with someone who loves them completely and unconditionally.

A little off of your topic but completely relevant.

When I’m meeting someone who doesn’t work outside the house I am usually bracing for a comment like this, since they are handed out freely with out care for any of the reasons some one might have chosen to work. I have no other thoughts about their choices- how would I know better for them than they do for themselves?

What if I love my work and feel passionately about it and what it does for society, and chose to work even if I don't 'have' to -- do you think those people are less-than parents, too?

Honestly, I have met so many different moms with so many different situations and have not felt inclined to judge any of them on their choices to work outside the home, work at home, work as a full-time parent etc. The only exception are the moms like the first PP quoted above. The SAHMs who think they are on some divine mission and that women who work have actually *harmed* their children, don't care as much about the children, blah, blah, blah, whatever other nonsense they spout... those moms I judge. What completely clueless, nasty, (and incorrect) buttholes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest since you requested it OP.

I have a low opinion of parents who do not even want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers. I think prioritizing material things and one's own career and self-fulfillment is selfish and indicates a lack of understanding of how important it is for young children to spend most of their time with someone who loves them completely and unconditionally.

A little off of your topic but completely relevant.

When I’m meeting someone who doesn’t work outside the house I am usually bracing for a comment like this, since they are handed out freely with out care for any of the reasons some one might have chosen to work. I have no other thoughts about their choices- how would I know better for them than they do for themselves?

What if I love my work and feel passionately about it and what it does for society, and chose to work even if I don't 'have' to -- do you think those people are less-than parents, too?

I don’t think SAHMs are leaving jobs like this, they’re leaving dead-end menial work. People who are happy and accommodated and valued stay.

Queue the doctors and lawyers saying not so

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest since you requested it OP.

I have a low opinion of parents who do not even want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers. I think prioritizing material things and one's own career and self-fulfillment is selfish and indicates a lack of understanding of how important it is for young children to spend most of their time with someone who loves them completely and unconditionally.

A little off of your topic but completely relevant.

When I’m meeting someone who doesn’t work outside the house I am usually bracing for a comment like this, since they are handed out freely with out care for any of the reasons some one might have chosen to work. I have no other thoughts about their choices- how would I know better for them than they do for themselves?

What if I love my work and feel passionately about it and what it does for society, and chose to work even if I don't 'have' to -- do you think those people are less-than parents, too?

I don’t think SAHMs are leaving jobs like this, they’re leaving dead-end menial work. People who are happy and accommodated and valued stay.

Sure, but people are saying that they should, "I have a low opinion of parents who do not even want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers. I think prioritizing material things and one's own career and self-fulfillment is selfish and indicates a lack of understanding of how important it is for young children to spend most of their time with someone who loves them completely and unconditionally."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest since you requested it OP.

I have a low opinion of parents who do not even want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers. I think prioritizing material things and one's own career and self-fulfillment is selfish and indicates a lack of understanding of how important it is for young children to spend most of their time with someone who loves them completely and unconditionally.

A little off of your topic but completely relevant.

When I’m meeting someone who doesn’t work outside the house I am usually bracing for a comment like this, since they are handed out freely with out care for any of the reasons some one might have chosen to work. I have no other thoughts about their choices- how would I know better for them than they do for themselves?

What if I love my work and feel passionately about it and what it does for society, and chose to work even if I don't 'have' to -- do you think those people are less-than parents, too?

I don’t think SAHMs are leaving jobs like this, they’re leaving dead-end menial work. People who are happy and accommodated and valued stay.

I feel for people who didn’t have options.

My job let me take a year of maternity leave per baby, promoted me while I was on maternity leave, empowers my flexible schedule so my babies spend nearly every waking minute with me until preschool, and has provided my children (and parent, and sometimes spouse) with incredible opportunities for foreign travel and enrichment. It adds to our family life. The women in my family tend to have that kind of jobs where the work is enriching to the family. The men tend to work in roles that are more “grind” (ex my husband is in finance my FIL is an attorney)

I don’t think less of women who leave menial jobs to stay home. I feel for women who leave jobs they love and which are truly meaningful because they have no choice. But if I was choosing between menial office work that didn’t benefit my family I don’t see staying at home as a service-provider to be necessarily a worse choice?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest since you requested it OP.

I have a low opinion of parents who do not even want to be the primary caregiver for their children when they are infants and toddlers. I think prioritizing material things and one's own career and self-fulfillment is selfish and indicates a lack of understanding of how important it is for young children to spend most of their time with someone who loves them completely and unconditionally.

A little off of your topic but completely relevant.

When I’m meeting someone who doesn’t work outside the house I am usually bracing for a comment like this, since they are handed out freely with out care for any of the reasons some one might have chosen to work. I have no other thoughts about their choices- how would I know better for them than they do for themselves?

What if I love my work and feel passionately about it and what it does for society, and chose to work even if I don't 'have' to -- do you think those people are less-than parents, too?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to know what their Plan B is when the kids leave for college or if a divorce happens.

Many women stay in long happy marriages partly fueled by the fact that NOT having a “Plan B” makes you much more invested in making sure Plan A works out nicely.

Also, there are many many many ways to spend time after the kids go to college that contributes to community and society.
Food banks, hospitals, community centers, animal shelters all need volunteers in order to survive and thrive!

Any many women stay in dysfunctional, abusive situations fueled by the fact that not having a Plan B means there are fewer options in dire situtaions.

The PTA SAHMs at my school refuse to talk to the women that WOTH. It's fortunate you haven't noticed that experience, but there's a lot of us that deal with this on the daily.

This was definitely the case when my kids were in ES 5-7 years ago.
Disappointing it has not changed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only SAHMs or WAH/WOHs that annoy me are the ones that think their path is the only correct answer and can't fathom that someone would choose differently, or have different circumstances (financial, health, etc.) that limits their choices.

Funny enough, I am currently a working mom who may soon become an expat, SAHM. Which in some ways is a bit daunting to think about, but part of me would like to get off the hamster wheel for a couple years.

Agreed, but I wonder how many people are really like that. There are SAHMs, part-time working moms, full-time working moms, super high powered full-time working moms, etc at my kids school and it isn't really ever discussed. The PTA is run by parents of all types. The only time this really comes up is when discussing things like activities and camps- eg sometimes the SAHMs might not need as much camp but I would still ask them what they are planning to do for the summer and see if their kids might want to do camp with mine. I don't really think about their situations or judge them in any way. If it works for them, it works for them, right? My working situation works for my family, I can't imagine caring about what works for another family.

The PTA SAHMs at my school refuse to talk to the women that WOTH. It's fortunate you haven't noticed that experience, but there's a lot of us that deal with this on the daily.

Surprising in this day and age. I would have expected that in the 70s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do the people judging women have a problem with men who stay home?

Honestly, not as much, because it's less typical, which means to me that it's less likely they "just did it" because they were socially programmed to believe this was their role. They really thought about it and had to make a conscious move (in most cases, I know there are exceptions). I think I am more prone to thinking they are following their real passion.

I am realizing I also tend to think that the paid work men do tends to be more about "making a paycheck to support my family," which is fine and good, but tends to be more about producing widgets and being a cog in a machine versus actually contributing toward the world. There's some fact-based reason; women tend to be more in helping professions and non profit roles.

Wow. I like the honesty, but boy is this offensive!