Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on personality not money. I have never seen a kid left out because they don't have a big house or a great car. My oldest is 16 and her classmates are not all getting cars. Most drive a family car, only one got a brand new Range Rover and there was actually a bit of eye rolling from the parents but the kids don't seem to care.

Are your kids at Big3 schools? If you teach at a Big3 school and don't hear the constant chatter about vacations and material goods, etc. then you're not observant. I agree the kids aren't left out of attending parties where an invitation is extended to the entire grade. It is possible to make a small core group of friends based upon personality; however, dating is a different kettle of fish. The parents steer their family social circles starting in the early grades.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on personality not money. I have never seen a kid left out because they don't have a big house or a great car. My oldest is 16 and her classmates are not all getting cars. Most drive a family car, only one got a brand new Range Rover and there was actually a bit of eye rolling from the parents but the kids don't seem to care.

Are your kids at Big3 schools? If you teach at a Big3 school and don't hear the constant chatter about vacations and material goods, etc. then you're not observant. I agree the kids aren't left out of attending parties where an invitation is extended to the entire grade. It is possible to make a small core group of friends based upon personality; however, dating is a different kettle of fish. The parents steer their family social circles starting in the early grades.

I think the second pp is projecting his/her insecurity. Have have 3 kids and we have been in the big 3 system for 8 years ( 1 Beauvoir, 1 STA, 1 NCS). We are not rich (house much smaller and crappy inside, ok but not beautiful NW DC neighborhood) and my kids are not white (black/white biracial) and I have not noticed any difference in treatment by kids or parents. Kids are invited to parties both as part of the whole class and subsets of the class. I sometimes feel anxious about our circumstances but I do not see any difference in treatment of my kids. My husband and I and our kids get invited to the country clubs, beautiful vacation homes, on vacation etc. when we can afford it we go and when we can't we say we can't afford it that year, period. We reciprocate in ways that we can. In the 8 years I've known these families we are getting closer, invitations have not dried up and our kids are thriving.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on personality not money. I have never seen a kid left out because they don't have a big house or a great car. My oldest is 16 and her classmates are not all getting cars. Most drive a family car, only one got a brand new Range Rover and there was actually a bit of eye rolling from the parents but the kids don't seem to care.

Are your kids at Big3 schools? If you teach at a Big3 school and don't hear the constant chatter about vacations and material goods, etc. then you're not observant. I agree the kids aren't left out of attending parties where an invitation is extended to the entire grade. It is possible to make a small core group of friends based upon personality; however, dating is a different kettle of fish. The parents steer their family social circles starting in the early grades.

I think the second pp is projecting his/her insecurity. Have have 3 kids and we have been in the big 3 system for 8 years ( 1 Beauvoir, 1 STA, 1 NCS). We are not rich (house much smaller and crappy inside, ok but not beautiful NW DC neighborhood) and my kids are not white (black/white biracial) and I have not noticed any difference in treatment by kids or parents. Kids are invited to parties both as part of the whole class and subsets of the class. I sometimes feel anxious about our circumstances but I do not see any difference in treatment of my kids. My husband and I and our kids get invited to the country clubs, beautiful vacation homes, on vacation etc. when we can afford it we go and when we can't we say we can't afford it that year, period. We reciprocate in ways that we can. In the 8 years I've known these families we are getting closer, invitations have not dried up and our kids are thriving.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on personality not money. I have never seen a kid left out because they don't have a big house or a great car. My oldest is 16 and her classmates are not all getting cars. Most drive a family car, only one got a brand new Range Rover and there was actually a bit of eye rolling from the parents but the kids don't seem to care.

Are your kids at Big3 schools? If you teach at a Big3 school and don't hear the constant chatter about vacations and material goods, etc. then you're not observant. I agree the kids aren't left out of attending parties where an invitation is extended to the entire grade. It is possible to make a small core group of friends based upon personality; however, dating is a different kettle of fish. The parents steer their family social circles starting in the early grades.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on personality not money. I have never seen a kid left out because they don't have a big house or a great car. My oldest is 16 and her classmates are not all getting cars. Most drive a family car, only one got a brand new Range Rover and there was actually a bit of eye rolling from the parents but the kids don't seem to care.

Are your kids at Big3 schools? If you teach at a Big3 school and don't hear the constant chatter about vacations and material goods, etc. then you're not observant. I agree the kids aren't left out of attending parties where an invitation is extended to the entire grade. It is possible to make a small core group of friends based upon personality; however, dating is a different kettle of fish. The parents steer their family social circles starting in the early grades.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Good luck with the party/sleepover hosting, let me guess you're just starting out and DS is in pk-3? Hopefully, your DS will not be made to feel ashamed at school. The kids talk about what they have and where they're going on vacation constantly. During all of their bragging, will DS captively listen, try to ignore them, or to save face and contribute to the conversation will he lie?

Wait...where you being sarcastic?

Really tasteless trying to shame/scare the pp.
We live in a tiny row house in a less than desirable neighborhood and we just started upper ES age dc in an independent this year. Dc has a very outgoing personality and rose to stardom pretty fast (which I don't quite know what to do with because I was and still am a wallflower). He has friends over often, and no one has ever said a word to him about how much money we're lacking. The parents might talk among themselves...or maybe driving to our home might have helped some realize they should change their perspective. Either way, he's happy and thriving, and no one has ever pointed out that we're not keeping up with the Jonses. I would like to think that's because what we have in common is that we value the quality of our kids' education.

PP here -- thanks for chiming in! I'm so glad your independent school is working out well for your DC.

I do think it's funny because of the stereotypes that everyone has about who receives FA. We'll probably fly under the radar for a while because DS is blonde and blue-eyed, and is as likely to be wearing Hanna or Tea Collection as he is to be wearing Circo or Garanimals (I love shopping at thrift stores and buy a lot of name-brand clothes). At some point I guess they'll figure it out, but I have a really hard time believing that the kids will care. Grownups tend to be more preoccupied with that stuff.

I don't know...we live in a tiny original brick colonial (the kind all over NWDC, Bethesda, Silver Spring, built in 1939/40...). Some private school friends came to visit and one asked, "Why is your house so small?" The mother was mortified.

I find it hard to host playdates as the wealthier kids just have nicer set-ups for plays (HUGE basements, BIG tvs, TONS of toys, etc). However, we do host kids at the pool, park, etc, to kind of even it out.

It gets easier when they're older. My 5th grade ds's friends don't care how tiny our house is. They only notice the big tv, the xbox, and the snacks.

Really, you don't sound like a private parent to me. Kids and students segregate by SES at our private.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at two different privates and I teach at one. I have never seen kids talk about or care about who has money or not. They are all friends based on personality not money. I have never seen a kid left out because they don't have a big house or a great car. My oldest is 16 and her classmates are not all getting cars. Most drive a family car, only one got a brand new Range Rover and there was actually a bit of eye rolling from the parents but the kids don't seem to care.