Anonymous wrote:OP here

The update is that the baby is home with her. My oldest son is staying with the younger one this whole week. Younger son came by yesterday morning ahead of the snow and picked up a bunch of the stuff I accumulated in the last several days. The plan is for my two sons to drive to her address and deliver it all.

My son was supremely unhappy with me that I had told his adult sister about the baby (she lives at my address) but it was otherwise kind of hard to explain why the front hall was suddenly filled with diapers car seat cases of formula. He’s also not thrilled that I helped his gf fill out the birth certificate she needed to complete before discharge on Saturday (by text) his place of birth, social etc.

A paternity test has not been completed yet, but he’s not contesting it.

Right now I’ve done about all I can and it’s my turn to step back. He doesn’t want me to do anything else for the time being and I just said I hear you, I respect that and I understand. He’s got to grow up fast and my presence and involvement at this particular time isn’t helping that move forward.

Still a lot of questions about how this happened. Yes bc pills are hormonal birth control but you can skip pills, it’s not as reliable as as something like an implant or an IUD. I once got pregnant while on birth control. My neighbor got pregnant with an IUD in place. They couldn’t remove it without jeopardizing the pregnancy so she carried the IUD all the way up through delivery.

My ex is still somehow of the mind that this was all planned on her part, but I don’t really see how no prenatal care and continuing to live the life of a mid 20s with a social life is some kind of master plan. She could have had the same result just announcing early and refusing to terminate.

This is the most traumatic “master birth plan” I could come up with.

Like a lot of women I’ve been pregnant before so there are definitely lots of other questions but I am not the one who needs to be asking them.

The easiest part of right now is that I’m not involved in caring for a newborn. All I did is buy stuff. The harder part is having to sit back and do the “nothing else” part he asked of me. Can’t tell anyone else. I live in fear of my ex MIL somehow getting wind of this and asking me questions I literally can’t answer. I’m mostly just planning on not responding, since I can’t come up with any response in my head that doesn’t violate my son’s privacy and give up the game.

The baby’s mom has been texting me pictures. He’s a lovely baby. You could swap any picture of Kevin out with my son as a newborn. Identical head shape, features, expression, light hair (she’s got dark brown hair).

Anyway, hope everyone survived the snow, it looks like we have around 2 feet. Nothing to do but hang out.

Peace out! OP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some states a DNA paternity test can't overrule a named purported father on birth certificate.
The women knew what they were doing.

How?! This isn’t fair to the son. This may not be his child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why get married ??????

For what reason?

The US healthcare system just means that the father who didn't expect a pregnancy now signs up for up to a half a million in debt.

Father signed up when he deposited his sperm. Marrying or not marrying is irrelevant.

Not quite. Paying money is one thing. Parenting is another. Nobody should be forced to be a parent.

This is why I'm a huge fan of forced vasectomies until you prove that you are in fact going to parent the children you bring into this world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some states a DNA paternity test can't overrule a named purported father on birth certificate.
The women knew what they were doing.

What states?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were wrong to provide your son's data "to help her fill out the required birth certificate." That was not your place. If you can't understand that, well...

No, she was acting like an adult. Kevin’s father is acting like a snotty teen. If by some chance the baby is not his, he will lose a few days. But if, as is likely, the baby his is, this 27 year old man has lost precious time in bonding with his baby and being supportive to the mother of his child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were wrong to provide your son's data "to help her fill out the required birth certificate." That was not your place. If you can't understand that, well...

No, she was acting like an adult. Kevin’s father is acting like a snotty teen. If by some chance the baby is not his, he will lose a few days. But if, as is likely, the baby his is, this 27 year old man has lost precious time in bonding with his baby and being supportive to the mother of his child.

The whole "bonding time" is bs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were wrong to provide your son's data "to help her fill out the required birth certificate." That was not your place. If you can't understand that, well...

No, she was acting like an adult. Kevin’s father is acting like a snotty teen. If by some chance the baby is not his, he will lose a few days. But if, as is likely, the baby his is, this 27 year old man has lost precious time in bonding with his baby and being supportive to the mother of his child.

Anonymous wrote:In some states a DNA paternity test can't overrule a named purported father on birth certificate.
The women knew what they were doing.

Anonymous wrote:In some states a DNA paternity test can't overrule a named purported father on birth certificate.
The women knew what they were doing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why get married ??????

For what reason?

The US healthcare system just means that the father who didn't expect a pregnancy now signs up for up to a half a million in debt.

Father signed up when he deposited his sperm. Marrying or not marrying is irrelevant.

Not quite. Paying money is one thing. Parenting is another. Nobody should be forced to be a parent.

Anonymous wrote:You were wrong to provide your son's data "to help her fill out the required birth certificate." That was not your place. If you can't understand that, well...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When society keeps telling grown men and women that they are naive kids then why would they act as responsible adults? These are people who are five six years post college, not college freshmen. A sensible couple would've discussed it, explore their options and either quietly had it taken care of if they didn't want it or made an announcement of expecting a baby. In current day and age they don't even have to get married unless there is a religious reason. They don't even have to have a wedding music band, just a trip to city court and a dinner with immediate family and a few friends would suffice.

Let’s say instead of a pregnancy, it’s cancer. Are you saying that a 27-year-old with a cancer diagnosis shouldn’t call and talk to his parents?
What if it was a car accident that really shook him up and he just wants to talk. Are you saying a 27-year-old shouldn’t talk to his parents about a car accident?
What if his girlfriend died? Are you saying a 27-year-old shouldn’t talk to his parents about his girlfriend dying?
I guess the only thing we should talk to our parents about after we are 22 is the weather and what we’re eating at Thanksgiving.

And unexpected pregnancy is not cancer. It's a very big OOPs with lifestyle choices factored in.
I've been in a big car accident at that age. Neither me, nor my eventual dh in that car with me considered calling parents.
And the 27 year old isn't announcing the pregnancy.
He is asking for help and guidance about a very big OOPs.