Anonymous wrote:Who cares what you do but call it what it is. If your kids are grown you are not a SAHM. You just don’t work.

And its none of our business. Being sour, jealous or judgmental isn't kind or required. Its petty and ugly.

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what you do but call it what it is. If your kids are grown you are not a SAHM. You just don’t work.

Who cares what you think?

More people are staying single, marrying late, divorcing, not having children as a choice or due to fertility problems. Having and maintaining a family is not a priority or a possibility for for majority.

Who cares what you do but call it what it is. If your kids are grown you are not a SAHM. You just don’t work.

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Anonymous wrote:Fatherhood should be elevated to the level of motherhood so similar high ground and similar sacrifice is expected from both parents.

. It IS in my household. This conversation happens to be mostly about women and their roles, but no doubt fathers are just as important (I’m the OP, by the way).

How involved was he? Did he take off work for sick kids? Did he do school trips? Did he coach or others r get involved in their passion?

Not only that but all parents should be able to switch according to needs and preferences, if humans want family unit to remain as a viable choice, we'll have to give families choices to make their circumstances work. If not, more people will stay single, less marriages, less children. Less children would mean shortage of labour and consumers so not suitable for capitalism.

I honestly don't care if women choose to be a SAHM or a WOHM. I think it's great that there is choice now. If you want to SAH and put your energy into that, I think this is a win. Any issues with the kids is handled eg school drop off, sickness, time during the day can be spent cooking and cleaning so that evening and weekend hours are kept for fun. If finances aren't an issue, I can see the advantages of being a SAHM.

However if you want a career, have passion for a particular field then that's also great. Working in a partnership with your spouse to support this and make family life work is doable, plenty of women are doing it now.

In a lot of cases both parents need to work, so if someone takes less hours to be available at home, that is also a great option.

I think women need to celebrate choice rather than thinking women need to be a certain way. I really do feel like women feel like they should all be doing the same thing, you have to fit the current theme otherwise something is wrong with you. What if women just did what works for them and we celebrated women being able to have choice. Choice they never use to have, so how about it stops being an issue because one way doesn't have to be better than another way. Kids will be happy growing up in a household where the parents are happy. No point for a woman that hates working to try to force that upon herself and if someone is unhappy sitting at home why do that. It doesn't make sense. Just do what works for your family and brings the most happiness to your household.

It sure is good to see women respecting and supporting each other's right to live the lives that works best for each individual.

I didn't read all the posts, but wow! Is this actually a fully supportive and empowering DCUM thread

I hate to say this, but those who slam you for being a SAHM and make you feel like you are "less than" likely did not have that option. Good for you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you work or decide to SAHM it, you are providing for your family. Don’t let anyone shame you into doing what’s best for you and your fam.

They shouldn’t but creating a rivalry between women is how patriarchal system survived and that’s how industrial system survives and women keep falling for this trap and shoving each other under the bus to validate their own choices is the way to go.

+1

I just re-watched Roxane Gay's TED talk. She enumerates all the ways she might be a bad feminist, like believing that squishing bugs and car maintenance is man's work, and she says,

"If a woman chooses to stay at home with her children, I embrace that choice. The problem is not that she makes herself economically vulnerable for that choice, the problem is that our society is set up to make women economically vulnerable when they choose. Let's deal with that."

https://www.ted.com/talks/roxane_gay_confessions_of_a_bad_feminist

Anonymous wrote:Whether you work or decide to SAHM it, you are providing for your family. Don’t let anyone shame you into doing what’s best for you and your fam.

They shouldn’t but creating a rivalry between women is how patriarchal system survived and that’s how industrial system survives and women keep falling for this trap and shoving each other under the bus to validate their own choices is the way to go.

Whether you work or decide to SAHM it, you are providing for your family. Don’t let anyone shame you into doing what’s best for you and your fam.

Anonymous wrote:Fatherhood should be elevated to the level of motherhood so similar high ground and similar sacrifice is expected from both parents.

. It IS in my household. This conversation happens to be mostly about women and their roles, but no doubt fathers are just as important (I’m the OP, by the way).

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Anonymous wrote:I think most women are young and naive when they makes decision to become SAHM, it’s mostly due to circumstance and societal conditioning. Once they do, it becomes difficult to leave all the responsibilities, by the time kids are out of high school, they are in midlife or often peri menopause and it’s been so long they find it intimidating to go back to the world. With lack of experience and up to date certifications as well as advancement in their fields, all they can get it often not attractive enough to leave their psychological barriers. It’s not taken seriously by the society but there should be system in place to help them with this transition.

Lates 30s, professional degree, 15+ years of experience when I started SAH. I would like to see backup statistics for your assertion. I have met far more SAH women in my situation than the one you described.

Late 30’s with 15+ experience isn’t where most young women start.

In DC it definitely is.

from my DMV experience, the SAHMs I know are roughly divided between the camps of 15+ and <10 years of experience. Those in the latter had not always broken through to full management positions, so not a lot of advancement in their fields.

This. Not everyone waits to have children until they are inching towards infertility. Many prefer to have kids between 25-30.

Not in DC. I was 35 and 38 when I had my kids, which is pretty much the same as everyone else in my community and 80% of the families at our school. I SAH and freelance when I can now. I had 18 years in the workforce before stepping out to shift gears. Incidentally, I also supported DH through grad school so any judgment from other people rolls off me and I can see it for the insecurity it is.

This sounds off.

Everyone in my circle had their first kid right around 30. I knew one couple from grad school who had their first kid at 25. And I knew two others who had a first kid near 40. Everyone else was right around 30. By 35 were long done with baby showers.

Off for who? You?

That’s what I was thinking, too. I’ve been in the DC area for 20 years, and the only young moms I have met have been military spouses or Mormons. I’ve worked across three federal agencies and live in north Arlington—the new moms at the park are usually well into their 30s. I don’t have anything against being a younger mom (part of me wishes we’d started much younger), but it’s just not the norm here that I’ve experienced.