Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Modern life: your value in society is only equal to your paycheck, and only if you’re under fifty (otherwise you’re occupying a spot that should go to someone younger).

OP never said anything about loving his spouse and wishing she’d work. Instead it’s just about the money, and apparently no emotional connection. I suspect that if there had been more emotional investment to the relationship and possibly to his family on his part, there’d be more commitment to working more hours on her part. It takes two to tango. He’s as culpable as her, and each are trying to fill voids left by the other.

I love how you think a grown woman doesn’t need to contribute to her financial needs.

+1
Way to rewrite a narrative, PP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Modern life: your value in society is only equal to your paycheck, and only if you’re under fifty (otherwise you’re occupying a spot that should go to someone younger).

OP never said anything about loving his spouse and wishing she’d work. Instead it’s just about the money, and apparently no emotional connection. I suspect that if there had been more emotional investment to the relationship and possibly to his family on his part, there’d be more commitment to working more hours on her part. It takes two to tango. He’s as culpable as her, and each are trying to fill voids left by the other.

I love how you think a grown woman doesn’t need to contribute to her financial needs.

I don’t care about the genders in the relationships. Maybe the family is too consumeristic and needs to cut back. IMO OP needs to cut back on work (downsize his pay check), while DW ups hers a bit.

Anonymous wrote:Lay out the budget and show her that there's a shortage and that you're living very tight. Maybe then she'll get the picture

This, but not exactly.

Stop telling your wife anything. Lay out the budget. Lead her to (better yet, just let her see) the shortfall. Discuss the shortfall. "What should we do about this shortfall, DW?" Don't give any potential solutions.

She's not thinking of solutions because you are giving her solutions (basically your position--get back to work) so just present her with the problem. Right now, you give solution-->she nixes the solution.

OP and his wife have a lot of financial options. Cutting back expenses, wife working full time etc.

However, they are not on the same page and I think the issue is primarily marital not financial. I am betting that OP is having an affair and wants the wife working so that he does have to pay a higher alimony.

And like fools we are indulging in Dave Ramsey kind of advice and WOHM-SAHM wars. This is a cheater who wants to bail on his family, especially the wife. He is balking with not having a nest egg to attract another female.

Anonymous wrote:Modern life: your value in society is only equal to your paycheck, and only if you’re under fifty (otherwise you’re occupying a spot that should go to someone younger).

OP never said anything about loving his spouse and wishing she’d work. Instead it’s just about the money, and apparently no emotional connection. I suspect that if there had been more emotional investment to the relationship and possibly to his family on his part, there’d be more commitment to working more hours on her part. It takes two to tango. He’s as culpable as her, and each are trying to fill voids left by the other.

I love how you think a grown woman doesn’t need to contribute to her financial needs.

Modern life: your value in society is only equal to your paycheck, and only if you’re under fifty (otherwise you’re occupying a spot that should go to someone younger).

OP never said anything about loving his spouse and wishing she’d work. Instead it’s just about the money, and apparently no emotional connection. I suspect that if there had been more emotional investment to the relationship and possibly to his family on his part, there’d be more commitment to working more hours on her part. It takes two to tango. He’s as culpable as her, and each are trying to fill voids left by the other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I said it before and will say it again -- by very conservative estimates, OP's wife is working no more than 4 hours a week (assuming she doesn't work most school holidays and breaks). I came up with 4 hours a week, assuming she only charges $100 an hour -- which is really low for SLPs in DC.

It would be SO EASY for OP's wife to make $50k and still have school holidays off and control over her schedule without working a lot of hours.

You assume she’s in private practice. The SLPs I work with at a private school are FT and make way less than that. Salaries start in the $40s FT.

Yes, i assume she currently is in private practice - because she only made $18,000 last year! By definition, that's private practice and not working for a school district.

Yes, i assumed she would stay in private practice - because if she increases her work load to 12 hours a week, and works 45 weeks a year (lots of vacay and summers off), charging $100 an hour, she clears $54,000. And this assumes she only makes $100 an hour - which is way under what we paid for a private speech therapist. And i had to call 4 therapists before i found one who would take us, because they were all so busy. So i don't think any of these numbers are unreasonable.

My friends who start working for the school district take a big pay cut -- but they only work 40 weeks a year, don't have to worry about managing a business, finding clients, etc, and get pension, health insurance etc in addition to that pay. I think they're also allowed to work in the summer - so you could easily make another $5000 working only 4-5 hours a week in summer. My friends in those roles were okay taking the pay tradeoff for these upsides, because they had young children -- so their primary concern was a flexible schedule. They just have to show up at the job and not worry about any "extra" stuff that comes with running your own business. But if you're 50 with HS aged kids, there is no reason you can't put slightly more effort in and run a business.

Basically, with a minimal amount of effort (which is reasonable, because it IS a job) she can clear $50k. If she hustled just a bit, she can easily clear $60k.

Anonymous wrote:I said it before and will say it again -- by very conservative estimates, OP's wife is working no more than 4 hours a week (assuming she doesn't work most school holidays and breaks). I came up with 4 hours a week, assuming she only charges $100 an hour -- which is really low for SLPs in DC.

It would be SO EASY for OP's wife to make $50k and still have school holidays off and control over her schedule without working a lot of hours.

You assume she’s in private practice. The SLPs I work with at a private school are FT and make way less than that. Salaries start in the $40s FT.

I said it before and will say it again -- by very conservative estimates, OP's wife is working no more than 4 hours a week (assuming she doesn't work most school holidays and breaks). I came up with 4 hours a week, assuming she only charges $100 an hour -- which is really low for SLPs in DC.

It would be SO EASY for OP's wife to make $50k and still have school holidays off and control over her schedule without working a lot of hours.

Does the wife possibly have depression or anxiety? I have no idea if OP addressed that, but it's a reason that a person could feel overwhelmed about working FT.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read all million pages of SAHM and WM sniping at each other so I don’t know if OP ever came back or just dropped a bomb and left. But, OP, you need to be realistic about how much your wife could make even working FT. Can she turn her PT job into FT? That would likely double her salary to $36k - we’ll round it up to 40k to be generous. That’s best case scenario, but a lot of PT jobs are just part time and don’t really offer a full time option or the employer doesn’t want to convert the position to FT. So then she’s on the job market and it’s rough out there for age 50+ job seekers. That will take time, and it’s likely that she’ll be at that $40-$45k level for awhile. And starting over at a new job, she’ll have no PTO to take time off for vacations, kids college visits/move-in day, stuff like that that comes up even with older kids. Perhaps by her mid-60s, she’ll have worked her way up to $75k? I’m not saying it’s not worth it, maybe it is, but her working FT isn’t going to instantly bring in a load of income.

I don’t know why exactly you’re so resentful but it sounds like you both need marriage counseling.

So instead you post something totally irrelevant. OP’s wife is an SLP. His salary projections and her ability to easily ramp up is 100% possible and would be very easy considering the demand for her skill.

Does she work for a school or hospital or is she self-employed? Since you have time to read all bazillion posts maybe you could clarify!

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read all million pages of SAHM and WM sniping at each other so I don’t know if OP ever came back or just dropped a bomb and left. But, OP, you need to be realistic about how much your wife could make even working FT. Can she turn her PT job into FT? That would likely double her salary to $36k - we’ll round it up to 40k to be generous. That’s best case scenario, but a lot of PT jobs are just part time and don’t really offer a full time option or the employer doesn’t want to convert the position to FT. So then she’s on the job market and it’s rough out there for age 50+ job seekers. That will take time, and it’s likely that she’ll be at that $40-$45k level for awhile. And starting over at a new job, she’ll have no PTO to take time off for vacations, kids college visits/move-in day, stuff like that that comes up even with older kids. Perhaps by her mid-60s, she’ll have worked her way up to $75k? I’m not saying it’s not worth it, maybe it is, but her working FT isn’t going to instantly bring in a load of income.

I don’t know why exactly you’re so resentful but it sounds like you both need marriage counseling.

So instead you post something totally irrelevant. OP’s wife is an SLP. His salary projections and her ability to easily ramp up is 100% possible and would be very easy considering the demand for her skill.

I didn’t read all million pages of SAHM and WM sniping at each other so I don’t know if OP ever came back or just dropped a bomb and left. But, OP, you need to be realistic about how much your wife could make even working FT. Can she turn her PT job into FT? That would likely double her salary to $36k - we’ll round it up to 40k to be generous. That’s best case scenario, but a lot of PT jobs are just part time and don’t really offer a full time option or the employer doesn’t want to convert the position to FT. So then she’s on the job market and it’s rough out there for age 50+ job seekers. That will take time, and it’s likely that she’ll be at that $40-$45k level for awhile. And starting over at a new job, she’ll have no PTO to take time off for vacations, kids college visits/move-in day, stuff like that that comes up even with older kids. Perhaps by her mid-60s, she’ll have worked her way up to $75k? I’m not saying it’s not worth it, maybe it is, but her working FT isn’t going to instantly bring in a load of income.

I don’t know why exactly you’re so resentful but it sounds like you both need marriage counseling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I bet you’re fun at parties.

For sure.
I have the time/infrastructure to throw parties. We have a large social circle and DH's work also needs constant entertaining. Besides I am a fabulous cook and can produce a lavish spread relatively inexpensively because I know how to cook from scratch.

NP - You are transparently insecure and low class. I actually feel sorry for you because its obvious how insecure you are inside.

You are bitter and enraged at the hand fate has dealt you. Easily triggered.

DP. Nope. They called you out, cook-from-scratch lady. You have written massive posts about how great you think you are. Ample evidence of your insecurity. The PP you are responding to is spot on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got made fun of for wanting to stay home with my 14 year old daughter with pneumonia.
Only on DCUM would a WOHM go crazy on that one.
Yikes.

Huh, where did you see that? I know people disparaged staying home with ‘sick’ teenagers, but most people sick doesn’t mean pneumonia, and 14 is barely a high schooler, so unless you said pneumonia I suspect you are stretching.

My teen son had pneumonia and he basically slept 24x7 for a week and I worked the whole time. Was I going to stand over him and watch him sleep?

Told ya! See above post

But really what did you do the whole time? Maybe I’m neglectful ...