Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

28, 22, 15

My kids are not allowed to go to parties, it is can artificial environment and not one they will encounter in the real world.

They gather in smaller groups, <20, usually 5-10.

They go to Nats games, georgetown games, capitals, movies, skiing, kayaking, fishing, white water rafting, camping.

They drink but in smell groups, and there is food and it is not treated as a game or the center of the event.

They drink at dinner with us, beer and wine, or when we watch sprorting events.

No liquor until they are 21.

They don't pledge, no Greek life.

They don't drink and drive.

I am going to assume, here, that "My kids are not allowed to go to parties" does not apply to the 28-year-old and the 22-year-old.

Well they aren't kids so... they "can" go to parties. But 28 year olds don't really go to Parties, maybe a cookout or a dinner party, but "parties" are not a reality for that age and beyond. Maybe an 80's themed "party" but still, it is not the classic, a bunch of people that really don't know each other get together and "party", it's generally 6-10 couples and some single thrown in getting together, it's not something posted on social media for all to join.

The 22 year old goes to pubs with friends but hates clubs. Generally, they meet for dinner, wings to watch a game... but "parties" ... not really. None of them own houses yet so the cookout/dinner party thing has not kicked in.

The 15 yo went to a "party" last year, but it had police doing security... still some kids showed up drunk and tried to bring alcohol. He has lost a lot of friends, so did the 22/28 year old at this age. They are going their way of parties and he is finding the "new group" that like to do other things. It is not easy. There are lot of Saturday nights doing nothing, or playing video games with a few friends, because dry parties are not cool.

I am not saying they never broke the rules, all kids try to push them limits in one way or another.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As parents we can do lots of things to try to hold off the drinking, but at some point our influence decreases and and the outside influences increase. If we are fortunate, we have equipped them with the power to make smart, safe decisions.

This this this.

Agreed, but how many kids are really able to make smart, safe decisions after that first drink?

Zero.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a whole separate circle, many circles, where the kids don't drink or smoke or do other drugs. You just need to know who they are.

True, but they have to be the kids your kids like to be around. By the teen years, we can't pick the friends.

You can't pick friends out of the blue at 16, but there's a lot you could have been doing along the way to encourage healthy friendships with good kids.

And it's very easy to see who that is. They all have their most intimate details posted all over their very-public social media. Ask.fm, etc.

Anonymous wrote:I went to a lot of high school parties growing up in Fairfax. None of us drank in my crowd. I hung with the theater kids. We had a great time. We played records, danced, made out, laughed, and generally goofed around. We all drove home without incident. The fast "cool" kids ( the ones who called us drama fags and play gays) had the beer parties. I remember one party where some random kids turned up with beer and the mom turned them away at the door. Party hosts parents were around, mine were always up and chatty when I got home. My parents didn't keep much alcohol in the house and I honestly would have had no clue how to procure booze if I wanted. I drank in college but didn't go wild or anything.

The theater kids didn't drink in my high school either. Instead, they smoked pot and dropped acid.

Anonymous wrote:

28, 22, 15

My kids are not allowed to go to parties, it is can artificial environment and not one they will encounter in the real world.

They gather in smaller groups, <20, usually 5-10.

They go to Nats games, georgetown games, capitals, movies, skiing, kayaking, fishing, white water rafting, camping.

They drink but in smell groups, and there is food and it is not treated as a game or the center of the event.

They drink at dinner with us, beer and wine, or when we watch sprorting events.

No liquor until they are 21.

They don't pledge, no Greek life.

They don't drink and drive.

I am going to assume, here, that "My kids are not allowed to go to parties" does not apply to the 28-year-old and the 22-year-old.

Anonymous wrote:There is a whole separate circle, many circles, where the kids don't drink or smoke or do other drugs. You just need to know who they are.

True, but they have to be the kids your kids like to be around. By the teen years, we can't pick the friends.

Anonymous wrote:I went to a lot of high school parties growing up in Fairfax. None of us drank in my crowd. I hung with the theater kids. We had a great time. We played records, danced, made out, laughed, and generally goofed around. We all drove home without incident. The fast "cool" kids ( the ones who called us drama fags and play gays) had the beer parties. I remember one party where some random kids turned up with beer and the mom turned them away at the door. Party hosts parents were around, mine were always up and chatty when I got home. My parents didn't keep much alcohol in the house and I honestly would have had no clue how to procure booze if I wanted. I drank in college but didn't go wild or anything.

It drives me nuts when parents say "all kids are going to drink." No they won't. I didn't, and my friends didn't. I think parents so badly don't want their kids to be perceived as unpopular or uncool that they turn a blind eye to drinking or rationalize that everyone does it.

This is very similar to my high school experience, although most of my friends were into music, not theatre. None of my close friends drank or did drugs. We still had the time of our lives together. We played games, watched cheesy movies, took walks, talked about boys (when they weren't around), flirted (when they were), gossiped, and laughed our heads off.

I drank some, not a ton, in college, and I drink a little now. Just wasn't something I had any desire to do in high school. No one I wanted to spend time with was at those parties.

I sincerely hope more parents REconsider what their kids are doing.

By the time kids are juniors or seniors in high school an astute parent would also have at least a general sense of the various crowds in a high school and even the reps of the parents of the teens. The tone of what teens are allowed to do in terms of big group parties and carousing often comes from the parents. Even 20 years ago with our oldest daughter there was a set that seemed to think - "Aha - 16 - driving - car- independence ----- not the teen - but theirs!!! And often the mindset that they are "adults" who can not only get around on their own, but also make their own decisions.

The previous poster has it right - there are just so many more varied and positive activities for even teens to do in the DC area, especially those who come from families that can afford Uber or cabs and tickets to such events. Sadly what happened to these boy happens every year. In our area, it was a young girl from a private high school who because a quad. She went on to get her college degree, masters in counseling and live with support near her family, and is a counselor, but what a different life path she could have had- if only....

I went to a lot of high school parties growing up in Fairfax. None of us drank in my crowd. I hung with the theater kids. We had a great time. We played records, danced, made out, laughed, and generally goofed around. We all drove home without incident. The fast "cool" kids ( the ones who called us drama fags and play gays) had the beer parties. I remember one party where some random kids turned up with beer and the mom turned them away at the door. Party hosts parents were around, mine were always up and chatty when I got home. My parents didn't keep much alcohol in the house and I honestly would have had no clue how to procure booze if I wanted. I drank in college but didn't go wild or anything.

It drives me nuts when parents say "all kids are going to drink." No they won't. I didn't, and my friends didn't. I think parents so badly don't want their kids to be perceived as unpopular or uncool that they turn a blind eye to drinking or rationalize that everyone does it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, the solution is to let your kids drink at underage parties and train them to call Uber or a parent?

NP. That PP's kids are 19 and 22. So only one would actually be underage. Assuming the other one is away at college- SHOCKER- there's underage drinking on campus. So the emphasis shifts from "just say no" to "be safe about it".

Its not rocket surgery.

How old are your kids?

28, 22, 15

My kids are not allowed to go to parties, it is can artificial environment and not one they will encounter in the real world.

They gather in smaller groups, <20, usually 5-10.

They go to Nats games, georgetown games, capitals, movies, skiing, kayaking, fishing, white water rafting, camping.

They drink but in smell groups, and there is food and it is not treated as a game or the center of the event.

They drink at dinner with us, beer and wine, or when we watch sprorting events.

No liquor until they are 21.

They don't pledge, no Greek life.

They don't drink and drive.

You are a really good parent if your children don't party. Thank you for posting here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, the solution is to let your kids drink at underage parties and train them to call Uber or a parent?

NP. That PP's kids are 19 and 22. So only one would actually be underage. Assuming the other one is away at college- SHOCKER- there's underage drinking on campus. So the emphasis shifts from "just say no" to "be safe about it".

Its not rocket surgery.

How old are your kids?

28, 22, 15

My kids are not allowed to go to parties, it is can artificial environment and not one they will encounter in the real world.

They gather in smaller groups, <20, usually 5-10.

They go to Nats games, georgetown games, capitals, movies, skiing, kayaking, fishing, white water rafting, camping.

They drink but in smell groups, and there is food and it is not treated as a game or the center of the event.

They drink at dinner with us, beer and wine, or when we watch sprorting events.

No liquor until they are 21.

They don't pledge, no Greek life.

They don't drink and drive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As parents we can do lots of things to try to hold off the drinking, but at some point our influence decreases and and the outside influences increase. If we are fortunate, we have equipped them with the power to make smart, safe decisions.

This this this.

Agreed, but how many kids are really able to make smart, safe decisions after that first drink?

Anyone?

Anonymous wrote:After reading this news, I told my teen children that when they go to parties they are absolutely forbidden to drive home on their own or in a friend's car. They must call us or an Uber, regardless of how they got to the party.

Does that solve some of the problem or am I being too optimistic?

This has worked for lots of families.

After reading this news, I told my teen children that when they go to parties they are absolutely forbidden to drive home on their own or in a friend's car. They must call us or an Uber, regardless of how they got to the party.

Does that solve some of the problem or am I being too optimistic?