Anonymous wrote:

PP here -- thanks for chiming in! I'm so g

+1. Also, as the kids get older, they will start caring which kids get cars for the 16th, who goes on vacation where, and so on.

We're solidly upper middle class, but we stretched to afford private, and one day DD asked us why she was the last kid in the class to go to Europe. We fixed that within a year, but still....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Good luck with the party/sleepover hosting, let me guess you're just starting out and DS is in pk-3? Hopefully, your DS will not be made to feel ashamed at school. The kids talk about what they have and where they're going on vacation constantly. During all of their bragging, will DS captively listen, try to ignore them, or to save face and contribute to the conversation will he lie?

Wait...where you being sarcastic?

Really tasteless trying to shame/scare the pp.
We live in a tiny row house in a less than desirable neighborhood and we just started upper ES age dc in an independent this year. Dc has a very outgoing personality and rose to stardom pretty fast (which I don't quite know what to do with because I was and still am a wallflower). He has friends over often, and no one has ever said a word to him about how much money we're lacking. The parents might talk among themselves...or maybe driving to our home might have helped some realize they should change their perspective. Either way, he's happy and thriving, and no one has ever pointed out that we're not keeping up with the Jonses. I would like to think that's because what we have in common is that we value the quality of our kids' education.

PP here -- thanks for chiming in! I'm so glad your independent school is working out well for your DC.

I do think it's funny because of the stereotypes that everyone has about who receives FA. We'll probably fly under the radar for a while because DS is blonde and blue-eyed, and is as likely to be wearing Hanna or Tea Collection as he is to be wearing Circo or Garanimals (I love shopping at thrift stores and buy a lot of name-brand clothes). At some point I guess they'll figure it out, but I have a really hard time believing that the kids will care. Grownups tend to be more preoccupied with that stuff.

I don't know...we live in a tiny original brick colonial (the kind all over NWDC, Bethesda, Silver Spring, built in 1939/40...). Some private school friends came to visit and one asked, "Why is your house so small?" The mother was mortified.

I find it hard to host playdates as the wealthier kids just have nicer set-ups for plays (HUGE basements, BIG tvs, TONS of toys, etc). However, we do host kids at the pool, park, etc, to kind of even it out.

It gets easier when they're older. My 5th grade ds's friends don't care how tiny our house is. They only notice the big tv, the xbox, and the snacks.

Really, you don't sound like a private parent to me. Kids and students segregate by SES at our private.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Good luck with the party/sleepover hosting, let me guess you're just starting out and DS is in pk-3? Hopefully, your DS will not be made to feel ashamed at school. The kids talk about what they have and where they're going on vacation constantly. During all of their bragging, will DS captively listen, try to ignore them, or to save face and contribute to the conversation will he lie?

Wait...where you being sarcastic?

Really tasteless trying to shame/scare the pp.
We live in a tiny row house in a less than desirable neighborhood and we just started upper ES age dc in an independent this year. Dc has a very outgoing personality and rose to stardom pretty fast (which I don't quite know what to do with because I was and still am a wallflower). He has friends over often, and no one has ever said a word to him about how much money we're lacking. The parents might talk among themselves...or maybe driving to our home might have helped some realize they should change their perspective. Either way, he's happy and thriving, and no one has ever pointed out that we're not keeping up with the Jonses. I would like to think that's because what we have in common is that we value the quality of our kids' education.

PP here -- thanks for chiming in! I'm so glad your independent school is working out well for your DC.

I do think it's funny because of the stereotypes that everyone has about who receives FA. We'll probably fly under the radar for a while because DS is blonde and blue-eyed, and is as likely to be wearing Hanna or Tea Collection as he is to be wearing Circo or Garanimals (I love shopping at thrift stores and buy a lot of name-brand clothes). At some point I guess they'll figure it out, but I have a really hard time believing that the kids will care. Grownups tend to be more preoccupied with that stuff.

I don't know...we live in a tiny original brick colonial (the kind all over NWDC, Bethesda, Silver Spring, built in 1939/40...). Some private school friends came to visit and one asked, "Why is your house so small?" The mother was mortified.

I find it hard to host playdates as the wealthier kids just have nicer set-ups for plays (HUGE basements, BIG tvs, TONS of toys, etc). However, we do host kids at the pool, park, etc, to kind of even it out.

It gets easier when they're older. My 5th grade ds's friends don't care how tiny our house is. They only notice the big tv, the xbox, and the snacks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Good luck with the party/sleepover hosting, let me guess you're just starting out and DS is in pk-3? Hopefully, your DS will not be made to feel ashamed at school. The kids talk about what they have and where they're going on vacation constantly. During all of their bragging, will DS captively listen, try to ignore them, or to save face and contribute to the conversation will he lie?

Wait...where you being sarcastic?

Really tasteless trying to shame/scare the pp.
We live in a tiny row house in a less than desirable neighborhood and we just started upper ES age dc in an independent this year. Dc has a very outgoing personality and rose to stardom pretty fast (which I don't quite know what to do with because I was and still am a wallflower). He has friends over often, and no one has ever said a word to him about how much money we're lacking. The parents might talk among themselves...or maybe driving to our home might have helped some realize they should change their perspective. Either way, he's happy and thriving, and no one has ever pointed out that we're not keeping up with the Jonses. I would like to think that's because what we have in common is that we value the quality of our kids' education.

PP here -- thanks for chiming in! I'm so glad your independent school is working out well for your DC.

I do think it's funny because of the stereotypes that everyone has about who receives FA. We'll probably fly under the radar for a while because DS is blonde and blue-eyed, and is as likely to be wearing Hanna or Tea Collection as he is to be wearing Circo or Garanimals (I love shopping at thrift stores and buy a lot of name-brand clothes). At some point I guess they'll figure it out, but I have a really hard time believing that the kids will care. Grownups tend to be more preoccupied with that stuff.

I don't know...we live in a tiny original brick colonial (the kind all over NWDC, Bethesda, Silver Spring, built in 1939/40...). Some private school friends came to visit and one asked, "Why is your house so small?" The mother was mortified.

I find it hard to host playdates as the wealthier kids just have nicer set-ups for plays (HUGE basements, BIG tvs, TONS of toys, etc). However, we do host kids at the pool, park, etc, to kind of even it out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:11 put the issues really well, giving a fair hearing to both sides. We've had our kids in private and public schools, so I hope I can be equally balanced.

Yes, private schools have better specials, like art and music, and particularly in ES. Also, social studies, language and science instruction are better in private schools at the elementary level, although in public ES this varies a bit by where you live. (If you can win a public school language immersion lottery, and language is important to you, then public schools win hands down - but that's for a small minority of public school kids.) Public schools catch up by MS and HS in many of these subject areas, but it would be nice to have cultivated an interest in these when the children are younger.

For this and other reasons, public school parents are obsessed with getting into the magnet programs. Not everyone, but very many families, and particularly in the down-county consortium, see the magnets as the gold ring.

It's painful to say the next thing. Some parents see private schools as a way to help middle-of-the-road kids get into highly selective colleges. Private schools offer more individualized instruction, and great college counseling and contacts, that may help a middle-of-the-road student who might get lost at the local public mega-high school.

Public school parents are increasingly comforted by data showing that, for the same kid, entrance to highly selective colleges is as likely, or more likely, coming from a public than from a private school. Private school parents counter that their kid will be a different kid in a private school environment.

Diversity is the elephant in the room. Private school parents worry about peer group, sometimes as much or more than the things they are comfortable mentioning openly, like the "great specials" and "great writing" they at their private schools. Many private school parents think that by putting their kids in a cohort with college-bound kids they will ensure their own kids have a good attitude towards education and college. Private school parents like to think their private schools have real diversity, incuding SES diversity, because there are lots of kids of color including 2-3 low-income FA kids to provide SES diversity. But having had kids in a well-regarded area private school, I have to say that most of the minority kids were as rich, or richer, than we were. There is very little SES diversity in private schools, we need to admit this, folks.

Public school parents also secretly worry about peer group, although they won't tell you that. They worry about this until their kids get into magnet programs or find a good clique in middle and high school - or not. On the other hand, public school parents also feel that exposing their kids to real diversity, instead of the private school greenhouse environment, they will give their kids an advantage in the real world.

Now for something a little silly. Some private school parents (not all!) also think they are buying "connections" for their kids that will set them up for life. As a private school parent, I think this idea is incredibly dated. Frankly, we made some good connections as the parents in a private school, but I'm totally unconvinced our kids' classmates are going to do greater things than the kids they met in public schools.

Signed,

White parent of kids who have been in private and public magnet and immersion schools

Flame away!

I think that's an extreme version of it but I do see friends in the area who attended some of the Big 3 schools back in the early 90's who have made social and business connections over the years that I could never make. It certainly didn't set them up for life but it did get them jobs and relationships they would not otherwise have had access to.

I used to participate in the hiring process at a fairly prestigious private sector entity, and applicants who were from Washington and had gone to one of the local independent schools absolutely got a bump in the process. It didn't deliver the job -- they had to have credentials and interview well -- but it definitely helped the resume get picked out of the pile.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Good luck with the party/sleepover hosting, let me guess you're just starting out and DS is in pk-3? Hopefully, your DS will not be made to feel ashamed at school. The kids talk about what they have and where they're going on vacation constantly. During all of their bragging, will DS captively listen, try to ignore them, or to save face and contribute to the conversation will he lie?

Wait...where you being sarcastic?

Really tasteless trying to shame/scare the pp.
We live in a tiny row house in a less than desirable neighborhood and we just started upper ES age dc in an independent this year. Dc has a very outgoing personality and rose to stardom pretty fast (which I don't quite know what to do with because I was and still am a wallflower). He has friends over often, and no one has ever said a word to him about how much money we're lacking. The parents might talk among themselves...or maybe driving to our home might have helped some realize they should change their perspective. Either way, he's happy and thriving, and no one has ever pointed out that we're not keeping up with the Jonses. I would like to think that's because what we have in common is that we value the quality of our kids' education.

PP here -- thanks for chiming in! I'm so glad your independent school is working out well for your DC.

I do think it's funny because of the stereotypes that everyone has about who receives FA. We'll probably fly under the radar for a while because DS is blonde and blue-eyed, and is as likely to be wearing Hanna or Tea Collection as he is to be wearing Circo or Garanimals (I love shopping at thrift stores and buy a lot of name-brand clothes). At some point I guess they'll figure it out, but I have a really hard time believing that the kids will care. Grownups tend to be more preoccupied with that stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Do you live in the Deep South? Because no public school teaches creationism around here, every single public school teaches sex ed, YA novels are encouraged, and teachers would be fired if they tried to proselytize. (I was with you until you started talking about "resorting to religion" and sounding like one of those atheists who always cries about persecution.)

DC is well south of the Mason Dixon line and people be as culturally Southern as in Mississippi. My experience is limited to what I've seen volunteer tutoring in DC and NoVa. While the school curriculum doesn't teach creationism, a hefty proportion of the students begin discussion of evolution with "the Bible says." The schools are not allowed to teach condom use or other practical lessons on sexuality no matter what the teen pregnancy rate is. And while there are no formal religious activities, I've met more than one teacher that works in "Praise, Jesus" and bible quotes on a regular basis in the classroom.

I'm not an atheist that cries about persecution, I want my child to understand the rational basis for morality to go along with the faith/beliefs he chooses. And I don't need to whine, because I chose a non-sectarian private school where these issues would be less likely to pop up.

Anonymous wrote:
Do you live in the Deep South? Because no public school teaches creationism around here, every single public school teaches sex ed, YA novels are encouraged, and teachers would be fired if they tried to proselytize. (I was with you until you started talking about "resorting to religion" and sounding like one of those atheists who always cries about persecution.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Good luck with the party/sleepover hosting, let me guess you're just starting out and DS is in pk-3? Hopefully, your DS will not be made to feel ashamed at school. The kids talk about what they have and where they're going on vacation constantly. During all of their bragging, will DS captively listen, try to ignore them, or to save face and contribute to the conversation will he lie?

Wait...where you being sarcastic?

Really tasteless trying to shame/scare the pp.
We live in a tiny row house in a less than desirable neighborhood and we just started upper ES age dc in an independent this year. Dc has a very outgoing personality and rose to stardom pretty fast (which I don't quite know what to do with because I was and still am a wallflower). He has friends over often, and no one has ever said a word to him about how much money we're lacking. The parents might talk among themselves...or maybe driving to our home might have helped some realize they should change their perspective. Either way, he's happy and thriving, and no one has ever pointed out that we're not keeping up with the Jonses. I would like to think that's because what we have in common is that we value the quality of our kids' education.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thank you for your perspective!

DS is about to start at a Big 3 with major FA. I'm going to make it a point to host as many parties and sleepovers as I can in our tiny urban rowhouse. I want him to know that having more or less money is nothing to be proud/ashamed of -- it just is.

Good luck with the party/sleepover hosting, let me guess you're just starting out and DS is in pk-3? Hopefully, your DS will not be made to feel ashamed at school. The kids talk about what they have and where they're going on vacation constantly. During all of their bragging, will DS captively listen, try to ignore them, or to save face and contribute to the conversation will he lie?

Wait...where you being sarcastic?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Do you live in the Deep South? Because no public school teaches creationism around here, every single public school teaches sex ed, YA novels are encouraged, and teachers would be fired if they tried to proselytize. (I was with you until you started talking about "resorting to religion" and sounding like one of those atheists who always cries about persecution.)

I think it depends on the school...

Have you been to any of the parent meetings in public schools prior to the start of sex ed? There are lots of concerns raised and in our local public every year there are at least 4 or 5 kids who are not able to participate. What teachers can/can't say is very detailed and often the discussion is discouraged b/c teachers are afraid of saying the right thing. There are also many popular books that are not "approved" and can't be in the school library.

Privates I've been involved with may tell parents that they are starting sex ed, but there is little discussion of what can/can't be taught. They have their curriculum and will teach it. They will often take lots of time on class discussion and really answer kids questions.

I work in a public school and have kids in both public and private. Oddly, in my experience, parents have a much larger voice in many public schools than many privates... and publics are way more worried about being politically correct, so much so that things get completely ignored that could be discussed in respectful ways that really helped kids understand and respect differences

Anonymous wrote: