He's probably 18 now (op said 'spring) so hopefully the dc and the op don't have to worry about this anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There IS something wrong with a parent who makes no effort for their kid. If dad really wanyed to see his son, he could have agreed to switch the driving, and be the one to pick up his son.

Dad probably works. He did want to see his kid and op has said he was flexible. He gave up Friday nights and that was not good enough.

Sigh.

Anonymous wrote:There IS something wrong with a parent who makes no effort for their kid. If dad really wanyed to see his son, he could have agreed to switch the driving, and be the one to pick up his son.

Dad probably works. He did want to see his kid and op has said he was flexible. He gave up Friday nights and that was not good enough.

This post went of the rails.

Stay strong OP. Keep a calendar marking off the days until your son turns 18.

There IS something wrong with a parent who makes no effort for their kid. If dad really wanyed to see his son, he could have agreed to switch the driving, and be the one to pick up his son.

Anonymous wrote:Op you simply don’t get it and aren’t a nice person if you advocate a child not seeing their dad and making everything else a priority but their parent.

You sound like a very checked out hands off parent. No wonder your kids are never home. They have to get support elsewhere.

OP hasn't posted here in quite some time, I don't think.

But OP's situation was, her 17 year old WANTED to stay with her. The 17 year old did NOT want to go spend quality time with his dad, 4 weekend days per month. Think about that.

By your own logic, doesn't that mean there was something wrong with the DAD? "Sad that your kid doesn't want to spend time with the dad - must be something wrong with the home environment". Right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So, why are you posting here? Kinda sad how little time you spend with them. Maybe they hide in their room for a reason.

Yes, she works in her room because as he has a desk and her bed there, it's quiet. I'm not going to interact with her while she's doing homework. It's not my project, and she certainly doesn't need me directing her work or telling heevwhst to write.

Tell me how you interact with your high school senior on his homework. Are you still supervising his homework? Is he able to complete work independently? Or do you need to watch over him to make as sure it gets done? Kinda worried about your kid - sounds like he might not be ready for college independence in addition to being a recluse.

I have slightly younger kids and yes, we still support them - read papers, tutoring help if needed. And, yes we verify work is done. Kinda sad you don't interact at all with yours. That speaks volumes. Perhaps mine are on a more advanced track than yours. Same thing my parents did. Managed just fine in college. Why are you so invested in those that are divorced if you aren't?

Slightly younger kids. Exactly Come back when they are 17.

Anonymous wrote:Op you simply don’t get it and aren’t a nice person if you advocate a child not seeing their dad and making everything else a priority but their parent.

You sound like a very checked out hands off parent. No wonder your kids are never home.
They have to get support elsewhere.

Dp. You don't seem to get that this dad is not making it a priority to be a part of his son's life.

I'm trying to imagine a senior doing homework in the kitchen so their parent can somehow interact with them at the same time. It would be distracting.

Op you simply don’t get it and aren’t a nice person if you advocate a child not seeing their dad and making everything else a priority but their parent.

You sound like a very checked out hands off parent. No wonder your kids are never home. They have to get support elsewhere.

Anonymous wrote:
You really have no clue about divorce/custody and looking to argue. Yes, my kids are on the advanced track. It's sad you cannot help them with homework. The discussion is about divorce/visitation and a parent who only gets 4 days a month and the mother is refusing the four days. You have no idea what it's like just seeing your child 4 days a month so stop acting like you understand.

I admit I am looking to argue, because you are a very not nice person.

I do know about 17 year olds. The discussion was specifically about a 17 year old high school student and the relevant information about this age group is that the student was being required to move 90 minutes away 50% of the weekend time. Away from friends, away from sports, away from clubs and weekend jobs, and that the dad in question didn't seem to think that was a concern at all, didn't try to make it possible for the 17 year old to have a car or transportation to be able to go back to the town he lived in in order to participate in all those things.

The entire discussion of a high school senior students' schedule then came up because I (and many others) said it was completely developmentally and emotionally normal for a high school student to spend the majority of his awake hours with friends not with parents at home. You then come on and keep talking about how the most important thing for a 17 year old is to spend time with his parents, and that anyone whose kids don't do that have something wrong with them, must have a bad home life, etc.

You can help them with the college application process. They should be done with financial aid by now. Why aren't you spending time with them doing that?

What is your problem with letting 17 year olds be independent? I don't NEED to help my student do her college applications. That was her job, she had to write all her essays. I helped her of course with the FAFSA and the CSS Profile. (If you are divorced, I'm sure you know all about how hard that one will be.) Now it is time to write essays for scholarships - no, they are not all done yet; deadline for some is in May. But again, this is for her to do. I don't consider that I have to sit with her and spend time with her to get these things done.

Yes, we read over papers and support them. My kids started Algebra in 6th, so I think most would consider them advanced. They start AP classes in 9th grade, not wait till senior year.

Yes, my kids also started APs in 9th grade. By senior year, mine were doing all their course work independently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Monday night. We only have one activity but our world is very different than yours. Mine don't hide in their rooms. They enjoy being with us. Tonight was one activity and tutoring for one subject.

Be specific. You have two kids - I'm assuming one of them is a high school senior right? Because that's what we are talking about here - older high school students.

So your high school senior had an activity after school? I am confused by your mention that "WE" had one activity. Your high school senior had an activity that you... tagged along with? Until what hour?

Then your 17 year old drove himself home? or you picked him up? At what time?

Specifically - what did this evening you describe look like for your older high school teen? He had tutoring from what time to what time? Did you all cook dinner together? Did he have homework after the tutoring? He didn't "Hide himself in his room" so does that mean he sits at a dining room table and works on his homework? Or doesn't he have any homework in his high school?

Please tell me exactly HOW MANY HOURS you and your 17 year old high school senior spent together that day.. and what activities you all are doing together, on a Monday night. I really want to understand what this kind of family life looks like.

Please don't tell me about your 13 year old. That's not what we are talking about here.

The discussion ice about divorce. The discussion is about a father getting 4 days a month with his son. If the situation were we had full custody, my kid/s would be missing that to spend with the other parent as family is a priority.

Your kids clearly hid in their room for a reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So, why are you posting here? Kinda sad how little time you spend with them. Maybe they hide in their room for a reason.

Yes, she works in her room because as he has a desk and her bed there, it's quiet. I'm not going to interact with her while she's doing homework. It's not my project, and she certainly doesn't need me directing her work or telling heevwhst to write.

Tell me how you interact with your high school senior on his homework. Are you still supervising his homework? Is he able to complete work independently? Or do you need to watch over him to make as sure it gets done? Kinda worried about your kid - sounds like he might not be ready for college independence in addition to being a recluse.

I have slightly younger kids and yes, we still support them - read papers, tutoring help if needed. And, yes we verify work is done. Kinda sad you don't interact at all with yours. That speaks volumes. Perhaps mine are on a more advanced track than yours. Same thing my parents did. Managed just fine in college. Why are you so invested in those that are divorced if you aren't?

You are a weird person. "Kinda sad you don't interact at all with yours. That speaks volumes." What the heck?

So OK. Talk me through this. You "verify work is done"? For "slightly younger kids". OK, so you do NOT have a high school senior. Your kids are 13 and 15 maybe? You still have to verify that they are doing their homework and you have to read their papers? That's part of your homework routine?

Well, by senior year, I would hope and expect things would change-- that is, if your kids are on an advanced academic track. Yes, my kids are/were very academically advanced, with 5-6 AP courses senior year. Believe me, I am not verifying any coursework is completed! I should hope I don't have to! These are college bound kids for Pete's sake - and anyhow, no way could I help with AP physics.

Senior year? These kids have just finished the long slog of the college application process and applying for scholarships... and are now deeply involved in finishing individual and group capstone projects and studying for their AP exams. No, there's no need to look over their shoulder and help but I'm available if they need me...

As I would be available over the phone or Zoom for that matter if they are in college. Or if they weren't in my physical custody.

You really have no clue about divorce/custody and looking to argue. Yes, my kids are on the advanced track. It's sad you cannot help them with homework. The discussion is about divorce/visitation and a parent who only gets 4 days a month and the mother is refusing the four days. You have no idea what it's like just seeing your child 4 days a month so stop acting like you understand.

You can help them with the college application process. They should be done with financial aid by now. Why aren't you spending time with them doing that?

Yes, we read over papers and support them. My kids started Algebra in 6th, so I think most would consider them advanced. They start AP classes in 9th grade, not wait till senior year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So, why are you posting here? Kinda sad how little time you spend with them. Maybe they hide in their room for a reason.

Yes, she works in her room because as he has a desk and her bed there, it's quiet. I'm not going to interact with her while she's doing homework. It's not my project, and she certainly doesn't need me directing her work or telling heevwhst to write.

Tell me how you interact with your high school senior on his homework. Are you still supervising his homework? Is he able to complete work independently? Or do you need to watch over him to make as sure it gets done? Kinda worried about your kid - sounds like he might not be ready for college independence in addition to being a recluse.

I have slightly younger kids and yes, we still support them - read papers, tutoring help if needed. And, yes we verify work is done. Kinda sad you don't interact at all with yours. That speaks volumes. Perhaps mine are on a more advanced track than yours. Same thing my parents did. Managed just fine in college. Why are you so invested in those that are divorced if you aren't?

You are a weird person. "Kinda sad you don't interact at all with yours. That speaks volumes." What the heck?

So OK. Talk me through this. You "verify work is done"? For "slightly younger kids". OK, so you do NOT have a high school senior. Your kids are 13 and 15 maybe? You still have to verify that they are doing their homework and you have to read their papers? That's part of your homework routine?

Well, by senior year, I would hope and expect things would change-- that is, if your kids are on an advanced academic track. Yes, my kids are/were very academically advanced, with 5-6 AP courses senior year. Believe me, I am not verifying any coursework is completed! I should hope I don't have to! These are college bound kids for Pete's sake - and anyhow, no way could I help with AP physics.

Senior year? These kids have just finished the long slog of the college application process and applying for scholarships... and are now deeply involved in finishing individual and group capstone projects and studying for their AP exams. No, there's no need to look over their shoulder and help but I'm available if they need me...

As I would be available over the phone or Zoom for that matter if they are in college. Or if they weren't in my physical custody.

Anonymous wrote:

Monday night. We only have one activity but our world is very different than yours. Mine don't hide in their rooms. They enjoy being with us. Tonight was one activity and tutoring for one subject.

Be specific. You have two kids - I'm assuming one of them is a high school senior right? Because that's what we are talking about here - older high school students.

So your high school senior had an activity after school? I am confused by your mention that "WE" had one activity. Your high school senior had an activity that you... tagged along with? Until what hour?

Then your 17 year old drove himself home? or you picked him up? At what time?

Specifically - what did this evening you describe look like for your older high school teen? He had tutoring from what time to what time? Did you all cook dinner together? Did he have homework after the tutoring? He didn't "Hide himself in his room" so does that mean he sits at a dining room table and works on his homework? Or doesn't he have any homework in his high school?

Please tell me exactly HOW MANY HOURS you and your 17 year old high school senior spent together that day.. and what activities you all are doing together, on a Monday night. I really want to understand what this kind of family life looks like.

Please don't tell me about your 13 year old. That's not what we are talking about here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How much time do you spend every school day with your older teenagers, anyhow? How many hours? And what are you all doing together all evening long? I'm curious. Are you spending 5-11 PM together nightly with your 17 year olds? Today is Monday - what quality things have you done with your high school senior?

I'm waiting -- tell me what your evening schedule with your high school senior has been today.

Here's mine:

My kid left the house (before me) to work out, so I didn't see her. I left for work. She came home, showered, changed, and drove to school. School was over at 3:30, she did about an hour of tutoring for NHS and then went to practice until 6:30. Came home at 7, grabbed a quick bite to eat and chatted with me - I saw her for 30 minutes, just long enough to remind her to take the trash out. She's been holed up in her room doing homework where she'll be till probably 10 PM as she has a big group project due later this week and is also writing an essay for a college scholarship application. I might see her another 30 minutes or so; she tends to want to chat around 11 just as I am heading to bed, probably she'll ask me to proofread her scholarship essay.

So that's it - that's our "time" together - about 30 minutes from 6:30-7:00 and then another 30 minutes 10:30-11:00.

Tell me how your high school senior is spending his or her Monday having quality time with you.

Mondays are our easy day but yes, I see mine way more. Mine doesn’t hole the self up in their room for homework for starters.

I didn't ask you if you saw your teen. I asked you to describe your interaction with them last night. What were your activities with the them.

My senior coukd have sat at the dining room table instead of in her room butbher room has her desk and it's where she prefers to work, so I'm not going to tell her she has to work at the table so I can "see" her. I'd have to sit at the table with her wouldn't I? That's completely nuts. Is that what you are calling "quality time with your 17 year old?" The kid has to be physically present with the parent for it to count?

Monday night. We only have one activity but our world is very different than yours. Mine don't hide in their rooms. They enjoy being with us. Tonight was one activity and tutoring for one subject.