Anonymous
12/05/2019 14:29
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:My DH has no problem giving me "suggestions" or plain outright criticizing me, often in regards to stuff he doesn't handle, but God forbid I make the slightest suggestion to him.
And if i tell him he's welcome to take over something if he feels that strongly about it? (Aka, you don't like what I've been making for dinner this week? You're more than welcome to do all the meal planning and grocery shopping and making dinner every night after working all day) Total non-starter.
Amen, sister. My most repeated line to him is “if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself”. And if you don’t, the only appropriate response is “thank you”.
Anonymous
12/05/2019 14:12
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:I’m so tired of doing all the *thinking* going into keeping our family and household running. This is why I’m not in the mood — my mind is too caught up in figuring out who needs a prescription refill, what permission forms need to go back, and whether the kids need new underwear.
Nah, you've got it backwards. You're just not attracted to your DH any more, so now your mind is making up a big cloud of distractions. If you were attracted to your DH, none of that crap would stop you from "being in the mood".
Anonymous
12/05/2019 14:03
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Kids. They ruin everything
we gave ours to another family and told them we'd be back in 18 years. best decision we ever made. they came out alright and everything too and dont resent us for not being there as they were growing up. we did drop by and stuff, but you know what i mean.
You're joking right??!
nah
Anonymous
12/05/2019 13:40
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Kids. They ruin everything
we gave ours to another family and told them we'd be back in 18 years. best decision we ever made. they came out alright and everything too and dont resent us for not being there as they were growing up. we did drop by and stuff, but you know what i mean.
You're joking right??!
Anonymous
12/05/2019 12:56
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
I’m so tired of doing all the *thinking* going into keeping our family and household running. This is why I’m not in the mood — my mind is too caught up in figuring out who needs a prescription refill, what permission forms need to go back, and whether the kids need new underwear.
Anonymous
12/05/2019 12:52
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What's wrong? 2 yrs ago he tells me he's functionally illiterate and my being pissed and feeling stupid for not knowing.
Early on I took care of all details concerning money, retirement planning, buying house, taxes, insurance...all the stuff that matters for a stable future. When kids came along, I could still handle it all until my career took off and kids moved into teenage years and needed more than just him being their social secretary and chauffeur. As I asked him to take on some of the financial details and decisions for kids future (FAFSA, CSS Profile or just completing something of the darn forms for ANYTHING...he always needed "help" to get it done. Constantly asking, "can you show me". Nobody showed me a darn thing, I just got online and figured it out. Even our teenage kids got sick of him always asking for "help" to find this, or do that. Ugh!!.
I chalked it up to him being too lazy and it being my fault bcse I did it all before. I stayed bcse of kids and now that they are launched I told him I was leaving, he asked way, I gave list of reasons (all of which I had been saying for 8 YEARS!!). That's when he spills the beans that he CAN read, but doesn't know what a lot of stuff means. WTF? Was I so desperate for a mate 30 years ago that I could not see that?
He's a great dad and would give you the clothes off his back. He has no motivation and recently his self confidence and esteem seems to have left. However, he swears he is so HAPPY. What I see is a man happily content in his mediocrity. I knew it was truly over when I asked if he was going to find a literacy program and he said - why?
What does he do for a living? Did he ever move up at his job?
Yeah I don't understand this. Does he have a super low IQ or something? Why did you marry him?
Anonymous
12/05/2019 12:52
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
My anxiety and his ADHD
Anonymous
12/05/2019 12:48
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Kids. They ruin everything
we gave ours to another family and told them we'd be back in 18 years. best decision we ever made. they came out alright and everything too and dont resent us for not being there as they were growing up. we did drop by and stuff, but you know what i mean.
Anonymous
12/05/2019 12:46
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Kids. They ruin everything
Anonymous
12/05/2019 12:11
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What's wrong? 2 yrs ago he tells me he's functionally illiterate and my being pissed and feeling stupid for not knowing.
Early on I took care of all details concerning money, retirement planning, buying house, taxes, insurance...all the stuff that matters for a stable future. When kids came along, I could still handle it all until my career took off and kids moved into teenage years and needed more than just him being their social secretary and chauffeur. As I asked him to take on some of the financial details and decisions for kids future (FAFSA, CSS Profile or just completing something of the darn forms for ANYTHING...he always needed "help" to get it done. Constantly asking, "can you show me". Nobody showed me a darn thing, I just got online and figured it out. Even our teenage kids got sick of him always asking for "help" to find this, or do that. Ugh!!.
I chalked it up to him being too lazy and it being my fault bcse I did it all before. I stayed bcse of kids and now that they are launched I told him I was leaving, he asked way, I gave list of reasons (all of which I had been saying for 8 YEARS!!). That's when he spills the beans that he CAN read, but doesn't know what a lot of stuff means. WTF? Was I so desperate for a mate 30 years ago that I could not see that?
He's a great dad and would give you the clothes off his back. He has no motivation and recently his self confidence and esteem seems to have left. However, he swears he is so HAPPY. What I see is a man happily content in his mediocrity. I knew it was truly over when I asked if he was going to find a literacy program and he said - why?
What does he do for a living? Did he ever move up at his job?
He never read to your kids? Ever?
Anonymous
12/05/2019 12:07
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:What's wrong? 2 yrs ago he tells me he's functionally illiterate and my being pissed and feeling stupid for not knowing.
Early on I took care of all details concerning money, retirement planning, buying house, taxes, insurance...all the stuff that matters for a stable future. When kids came along, I could still handle it all until my career took off and kids moved into teenage years and needed more than just him being their social secretary and chauffeur. As I asked him to take on some of the financial details and decisions for kids future (FAFSA, CSS Profile or just completing something of the darn forms for ANYTHING...he always needed "help" to get it done. Constantly asking, "can you show me". Nobody showed me a darn thing, I just got online and figured it out. Even our teenage kids got sick of him always asking for "help" to find this, or do that. Ugh!!.
I chalked it up to him being too lazy and it being my fault bcse I did it all before. I stayed bcse of kids and now that they are launched I told him I was leaving, he asked way, I gave list of reasons (all of which I had been saying for 8 YEARS!!). That's when he spills the beans that he CAN read, but doesn't know what a lot of stuff means. WTF? Was I so desperate for a mate 30 years ago that I could not see that?
He's a great dad and would give you the clothes off his back. He has no motivation and recently his self confidence and esteem seems to have left. However, he swears he is so HAPPY. What I see is a man happily content in his mediocrity. I knew it was truly over when I asked if he was going to find a literacy program and he said - why?
What does he do for a living? Did he ever move up at his job?
Anonymous
12/05/2019 12:01
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
I just can’t believe this reason- someone is not good at filling out paperwork!!!! Sorry.
Anonymous
12/05/2019 12:00
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Omg I am a divorced mom with de facto full custody and I fill out all the papers myself, and plenty of other people do too! My ex is similar and always asked me for help with papers. I don’t mind, that’s not why we divorced.
I think it is not THE reason you want to leave. Maybe you see no sense in living with him as kids are grown and you don’t need money?
I think it is not THE reason you want to leave. Maybe you see no sense in living with him as kids are grown and you don’t need money?
Anonymous
12/05/2019 07:08
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
What's wrong? 2 yrs ago he tells me he's functionally illiterate and my being pissed and feeling stupid for not knowing.
Early on I took care of all details concerning money, retirement planning, buying house, taxes, insurance...all the stuff that matters for a stable future. When kids came along, I could still handle it all until my career took off and kids moved into teenage years and needed more than just him being their social secretary and chauffeur. As I asked him to take on some of the financial details and decisions for kids future (FAFSA, CSS Profile or just completing something of the darn forms for ANYTHING...he always needed "help" to get it done. Constantly asking, "can you show me". Nobody showed me a darn thing, I just got online and figured it out. Even our teenage kids got sick of him always asking for "help" to find this, or do that. Ugh!!.
I chalked it up to him being too lazy and it being my fault bcse I did it all before. I stayed bcse of kids and now that they are launched I told him I was leaving, he asked way, I gave list of reasons (all of which I had been saying for 8 YEARS!!). That's when he spills the beans that he CAN read, but doesn't know what a lot of stuff means. WTF? Was I so desperate for a mate 30 years ago that I could not see that?
He's a great dad and would give you the clothes off his back. He has no motivation and recently his self confidence and esteem seems to have left. However, he swears he is so HAPPY. What I see is a man happily content in his mediocrity. I knew it was truly over when I asked if he was going to find a literacy program and he said - why?
Early on I took care of all details concerning money, retirement planning, buying house, taxes, insurance...all the stuff that matters for a stable future. When kids came along, I could still handle it all until my career took off and kids moved into teenage years and needed more than just him being their social secretary and chauffeur. As I asked him to take on some of the financial details and decisions for kids future (FAFSA, CSS Profile or just completing something of the darn forms for ANYTHING...he always needed "help" to get it done. Constantly asking, "can you show me". Nobody showed me a darn thing, I just got online and figured it out. Even our teenage kids got sick of him always asking for "help" to find this, or do that. Ugh!!.
I chalked it up to him being too lazy and it being my fault bcse I did it all before. I stayed bcse of kids and now that they are launched I told him I was leaving, he asked way, I gave list of reasons (all of which I had been saying for 8 YEARS!!). That's when he spills the beans that he CAN read, but doesn't know what a lot of stuff means. WTF? Was I so desperate for a mate 30 years ago that I could not see that?
He's a great dad and would give you the clothes off his back. He has no motivation and recently his self confidence and esteem seems to have left. However, he swears he is so HAPPY. What I see is a man happily content in his mediocrity. I knew it was truly over when I asked if he was going to find a literacy program and he said - why?
Anonymous
12/04/2019 19:47
Subject: whats the core issue in your marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Don’t y’all think it’s all biology?
First it’s to attract a mate to have kids, then it’s to rear kids and keep the mate to help, then if another female is interested suddenly the male needs to be kept from straying (and endangering the kids’ wellbeing), thus renewed interest in sex.
I am surprised how much the component of “we need the male to stay and take care of us” is still there. It is achieved through divorce stigma, big child support and alimony payouts, etc. BTW the latter I support, the former not so much. It’s not healthy to have to contain sexual energy... there needs to be a low risk low cost solution. I don’t know what it will be exactly but won’t society find it one day?
I am a woman fwiw whose ex could never get enough but then gave up, became a prick and left eventually. I have my own gripes with him so I wasn’t heartbroken, but I totally understand his reasoning.
I know what you mean. At the end of the day, it's biology. It doesn't excuse cheating but it's not always about the relationship. It's ok if it's someones deal breaker, it's not mine
I guess she meant prostitution. It sounds good and peachy for all those lazy ass wives . . . Until it's their young tween/teenage daughter that is sex trafficked to some horny-ass sexless husband. Oh yea, outsource THAT portion cause its "low risk, low cost." How do you think it works in the real world?
Just d%mn clueless.