Anonymous wrote:Ok, I'm starting to believe that SAHM might be bored, they have spent a LOT of effort on this thread.

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I'm starting to believe that SAHM might be bored, they have spent a LOT of effort on this thread.

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Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).

DP... I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound like great marriage. I've been both a wohm, sahm, wfh, PT, etc... Marriage is a partnership.

Marriage is a partnership, ideally, but then again life is not ideal. The kind of man who respects his wife being at home was not the kind of man who would be attracted to me - I'm too competitive

I'm glad that works for you, but my DH respects me whether I choose to be sahm or wohm, and I've done both. Your marriage sounds more like a competition.

Yes, we are both competitive, and our marriage is much more egalitarian than most of our friends'.

Sure... "egalitarian." Exactly the word that came to mind when reading the description of your marriage.

There is no gender divide in our parenting. We both taught/are teaching the kids to drive. Whoever is cooking depends on the night of the week. We make all financial decisions truly jointly. I realize this wouldn't suit many of you posters, but it works for us and has for over 20 years.

"No gender divide"! Hysterical. In our house, we don't call it a "gender divide," we call it "personal preference." Which means that my daughter, who hates emptying the dishwasher, is on trash duty. My son enjoys cooking, so he cooks dinner twice a week. Like you, both my husband and I teach the kids to drive, but we simply base it on who's available. I wouldn't care less if my husband wanted to do it all the time, because frankly, I hate it. I get carsick if I'm not driving. Who cares who teaches the kids to drive??

As for our financial decisions, they're also made "truly jointly." Why would you assume otherwise? I pay all the bills and we both decide what investments to make. It's not rocket science. You're so wrapped up in gender roles - or, rather, making a big point to defy them - that you just look foolish and boring. Your marriage sounds horrible.

My father split everything completely by gender role, and didn't respect what my mother did at home. He bought cars, even a house, without consulting her. They did not make financial decisions jointly at all. You damn right we split everything down the middle. I'm glad none of you SAHMs saw your own SAH mothers disrespected by your fathers.

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Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).

DP... I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound like great marriage. I've been both a wohm, sahm, wfh, PT, etc... Marriage is a partnership.

Marriage is a partnership, ideally, but then again life is not ideal. The kind of man who respects his wife being at home was not the kind of man who would be attracted to me - I'm too competitive

I'm glad that works for you, but my DH respects me whether I choose to be sahm or wohm, and I've done both. Your marriage sounds more like a competition.

Yes, we are both competitive, and our marriage is much more egalitarian than most of our friends'.

Sure... "egalitarian." Exactly the word that came to mind when reading the description of your marriage.

There is no gender divide in our parenting. We both taught/are teaching the kids to drive. Whoever is cooking depends on the night of the week. We make all financial decisions truly jointly. I realize this wouldn't suit many of you posters, but it works for us and has for over 20 years.

Anonymous wrote:I am not bored! I am "retired" after hitting my retirement number at age 51, and we still have two teens at home. I did enjoy my career, and (most of the time) found it possible to combine work and parenting, but am happy to slow way down now. I have the security of knowing BTDT, so happy not to be driven to continue working.

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Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).

DP... I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound like great marriage. I've been both a wohm, sahm, wfh, PT, etc... Marriage is a partnership.

Marriage is a partnership, ideally, but then again life is not ideal. The kind of man who respects his wife being at home was not the kind of man who would be attracted to me - I'm too competitive

I'm glad that works for you, but my DH respects me whether I choose to be sahm or wohm, and I've done both. Your marriage sounds more like a competition.

Yes, we are both competitive, and our marriage is much more egalitarian than most of our friends'.

Sure... "egalitarian." Exactly the word that came to mind when reading the description of your marriage.

There is no gender divide in our parenting. We both taught/are teaching the kids to drive. Whoever is cooking depends on the night of the week. We make all financial decisions truly jointly. I realize this wouldn't suit many of you posters, but it works for us and has for over 20 years.

"No gender divide"! Hysterical. In our house, we don't call it a "gender divide," we call it "personal preference." Which means that my daughter, who hates emptying the dishwasher, is on trash duty. My son enjoys cooking, so he cooks dinner twice a week. Like you, both my husband and I teach the kids to drive, but we simply base it on who's available. I wouldn't care less if my husband wanted to do it all the time, because frankly, I hate it. I get carsick if I'm not driving. Who cares who teaches the kids to drive??

As for our financial decisions, they're also made "truly jointly." Why would you assume otherwise? I pay all the bills and we both decide what investments to make. It's not rocket science. You're so wrapped up in gender roles - or, rather, making a big point to defy them - that you just look foolish and boring. Your marriage sounds horrible.

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Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Does your husband ever get jealous of all your free time?

DP, but my husband thinks it's great. We meet for lunch all the time and he gets a lot of time off for himself. Why would he be jealous?

How can he possibly get a lot of time off for himself? Do you mean he works 40 or 50 hours a week, and then takes nights and weekends away from family?

What? Of course not. You don't have a very wide experience with situations other than your own, do you?

My husband pretty much makes his own hours. He's senior enough to come and go when he needs to, and/or work at home. He can take a day off here and there to go golfing if he wants. We can meet for lunch a few times a week. He helps out at school a couple of times a month. He coaches our kids' teams. And he goes on a weekend fishing trip with his friends once a year - just as I take a ladies weekend with mine. Plenty of free time for both of us, without having to "take nights and weekends away from family." I'm sorry you don't know what that's like.

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The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

Does this mean that high professional drive women don't have high drive to become mothers? If so, then why do they have kids?

See, inferences like these are what make people think that stay at home moms aren't very smart. How exactly does your statement follow from hers, logically?

Not the PP, but you must be joking. The question is absolutely relevant, especially if we're to entertain the first statement, that SAHMs "don't have a strong professional drive."

I realize that it must be difficult to process the second question because it clearly hit a nerve (especially if you're the mom who had 50 hours/week of childcare). But try reading slowly. I know you can do it!

God, you're stupid. You didn't read about logical fallacy, did you? The drive to become a mother is biological; working in no way interferes with the desire to be a mother. Educate yourself.

You're the person who uses 50 hours of childcare per week, right? Sounds like your "desire to become a mother" was no more than your desire to check that task off your to-do list. But sure, we believe you. Especially if you're the PP who keeps coming back to tell SAHMs what a poor choice they made and how if we're "secure in our choices," then criticism shouldn't bother us. I suggest you take your own advice.

It's curious that you're trolling a thread which has nothing to do with you, dontcha think? Kind of an insecure thing to do.

Why is a dad considered a good parent if he is gone more than 40 hours a week for work, but not a mom? Would you feel differently if I said I was gone from my kids for work for 47 hours a week, but instead of childcare, my husband was a SAHD?

He probably isn't. I don't think that the solution is to have two uninvolved parents.

Working full time is not the same as being uninvolved as a parent, even if the work is full time plus a commute.

50 hours of childcare per week is de facto uninvolved.

Anonymous wrote:When are women going to let this topic go? It's so played out.

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The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

Does this mean that high professional drive women don't have high drive to become mothers? If so, then why do they have kids?

See, inferences like these are what make people think that stay at home moms aren't very smart. How exactly does your statement follow from hers, logically?

Not the PP, but you must be joking. The question is absolutely relevant, especially if we're to entertain the first statement, that SAHMs "don't have a strong professional drive."

I realize that it must be difficult to process the second question because it clearly hit a nerve (especially if you're the mom who had 50 hours/week of childcare). But try reading slowly. I know you can do it!

God, you're stupid. You didn't read about logical fallacy, did you? The drive to become a mother is biological; working in no way interferes with the desire to be a mother. Educate yourself.

I spent all of their waking moments with them until they started preschool. The thing that I love is my Kids bond- they grew up together and people constantly remark upon how close my kids are- they’re best friends. Could this have happened if they spent their days in different daycares? Maybe. Would they be as interesting and well rounded if they didn’t grow up experiencing the world through the lenses of travel and having one or both parents present. . My kids are very well behaved because they have been learning how to live and act in the real world, not inside 4 walls in a “classroom” with low pay workers.

If we didn’t think it was very obviously best in our family to have a SAH parent, , we wouldn’t have one.

I think it’s wonderful if working parents each get 3-4 hours a day with their kids. From reading threwads on here about people spending less than an hour per day with their baby is heart wrenching to me. It isn’t how we wanted to parent.



You're the person who uses 50 hours of childcare per week, right? Sounds like your "desire to become a mother" was no more than your desire to check that task off your to-do list. But sure, we believe you. Especially if you're the PP who keeps coming back to tell SAHMs what a poor choice they made and how if we're "secure in our choices," then criticism shouldn't bother us. I suggest you take your own advice.

It's curious that you're trolling a thread which has nothing to do with you, dontcha think? Kind of an insecure thing to do.

Why is a dad considered a good parent if he is gone more than 40 hours a week for work, but not a mom? Would you feel differently if I said I was gone from my kids for work for 47 hours a week, but instead of childcare, my husband was a SAHD?

He probably isn't. I don't think that the solution is to have two uninvolved parents.

Working full time is not the same as being uninvolved as a parent, even if the work is full time plus a commute.

50 hours of childcare per week is de facto uninvolved.

Disagree. Every single person I know who works at my company, which requires 45 hours a week in the office, uses that much childcare/school time unless they have a SAHP. If we are ALL uninvolved, who is the default parent, or do you think school + aftercare is raising our kids?

That's fine. We can disagree. This is the reason I stay home. I think kids benefit from a lot more time with parents. You don't. No issues from me. You are free to do as you wish and so am I.

How many hours a day do you spend with your children, and how old are they? Do you homeschool? Do they have activities other than school that take them away from you?

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Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Newsflash: you can raise kids, plus have a career.

I spent 30 plus years as working mom. Then I got laid off and now I work part time while staying at home. I'm not bored. I realize that I was way overextended while trying to raise kids and work full time and that it almost ruined my mental health for good. The expectation that women can take on full time jobs while still performing most of their traditional roles is, in my view, nothing short of abuse. You can say that men should take on half of the home roles but that doesn't work for most of us. Meanwhile, men have come to expect women who can "do it all" and still be hot in the bedroom.

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I've never had any interest in "doing it all," because I realize life has seasons. So I can do it all in my lifetime, but have no desire to try cramming everything in, all at once. I also did the working mom BS for a long time, until I came to the same conclusions as you. I want to focus on one thing at a time and give it 100%; and at this time, that would be my kids. Life is long. First things first.

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Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

MY marriage is not a team effort, it's an exercise in bean counting, which is why we both work full time. Not ideal, but yeah, it is, so neither of us would ever let the other SAH. In fact, we both make roughly the same amount (in 2016, I made 55% of the HHI).

DP... I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound like great marriage. I've been both a wohm, sahm, wfh, PT, etc... Marriage is a partnership.

Marriage is a partnership, ideally, but then again life is not ideal. The kind of man who respects his wife being at home was not the kind of man who would be attracted to me - I'm too competitive

I'm glad that works for you, but my DH respects me whether I choose to be sahm or wohm, and I've done both. Your marriage sounds more like a competition.

Yes, we are both competitive, and our marriage is much more egalitarian than most of our friends'.

Sure... "egalitarian." Exactly the word that came to mind when reading the description of your marriage.

There is no gender divide in our parenting. We both taught/are teaching the kids to drive. Whoever is cooking depends on the night of the week. We make all financial decisions truly jointly. I realize this wouldn't suit many of you posters, but it works for us and has for over 20 years.

"No gender divide"! Hysterical. In our house, we don't call it a "gender divide," we call it "personal preference." Which means that my daughter, who hates emptying the dishwasher, is on trash duty. My son enjoys cooking, so he cooks dinner twice a week. Like you, both my husband and I teach the kids to drive, but we simply base it on who's available. I wouldn't care less if my husband wanted to do it all the time, because frankly, I hate it. I get carsick if I'm not driving. Who cares who teaches the kids to drive??

As for our financial decisions, they're also made "truly jointly." Why would you assume otherwise? I pay all the bills and we both decide what investments to make. It's not rocket science. You're so wrapped up in gender roles - or, rather, making a big point to defy them - that you just look foolish and boring. Your marriage sounds horrible.