Anonymous
08/16/2020 23:38
Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
I actually have been a stay at home mom for the past several years but not because I entirely wanted to. I'm resentful that I have to feel guilty for staying home at this point in my life and him not making enough to provide our own home without having to rely on his folks.
After I lost my 14 year old daughter to a seizure, my boyfriend of only a month stuck by me and financially picked up everything.
Although grateful, I now am resentful. I had my place four years prior to him and after two years of marriage, not only are we not steadily working on our passion, but I now have been living with my in-laws for a month now.
They are awesome and so loving. Raised my husband well in that regard but he is a procrastinator and his lifestyle of producing music pays the bills but doesn't push him to do extra, there-go...limiting our finances, his school debt and credit limits our ability to having and buying our own home.
My career field was in Mental Health but after 12 years that took a toll and after the loss of my daughter, I lost the desire to stick with it.
So I lost my child, job, and now my own space to enjoy my own updated and fashionable decor to being time warped back to the 70s.
Our goal is to one day buy his folk's home and update it, while currently helping them maintain finances when his mother retires and his father who is currently on disability, but while they are present, so are their things, which I'm sure they'd want to keep and hold on to. I don't foresee that changing for another 15+ years, so I find everyday a struggle and I am becoming more resentful by the day and regretting ever giving up our own place. I also feel bad that his mother had to give up her office for one of the kids. Especially after they had to share their home for four years when their other son,wife, and three kids lived here before us. So although I am super grateful and I'm sure the dynamic between us will be better than their previous experience, it is still disheartening.
Even if I find a job, I mentally and emotional don't care to work and he'd prefer me not to, but it really won't change anything outside of having extra money to buy the home, but then what, I won't have the heart to have his parents remove all their outdated but sentimental furniture out to make room for what we want. I guess I'm venting because there really is no great answer or solution. If we left it wouldn't help them and if we stay I won't be completely happy. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
After I lost my 14 year old daughter to a seizure, my boyfriend of only a month stuck by me and financially picked up everything.
Although grateful, I now am resentful. I had my place four years prior to him and after two years of marriage, not only are we not steadily working on our passion, but I now have been living with my in-laws for a month now.
They are awesome and so loving. Raised my husband well in that regard but he is a procrastinator and his lifestyle of producing music pays the bills but doesn't push him to do extra, there-go...limiting our finances, his school debt and credit limits our ability to having and buying our own home.
My career field was in Mental Health but after 12 years that took a toll and after the loss of my daughter, I lost the desire to stick with it.
So I lost my child, job, and now my own space to enjoy my own updated and fashionable decor to being time warped back to the 70s.
Our goal is to one day buy his folk's home and update it, while currently helping them maintain finances when his mother retires and his father who is currently on disability, but while they are present, so are their things, which I'm sure they'd want to keep and hold on to. I don't foresee that changing for another 15+ years, so I find everyday a struggle and I am becoming more resentful by the day and regretting ever giving up our own place. I also feel bad that his mother had to give up her office for one of the kids. Especially after they had to share their home for four years when their other son,wife, and three kids lived here before us. So although I am super grateful and I'm sure the dynamic between us will be better than their previous experience, it is still disheartening.
Even if I find a job, I mentally and emotional don't care to work and he'd prefer me not to, but it really won't change anything outside of having extra money to buy the home, but then what, I won't have the heart to have his parents remove all their outdated but sentimental furniture out to make room for what we want. I guess I'm venting because there really is no great answer or solution. If we left it wouldn't help them and if we stay I won't be completely happy. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
Anonymous
02/24/2016 07:58
Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Clearly not a superhero of humility........what, uh, lucky kids you have. I'll just back slowly into the bushes now as you scare me.
I'm happy my husbands income is plenty for me to choose to stay at home- though having my own substantial trust fund helps me never feel insecure in my choice. So many harpies on this thread. My lord.
New thread topic: Do you secretly resent your parents for not leaving you your own substantial trust fund to help you never feel insecure in your choices?
Ha ha ha ha ha. Yes, that should have been the name of the thread. Love it!
Anonymous
02/24/2016 07:34
Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Clearly not a superhero of humility........what, uh, lucky kids you have. I'll just back slowly into the bushes now as you scare me.
I'm happy my husbands income is plenty for me to choose to stay at home- though having my own substantial trust fund helps me never feel insecure in my choice. So many harpies on this thread. My lord.
New thread topic: Do you secretly resent your parents for not leaving you your own substantial trust fund to help you never feel insecure in your choices?
Anonymous
02/23/2016 22:32
Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Do I secretly resent DH for not wanting a SAH wife?
No. He does make enough $350-400k.
I make $160k on a flexible WAH schedule. I choose to keep interested in what I want to grad school for. Keeps me sharp and I have my own retirement.
No. He does make enough $350-400k.
I make $160k on a flexible WAH schedule. I choose to keep interested in what I want to grad school for. Keeps me sharp and I have my own retirement.
Anonymous
02/23/2016 22:26
Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:It was important to both of us that I be home to raise the children we brought into this world. I didn't have kids so someone could be paid to raise them with their morals not mine.
There are some things you need to do in life. One is to raise your own kids.
So your daughter isn't going to college, right? She will need to stay home when she has kids so they are raised properly. And your son will be encouraged to marry a woman who does not have career aspirations.
Anonymous
02/23/2016 21:55
Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Nope. I really enjoy living in 2016, when a woman can get the things she wants without passive aggressively wishing her husband provided them.
Anonymous
02/23/2016 16:42
Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Why would I resent him?
Look, the only thought I have is what a bada$$ I am. I feel a bit like a superhero. By day I call the shots at work. At night I go home and get all accomplished in 4 hrs that SAHMs do all day. When we go to bed at night my house is clean, my kids are clean, and we've spent time together as a family. Keep in mind not all DHs work typical office hours and some working moms have family help so their kids aren't in the care of strangers (daycare or nanny) all day. My kids eat homemade meals because on my one weekday off twice per week I make about 15 meals that freeze and defrost well. Sure, I miss my babies from time to time during the day, but they light up when they see mommy.
I go to my SAHM SILs house once a month for our families to get together. It is a mess. Always cluttered and a million pinterest projects going on and home projects my brother won't pay someone to finish because he is the only one bring any income in. My nephew gets hardly any social interaction at 3yo meanwhile my preschool age kids have as many friends as I do.
No thanks to being a SAHM for me! Just learned hacks for being a WOHM and life is good.
Except your SIL sees her kids for all of their waking hours. You brag about seeing yours for four hours a days plus you are doing household tasks in that time.
Anonymous
02/23/2016 16:40
Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Never...ever. Is he resentful of you that you don't make enough so that he can be a SAHD? That said, I can see how this is a preference and instinct for some people to want to stay home with their children, and there is nothing wrong with that instinct (from either spouse).
I do wish DH made more in general since I make almost double and his student loans are double mine, but the trade off is that he is home with our kids more. No brainer.
Most of the time the SAHP is the mom. Face it.
Anonymous
02/23/2016 16:39
Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Clearly not a superhero of humility........what, uh, lucky kids you have. I'll just back slowly into the bushes now as you scare me.
I'm happy my husbands income is plenty for me to choose to stay at home- though having my own substantial trust fund helps me never feel insecure in my choice. So many harpies on this thread. My lord.
I'm happy my husbands income is plenty for me to choose to stay at home- though having my own substantial trust fund helps me never feel insecure in my choice. So many harpies on this thread. My lord.
Anonymous
02/23/2016 16:20
Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Why would I resent him?
Look, the only thought I have is what a bada$$ I am. I feel a bit like a superhero. By day I call the shots at work. At night I go home and get all accomplished in 4 hrs that SAHMs do all day. When we go to bed at night my house is clean, my kids are clean, and we've spent time together as a family. Keep in mind not all DHs work typical office hours and some working moms have family help so their kids aren't in the care of strangers (daycare or nanny) all day. My kids eat homemade meals because on my one weekday off twice per week I make about 15 meals that freeze and defrost well. Sure, I miss my babies from time to time during the day, but they light up when they see mommy.
I go to my SAHM SILs house once a month for our families to get together. It is a mess. Always cluttered and a million pinterest projects going on and home projects my brother won't pay someone to finish because he is the only one bring any income in. My nephew gets hardly any social interaction at 3yo meanwhile my preschool age kids have as many friends as I do.
No thanks to being a SAHM for me! Just learned hacks for being a WOHM and life is good.
Look, the only thought I have is what a bada$$ I am. I feel a bit like a superhero. By day I call the shots at work. At night I go home and get all accomplished in 4 hrs that SAHMs do all day. When we go to bed at night my house is clean, my kids are clean, and we've spent time together as a family. Keep in mind not all DHs work typical office hours and some working moms have family help so their kids aren't in the care of strangers (daycare or nanny) all day. My kids eat homemade meals because on my one weekday off twice per week I make about 15 meals that freeze and defrost well. Sure, I miss my babies from time to time during the day, but they light up when they see mommy.
I go to my SAHM SILs house once a month for our families to get together. It is a mess. Always cluttered and a million pinterest projects going on and home projects my brother won't pay someone to finish because he is the only one bring any income in. My nephew gets hardly any social interaction at 3yo meanwhile my preschool age kids have as many friends as I do.
No thanks to being a SAHM for me! Just learned hacks for being a WOHM and life is good.
Anonymous
02/22/2016 10:55
Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
This thread was dormant until two days ago. What happened? Tax season? Spring break coming up?
Anonymous
02/22/2016 10:52
Subject: Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Never...ever. Is he resentful of you that you don't make enough so that he can be a SAHD? That said, I can see how this is a preference and instinct for some people to want to stay home with their children, and there is nothing wrong with that instinct (from either spouse).
I do wish DH made more in general since I make almost double and his student loans are double mine, but the trade off is that he is home with our kids more. No brainer.
I do wish DH made more in general since I make almost double and his student loans are double mine, but the trade off is that he is home with our kids more. No brainer.
Anonymous
02/22/2016 10:14
Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Wow, why not make your own money?
Anonymous
02/22/2016 10:06
Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It was important to both of us that I be home to raise the children we brought into this world. I didn't have kids so someone could be paid to raise them with their morals not mine.
There are some things you need to do in life. One is to raise your own kids.
Hi. I think that the people splitting hairs and being bitter have issues. Your decision makes 100% sense. Good for you.[/quote
Hah, yeah first PP sounds like a lovely human being.
Let her have it. Those kind of people are the ones who always end up the most unhappy when their kids leave.
Anonymous
02/22/2016 10:02
Subject: Re:Do you secretly resent DH for not making enough money for you to be a SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It was important to both of us that I be home to raise the children we brought into this world. I didn't have kids so someone could be paid to raise them with their morals not mine.
There are some things you need to do in life. One is to raise your own kids.
Hi. I think that the people splitting hairs and being bitter have issues. Your decision makes 100% sense. Good for you.[/quote
Hah, yeah first PP sounds like a lovely human being.