Anonymous
Post 01/03/2026 13:35     Subject: is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They get no attention or interest from guys at their respective schools and there are dozens of friends like them at each of their colleges. It's weird out there.


Since roughly Middle School and continuing all the way through HS, the boys at DS's school have been cautioned against any appearance of sexual harassment towards girls.

This even has included explicit caution even about just asking a girl out (unless she wanted to be asked out and how does one know without asking?).

DS and his male friends find it all very confusing and have trouble discerning if there is any "safe harbor" where asking a girl out will not result in a harassment complaint.

Parents of boys at other schools tell us their sons are being given roughly the same messaging. So our case is no special or uncommon today. Of course, as with anything, there will be both variation from school to school and some exceptions.

By contrast, the same school only warns girls to be scared of guys. There apparently is no such thing as "sexual harassment" from a gal toward a guy.

In times gone by, there was much less of this guidance to boys (in my day, the rule was "no touching" but approaching a girl verbally was fine).

Bottom line today is that girls/women ought not wait to be asked out. Smart ones will seize the initiative and initiate with boys/men they are interested in. (Also, best to not be too subtle; many boys/men do not detect subtle.)


Is this really YOUR SONS' perspective and not yours?

I ask because I also have a sophomore son who attended a private school and he and his friends all dated in high school. They had no deep-seated fears of being seen as sexually harassing girls. They all dated very attractive girls from across the DMV.
My daughter (freshman) and her friends did not date because frankly they somewhat overlooked for not being hot enough. The boys looked elsewhere and they could because they were in such demand. This whole dynamic has continued in college. The hottest girls have no issue dating.The boys (both attractive and not attractive) have their pick. The girls who are a step below the upper crust are left out.There are just way too many attractive girls and girls period.




I find this rather startling. I’m used to the idea that there are “too many” girls at co-ed schools that are 55% female. But now you’re saying that there are “too many” high-school aged girls in the DMV? How? What happened to their brothers?
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2026 12:42     Subject: is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
anonymous wrote:Is this really YOUR SONS' perspective and not yours?


Yes, THEIRS, excepting the final paragraph which obviously was contrasting with my own experience.

For context, his MS and HS were both co-ed, not single sex.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2026 11:27     Subject: is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They get no attention or interest from guys at their respective schools and there are dozens of friends like them at each of their colleges. It's weird out there.


Since roughly Middle School and continuing all the way through HS, the boys at DS's school have been cautioned against any appearance of sexual harassment towards girls.

This even has included explicit caution even about just asking a girl out (unless she wanted to be asked out and how does one know without asking?).

DS and his male friends find it all very confusing and have trouble discerning if there is any "safe harbor" where asking a girl out will not result in a harassment complaint.

Parents of boys at other schools tell us their sons are being given roughly the same messaging. So our case is no special or uncommon today. Of course, as with anything, there will be both variation from school to school and some exceptions.

By contrast, the same school only warns girls to be scared of guys. There apparently is no such thing as "sexual harassment" from a gal toward a guy.

In times gone by, there was much less of this guidance to boys (in my day, the rule was "no touching" but approaching a girl verbally was fine).

Bottom line today is that girls/women ought not wait to be asked out. Smart ones will seize the initiative and initiate with boys/men they are interested in. (Also, best to not be too subtle; many boys/men do not detect subtle.)


Is this really YOUR SONS' perspective and not yours?

I ask because I also have a sophomore son who attended a private school and he and his friends all dated in high school. They had no deep-seated fears of being seen as sexually harassing girls. They all dated very attractive girls from across the DMV.
My daughter (freshman) and her friends did not date because frankly they somewhat overlooked for not being hot enough. The boys looked elsewhere and they could because they were in such demand. This whole dynamic has continued in college. The hottest girls have no issue dating.The boys (both attractive and not attractive) have their pick. The girls who are a step below the upper crust are left out.There are just way too many attractive girls and girls period.


Anonymous
Post 01/03/2026 10:44     Subject: is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
my boys went to an all-boys high school and they all dated, no outsized fears about sexual harrasment charges.

maybe because they had to, you know, ask the girls out? they had to talk in person, or on phone, or text. there were no assumptions about intent. "do you want to go to our school's dance with me?" "do you want to go see this band with me?" this is all crystal clear.

they were also taught about the stats of sexual assault by me. 1/3 of all women are sexually assaulted in college. I'm sure a lot of this is done when guys (and girls, sure) are drinking. My boys earliest drinking was mostly done with other guys so by the time they were at parties with girls in college, affects of drinking wasn't new to them.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2026 10:38     Subject: is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
Anonymous wrote:They get no attention or interest from guys at their respective schools and there are dozens of friends like them at each of their colleges. It's weird out there.


Since roughly Middle School and continuing all the way through HS, the boys at DS's school have been cautioned against any appearance of sexual harassment towards girls.

This even has included explicit caution even about just asking a girl out (unless she wanted to be asked out and how does one know without asking?).

DS and his male friends find it all very confusing and have trouble discerning if there is any "safe harbor" where asking a girl out will not result in a harassment complaint.

Parents of boys at other schools tell us their sons are being given roughly the same messaging. So our case is no special or uncommon today. Of course, as with anything, there will be both variation from school to school and some exceptions.

By contrast, the same school only warns girls to be scared of guys. There apparently is no such thing as "sexual harassment" from a gal toward a guy.

In times gone by, there was much less of this guidance to boys (in my day, the rule was "no touching" but approaching a girl verbally was fine).

Bottom line today is that girls/women ought not wait to be asked out. Smart ones will seize the initiative and initiate with boys/men they are interested in. (Also, best to not be too subtle; many boys/men do not detect subtle.)
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2026 10:23     Subject: is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
Anonymous wrote:I am not worried about that AT ALL. But I haven't yet worried about my children's dating lives, and they are 17 (HS senior) and 21 (college junior). I have boys, though, so maybe that's the difference. My observation is that mothers (not fathers) worry about this for daughters much more than mothers of sons.


Times have changed.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2026 10:22     Subject: is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A lot of dcums are going to have to accept one of these things for their umc white kids…

…they either bring someone home of similar or higher ses, but is a diffent race

…or they bring someone home of a similar race but lower ses

…or they are going to stay single and not have grandkids for you

The # of high ses white kids that will stay high ses in the north east or west coast is not high enough in numbers for everyone to pair off.


Why are you just directing this at white families? Plenty of parents of ALL races and backgrounds will have to adjust to the same things. Their kids aren’t necessarily going to marry within their own race or SES. And many immigrants expect their kids to do just that.


I think because the Asian kids will have plenty of each other to pair off with, and generally do. That leaves the UMC white kids with a very small dating pool.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2026 10:17     Subject: is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
NESCAC schools have high intra-college marriage rates.
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2026 09:51     Subject: is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.


So are Asian students dating and finding potential mates


This is why ivy/t15 private is so important! Quality friends with the right intelligence level and great spouse potential


Ivies these days are 50% kids on full aid and 50% Asian (with some overlap between the two). Frankly, that dating pool isn't highly desirable at all for those looking to "marry well."
Anonymous
Post 01/03/2026 09:23     Subject: is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
Anonymous wrote:Nah, not there for an Mrs. degree.


Disagree. A woman can be very ambitious and career-driven, and yet still want to get married. I think it's a mistake to postpone finding a spouse, and focus too much on one's career. (I did that myself, and I wish I had married earlier than 31, as fertility issues arose in my 30's.) College is a great time to meet a spouse.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2026 21:42     Subject: is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am worried because my DD is going in the Fall. And there are more women students than males.


That’s why you should choose a school with close to 50/50 gender split - or more men.


This is literally the Ivies and tech universities and that's about it.


My DC chose a "tech" university partly for this reason - not a STEM major. Schools that have "tech" in their name almost always have excellent liberal arts schools too.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2026 18:45     Subject: is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am worried because my DD is going in the Fall. And there are more women students than males.


That’s why you should choose a school with close to 50/50 gender split - or more men.


This is literally the Ivies and tech universities and that's about it.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2026 18:08     Subject: is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
Anonymous wrote:I am worried because my DD is going in the Fall. And there are more women students than males.


That’s why you should choose a school with close to 50/50 gender split - or more men.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2026 18:06     Subject: is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
Anonymous wrote:A lot of dcums are going to have to accept one of these things for their umc white kids…

…they either bring someone home of similar or higher ses, but is a diffent race

…or they bring someone home of a similar race but lower ses

…or they are going to stay single and not have grandkids for you

The # of high ses white kids that will stay high ses in the north east or west coast is not high enough in numbers for everyone to pair off.


Why are you just directing this at white families? Plenty of parents of ALL races and backgrounds will have to adjust to the same things. Their kids aren’t necessarily going to marry within their own race or SES. And many immigrants expect their kids to do just that.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2026 13:59     Subject: Re:is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?
Anonymous wrote:Most of the Ivies+ will be plurality-Asian within the next 5 years.


This is quite literally Trump’s fault.